I am in a pretty stressful situation. Me and my SO have been together for 4.5 years (May 2007).He has 3 daughters, H25, B23, and J21. I have 2 dtrs, A21, C18.

When we started dating he was trying to sell his house during his divorce so he moved him and his adult daughters into a condo a mile away. BM lived in a small apt. a few miles away with her new bf. I moved in with him 9 months after we started dating. At the time, both my daughters(14,17 at the time), his middle child (B19 at the time) and her 27 yo bf (who lived in the master suite in the condo) were the only ones living there. For a brief period my SO was still staying at his house even though he had the condo. His youngest (now J21) at the time was starting her senior year in high school and was so stressed living with B23 that she left and moved in with her bf's parents. My SO kicked H25 out because the cops had been called several times for the "smell of marijuana" throughout the complex :thanks to "special" brownies they baked) and that's when he decided he needed to be at the condo to monitor the situation.

Me and B23 never got along from the moment I arrived and after some major drama(she called the cops after my dtrs graduation party in July 2008 because they were sitting on the porch with friends being too loud and drinking...
(me and SO were at the house cleaning up-and didn't allow any alcohol at the party-so of course the kids hid a bottle back at the condo; (remember B23 was only 19 and did the same thing all time-including smoking marijuana everyday on that same porch!).

At least 3 kids got Underage drinking (including my youngest dtr) and I ended up having to go through all kinds of legal crap and pay fines. That night, he finally kicked her and her bf out. I don't think I had any contact with her for at least a year after that incident. When we got into her locked room, it looked like a scene off the show Hoarders-Buried Alive. The mess she used to leave in the kitchen (and the reason we used to fight) was only the tip of the iceberg. We used to let them keep their door locked for privacy so we had no idea how bad it was. MY SO said he'd never let her move back in.

After a year, his house never sold so we ended up moving back to the house he lived in with his ex and their children. His ex signed over the house since he was assuming all mortgage payments and she moved to DC with her bf. Initially, only me, my SO, and my two daughters moved into the house(October 2008). My oldest, A21, moved in and out after graduation.

Me and his his Ex Hx:
Me and SO' ex used to be good friends. We went to college together and worked in the same department for 8 years. I had gone out partying with her and my SO many times ( we had friends in a local band ;we used to go to all their shows and hang out) I was not the reason her and my SO broke up. She kept that a big secret from everyone at work. She was always tempting my SO to "sleep with so and so" -hoping he would slip up first. But she ended up having an affair and moving out(Feb 07). They Mutually agreed to separate. When me and SO began dating, the ex was actually okay (on the outside) with it. We even went out on dates with her and her new bf. It was a strange situation- cause my SO still had hopes of working things out with her( and he warned me of this several times early on). Eventually she decided to skip town with her bf during her dtr's senior year to live and work near DC (Jan 08).

Initially living in his house was very stressful for me. I didn't know how to feel. I liked living in the condo because it was OUR place- it was neutral ground. His house still had memories of her - and their kids and I couldn't escape it. His parents kept telling us to renovate- and make it our place- with new memories. We began to do just that. He turned a dark- depressing family room into his own MAN CAVE. We redid the laundry room and powder room that was on the same level. We have so many plans for the rest of the house - to personalize it but money always seems to be the issue. Within the first year, we landscaped the entire outside (something she was never interested in doing) and built a huge raised garden in the back yard. At times, I was finally able to feel it was Our place.

___Then in the summer of 2009- before his divorce was final- another meltdown. The Ex's bf left her and she wanted her husband back. She called him and gave him her "I'm sorry, I made a big mistake- take me back". For the entire summer, he let her grovel. She sent him nude photos, they met for "lunch"( he was working in DC ironically at the time). Alot of these conversations and meetings were kept secret from me. I would get a hint of things here and there- he would let it slip when he was drinking! and I had access to his emails- and found some "photos" etc. but I didn't say anything. He insisted he just needed to hear her beg for forgiveness and needed the "closure". So I let it go. I knew that he never got a good reason for her leaving him- he was very good to her for 20 years. He is the sweetest-most caring man I ever met. Everyone has said he treated her like a Queen and couldn't figure out why she left. Everyone chalked it up to a mid-life crisis.

Apparently, some of their conversations did consist of "working things out" and starting over. He must have said to her that "IF" they would get back together- it would have to be after a divorce. He said he only told her those things so she would sign the divorce.(she procrastinated for 9 months by not signing any papers) In late September 2009, The day after the divorce came in the mail, She apparently gave him the ultimatum. It was her or me. He told her that she needed to move on and that he did not want to work things out with her.

This sparked some psychotic episode inside her- she called all the kids and told them some sob story. She told them that I was the reason her and their father couldn't get back together. I was in the way. All three of the kids turned on me-instantly.(even worse than before!). Meanwhile, I am oblivious to exactly what the hell just happened. The kids were mad at him and he had to write each of them a letter explaining his side of the story. I think their parents separation took them by surprise as well and they never really understood what happened (from the beginning). (in public- they always seemed happy and I think they hid their issues from everyone including the kids) By Christmas, nearly 3 months later, the kids were still mad at me. They refused to come to the house. They wrote him notes saying they didn't want me to get them anything for xmas. (I did anyways). I really started to feel I had been betrayed- and I did contemplate leaving him at that time. But he stood his ground with the ex and the kids- and made me feel that he faced a difficult decision and made the choice that he felt was right even if his kids didn't agree.
_________________

In January 2010, his oldest, H25 and her 19 yo bf had to move in because she found out she was pregnant and they were living in a "party house" in the city. As soon as she moved in, the drama began all over again. I think the kids felt territorial about the house they grew up in (which is understandable)and there was still a lot of bitterness over their parents getting divorced. It was extreme tension between all of us for the 4 months they lived in the house.

