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Am I selfish???

Manda's picture

So today my BF (I'm hoping I'm using the right abbreviations...pls let me know if I'm not cuz I'm still new and don't get them all yet) so anyway my bf told me he'd have a full day at work and that was fine until he called me at 11:30 am and said he was done with work early and wanted to drive up to his parents cottage in MI to get his boat for our vacation in WI next week and said he'd take his son on the ride up there with him but asked if I could take his daughter to her softball game for him. I do have to say...I was a bitch when he asked...not only because I feel it's HIS responsibility to take care of HIS kids after he gets off work but because I've been mad at him this past weekend because he ruined my 30th birthday...not because we had to be stuck with the kids but because he accused me of being selfish that I wanted a weekend to myself for my 30th bday. I do have to say we were both drinking at the time plus his asshole friend was around feeding him stuff that I never said just to start a fight....which was successful but it didn't break us up...it only made me feel REALLY distant and wondering if I need some "time off".

Ok, so I probably did a really bad thing tonight... I lied to my BF...first time ever and I'm feeling really guilty about it but then again I'm not...maybe I AM being selfish... I DO NOT want to go on the 'family' trip with my bf and his kids...it's not a vacation I would consider it a camping trip... Fishing, wilderness, lake, cooking food outside, bugs...not only that but the fact that I would have to 'watch' his kids all week while he's fishing and at the bar with the guys... Well...so....I came up with a BIG fib tonight that I had an interview offer next Tuesday for a really good position and company but I wasn't sure what to do....thinking and hoping he would say take the interview and the kids and I will go to WI. Well he said that he'd drive back down...6 hrs...on tues and drive me up there on Wednesday so I can be there with them... Truth be told though I really don't want to go but I don't want to let anyone down either...I'm thinking that I can put up with his kids and the wilderness for a couple days...just not for 10 days... Anyone advise?

Comments

Sia's picture

this is something I will NEVER understand! Why is ti that men try to make us feel guilty about wanting/needing time to ourselves? We didnt birth their children, so why should we be the ones to take care of them? Personally, I would just tell him the truth....I think the truth is always the BEST way! Tell him you dont want to go and why! If he cant accept that or give you another solution, then I would question if he is really the right guy for you.

2SteppinInCali's picture

I would just tell him you need a break. I had a similiar episode recently and I decided to be truthful about needing some time to myself. It went surprisingly well. If you keep accomodating everyone, you will kick yourself in the ass and be resentful of the situation. Who cares about everyone else??? They will be fine. You need some mental health time. If you are feeling that this trip will not be enjoyable and that you have to "put up" with the kids, you really derserve to give yourself the gift of a break from them. You will probably end up fighting with BF anyway because you really don't want to be there. Take 4-5 days to yourself and meet them somewhere.

PS I feel the same way when my BF/DH calls and needs a babysitter.... I work all day too!

2Bloved's picture

I like camping, I just hate camping trips with the kids. It's not fun. It's hard enough making sure everything is taken care of when you're at home with all the luxuries, it's not fun when you're camping in wilderness with no washer, dryer, dishwasher, the nearest bathroom is a trek away, which means being woken up in the middle of the night b/c someone has to go potty. You have to sit outside the showers while all three kids go thru, walk them back to the campsite, then walk back to take your own. You have to cook over the campfire, and clean up everyones mess. You have to deal with entertaining three kids that have never been taught to entertain themselves. Making sure that teeth are brushed, keep track of clean and dirty clothes. Then you get home exhausted from your "vacation" and FH turns to you and says "Wasn't that fun!! Everyone had such a good time!!" Of course everyone had a good time. Everything was done for you guys. You got to go crabbing and fishing and clamming and hiking and drinking b/c I was the idiot that was there to make sure everything ran smoothly on our "family vacation".

This happened too many times. Last month on the annual family camping trip, I chose to stay behind. Just told him I needed a break, that I don't view these trips as vacations. I told him before he left that I expected the house to be clean to my standards, so I'm not left cleaning up after their mess on my weekend to myself. Packed them up, sent them away with hugs and kisses, and RELAXED. I cooked what I wanted, ate when I wanted, slept as long as I wanted, napped when I wanted, went where I wanted, watched the movies I wanted. 5 days of bliss.

Guess what? He came home EXHAUSTED from his "vacation". Hmm....wonder why?

bookgirl's picture

It sounds like my DH & your BF could be the same person. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be the cook, the maid & the babysitter on what should be your vacation. I wouldn't go either. I found that making DH do things like that alone with SKs makes him more understanding. ~Bookgirl~

Hanny's picture

When I was living with my now EX, he wanted us all to go (2 of my skids out of the 5) on a camping trip together. I couldn't think of anything worse...so I said I couldn't get off work that they would have to go without me...BOO HOO! So they went and I worked, came home every night and took walks, ate what I wanted to when I wanted to, and the weekend without them all was heavenly. He never knew any different. I did go the next year, but I made him get a cabin so it would be less work.