New to this, but I am in need of help
So me and my husband have a good marriage of 5 yrs now. He has 3 sons who live with us and I have a dtr who he has fathered since she was 10 mnths old. He's laid back and I am not.The kids age from 14, 13 , 10 and 6 who is the dtr. We also have one on the way who will be arriving first of August 09. The BM is not in the pic but maybe once or twice a year. I have taught them so much as I am proud of from how to shower to respect , how to do chores etc. BUt lately they are changing as many do as young teens and they are breaking my heart. they are lying, stealing from others at school etc and seem to be really sneaky. I can trust them anymore in my house. I cant handle a liar or a theaf. Its seems that all I have done dfor them in the past years as been all for nothing. I feel used and hurt. My husband of coarse feels that i am too strict and they good saying I hear all the time is "they are just kids" , but I feel I have taught them right from wrong and showed them the better life.My husband is at his wits ends too, but before me it was said that he would let them do whatever whenever. I am not that way. We are a family of 6 about to be seven and I have to run a tight ship or it will sink, and right now I feel as though it is sinking. Might I add that we have tried all types of discipling and nothing is working. I want them to care and be trust worthy not what they are becoming. Any advise?
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My parents have taught me in the most strict of ways
And I mean S.T.R.I.C.T.
But I still acted out as a teenager. I didn't steal... but I lied. A lot. I snuck out. I married a guy that my parents absolutely resented. Their solution? They kicked me out.
Of course, I don't recommend this... but I think it's just one of those phases. Teenagers act out... their friends become more important than family. It's sad, but I think it's something that most, if not all, parents deal with.
However, it is not right for DH to let them do what they want when they want.
I would probably start using limitations against them. Take away what they love the most. TV. iPods. Cell phones. Friend time.
They will probably find a way around this, but what you seriously need is DH's support. If he can't stand by your side when it comes to straightening these kids out, there's no way you can do it on your own, espeicially since you have your daughter and another on the way.
I'm so sorry that you have so much on your shoulders right now, but maybe if you could sit down and seriously talk to DH... make him understand what you're going through and that you need his help, otherwise his kids will go down a very dark, scary road.
You know what would be a good idea? Have a cop take those kids in a jail or something and have them see what it's like to be in jail. This is what will happen if you continue to steal. My parents did this when my brother was acting out and stealing from them, and he was scared shitless. It's one thing to tell them how much trouble they will get in if they continue to steal... but it's another to SHOW them what will happen.
Again, I'm sorry that you're going through this... if you ever need someone to talk to, PM me! I'm always around.
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
Yeah I have made calls to
Yeah I have made calls to see if our county offers programs for unruly teens but no results yet. I just dont want to get that image of being the "Mean stepmom" b/c I have always claimed these kids as mine consider their BM is a piece of work. They need me but I also need them to respect love mind me in my house. They are making me very bitter and I cant stand what I am becoming. they are taking my joy away from me. There are certain standards that I hold high and they are breaking those that are very important to me. I hope this passes soon because as they get older I have told them that they will need me before I need them financially and I cant give when they are doing wrong. I will not award bad behavior.. I remember disobeying and pushing my dad, but I also remember once punished I didnt want to mess up again because I cared about my parents. maybe they dont care like they should about us. Oh boy but mentioned that mom and they put her on a pedalstal.
you do all you can as a
you do all you can as a parent and teens will still be teens. i'm not there yet with my skids (thank God) but knowing what could be ahead just makes me want to be stronger and stronger to watch i teach them now. dicipline can be difficult b/c it really does depend on the child. makes me think back to my teens..lol. it took rock bottom for me to wake up and unfortunatly that's how most of us learn. i really hope that you find a solution for all this b/c you dont need that stress with a new baby. dont ever regret or say it wasn't worth it b/c one day they will look you in the eyes and thank you for all you've done for them. hang in there girlie!
Sorry
Don't feel bad. It is not you. They are teenagers is all. You just need to be strict and set consequences. I will recommend my favorite book that helped us. It's called "Have a new kid by Friday."
Teenagers are hard even under normal cirmstances. Be strict but do it in love. They need it.
Hang in there. Being a parent is very hard but you will be happy when they are grown. I have two grown daughters and they are my friends now but we had our tough times when they rebelled. Don't worry, all will be fine. It gets better when they are older. 14-16 is the worst.
"I know God has a wonderful plan for me, I just wish he would tell me what it is"