As soon as H25 and her boyfriend found a place....the next chapter begins May 2010. My SO's middle daughter B23 and her boyfriend were constantly fighting at his parents house. We got called over several times because she was having meltdowns-( They are both immature- all they do is play kid games and smoke weed, she's insecure and became so obsessed that her bf couldn't even watch a TV show with a pretty girl in it- or she'd get jealous (but she wears skimpy outfits in public all them?? She needs serious psychological help!)
Her dad was so happy that she was finally going to break up with him that he told her she could move back home. I KNEW from the beginning it was never going to work out. It didn't work out the first time. It was meant to be "temporary". The initial agreement was she'd pay $200/rent. He was going to save half of it every month until she had enough for a car. I don't think she ever paid him rent. She'd gave him a little here and there for a few months- then nothing. Every few months he would "try" to demand payment- but nothing. Then he gave her a car. Now she had NO reason or incentive to pay him or save money. She sits on the porch everyday- sometimes several times a day smoking her "blunts". She was even brave enough in the winter to smoke it in her room-trying to cover it up with incense.

It has been nothing short of a nightmare for me and my daughter, C18. My dtr has struggled with eating disorders since she was 14. She's been in and out of hospitals, therapists, and other treatment programs. She attends cyber school so she is home all the time. My SO dtr, B23, has purposely wrote mean notes in the bathroom aimed at my daughter.(calling her names-like fat, ugly blah blah blah) She leaves notes all over the house like a childish 10 year old aimed toward me and my dtr. This has gotten worse the last 4 months. Not surprisingly her behavior always gets worse after spending time with her mother- who is rumored to be moving back to town.
We refuse to let her have a lock on her door because of what happened at the condo. It is the only reason her room isn't a complete disaster (although at times it is)- because we can check it daily. She still leaves cups and dishes in her room for weeks- then brings them all down and sits them on the counter-as if they are magically going to get cleaned. She is constantly using up all the towels and then just throws 20 of them in the hallway closet- waiting for magic to happen again. (I have had to buy special towels for my daughter and I wash the ones I use with my laundry-so we know who is putting the towels in the closet.

WE have battled over the same stupid things over and over again. I have requested a "meeting" with all of us many times. But my SO says he doesn't think its a good idea- he's afraid of massive PMS meltdown. I say let the meltdown happen. Every time there is a major blow out between me and his dtr, he "talks" to her. But nothing changes. She has told him many times that SHE is his daughter and she shouldn't have to move out. She wants me and my dtr to move out. She pays no bills. She lives and eats in the house for free. The only food she buys is her "munchies". She doesn't clean up her own messes. She stomps around the house slamming doors and yelling. She cleaned her room last week and threw 3 bags of garbage in the hallway near the kitchen. And I let them sit there- waiting to see if she was going to take them out to the trash can. Nothing. They just sat there. I refused to throw them away. I am always doing these things to prove a point. I will leave HER dishes in the sink for days and days- and wash my dishes on the other side- just to prove a point. Sometimes she will bake at 2 am- leaving pots and pans (again, just like in the Condo) and i refuse to clean them. My SO will come home from traveling- and just do it. We are teaching her NOTHING.

THE FINAL STRAW!!!!!
The other night, I was up late studying and doing homework in the mancave. B23 was watching TV in the upstairs living room and cooking mac and cheese. My dtr's boyfriend is a young college guy who drove an hour to see her- so I offered to make him a grilled cheese sandwich(he looks like he needs 2!). It must have made her mad that I was in the kitchen at the Same time she was. I was putting dishes away- because No one else is going to- while i was making him a sandwich. She must have been stoned and paranoid because she thought I was "making noise" and interrupting her on purpose. She stomped in the kitchen and slammed dishes and huffed and puffed and talked under her breath in the living- turning up the TV volume. I just laughed.

Yesterday, I left for work at 630am. By 830am my daughter is texting me that B23 left notes all over the house, on her door, on the fridge, in the bathroom- very mean notes- calling me fat-her ugly- telling us that we are rude and need to respect HER and HER house, one note said I was rude for making noise putting dishes away when she was trying to watch TV (it was 130am! and she was still awake too).

I have been fuming for 2 days. I am seriously considering moving out. All this stress and tension in the house is unbearable and I can't take it anymore. And my daughter- who is the sweetest person I know- doesn't deserve to be constantly threatened and stressed out over a 23 year old girl- who thinks the Bad Girls Club is "good Tv". She is a snobby spoiled rotten brat. And as much as I would love to say it to her face- I have always restrained myself- even when she has purposely called me and my dtr names.

I have threatened to move out at least 3x since April.-All over the same things that are going on now. But when do I say enough is enough? I am also responsible for my father who has dementia- and he needs someone to live with him or he will have to put in assisted living. I have 2 disabled brothers that I have to help out. My mother recently fell ill and was put in a nursing home- so I've had to help take care of her and all her business. I have an alcoholic sister in FL who just went thru a bitter divorce and is losing her house( and her sanity). I am being stretched in so many directions that I am ready to crack. My girlfriend is struggling financially cause her son is in college- her electric got shut off so I paid over $700 to get it turned back on for her. I LOVE my SO more than anything in the world. And our relationship is something written about in Books. It is the most ideal love relationship. Except for our children- who are ripping us apart. I started looking at houses to rent and I am seriously contemplating on moving out to get away from the craziness in that house but I don't want us to break up over it.

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this very long story- and wants to give advice. I am so stressed I feel I can't think logically anymore.

Thanks!