What would you feel?
SD25 is graduating with her Master's in May, on the other side of the country. Her entire life since she was emancipated has been funded by BM. Her new car, her apartment, her tuition is all paid for by BM. DH helped with the security deposit for the apartment, but that was it.
SD doesn't expect DH to go to her graduation, but oddly (for him...not sure about other parents out there) he wants to go. I said go for it. I said we're comfortable financially, so don't let cost deter him since it's a special occasion. I was a bit surprised he wanted to go since BM will be there, and he usually wants me with him in these situations. We have 3 young children, and with the distance, there is no way we would all go.
So now he wants to take our DS6 with him. DS5 is upset he can't go, although DH said if DS6 doesn't want to go, he'll just take DS5. He just feels that he can't handle more than one on this kind of trip. I understand that. I'm actually a bit excited for whichever boy gets to go. It would be nice to go on a trip alone their father. My initial reaction was that it would be odd for BM to really see my son. She had met two of them at SD's undergraduate graduation, but we all kept our distance. DH refused to even attend the breakfast in the morning because he didn't want to be in the same room as BM. We stayed at opposite ends of the auditorium for the ceremony, and she stayed inside the house the sorority picnic was held afterwards. We barely had to speak 5 words to her, which was great. It just feels a bit odd that he wants to take DS6 with him. I know he doesn't like to go to these things alone, and our son will be excited to see his sister, but...
DH claims he has a hard time texting civil texts when BM wishes him a Happy Thanksgiving (why she needs to do that is beyond me...he claims he really hates her). I was thinking the next possible time ever we might have to deal with BM would be SD's marriage (which is not in the near future as she doesn't have a serious boyfriend at the moment.)
Just odd. Not even a vent, and I would not object at all, but awkward. I should be used to that by now! Things are SO much better in recent years. Except for SD's arrest. LOL
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I think he would want to take
I think he would want to take one of the kids as an excuse to look busy. Lol
Really, I think he probably doesn't want to give BM an opening to go talk to him or if she does he can pretend he is busy with DS.
Why does he hate her so much
Very true. Most likely the
Very true. Most likely the case. And it could be a nice experience for DS to spend time alone with DH.
Not sure. I know he is upset he wasted his life with her. She also came out as a lesbian after he left, so there was no connection like what he and I have. I also have a much different personality. They clashed. He said he felt like he was only worth keeping around the house for his money and his upkeep of it, just a tool for BM, while he says he feels part of our family.
She did live way beyond her means and micro-managed SD and there was so much drama between all of them that I can't imagine what life was like. He and BM used to break windows and doors all the time during fights. DH and I barely shout when we're upset. Maybe he's traumatized and blames her? I don't know. I do know that BM still tries to get DH to emotionally support her in her fights with SD which strikes me as odd. I am just so glad SD is on the other side of the country because it means there are fewer fights between her and BM which means less nonsense that trickles down to DH.
You know they say the
You know they say the opposite of love is indifference, not hate.
True. I think he is mad at
True. I think he is mad at all the wasted years with her. She also doesn't ever seem to stop reminding him of her. SD is almost 26, they have been divorced 15 years, we have been married 10 years, and BM still sends letters and texts hers and SD's holiday plans etc. I don't know why he doesn't block her from the phone except maybe he enjoys witnessing the drama between SD and BM that they drag him into.
That would be the answer
That would be the answer except we don't have anyone to watch our children. My father is 80 with dementia and his parents are too old as well.
I want him to go. Would be good for his and SD's relationship.
I'm sorry DH, but if you want
I'm sorry DH, but if you want to take one son, you take both... they are so close in age and you are not going to favor one child over another....
That's all I have to say
the wife does not want to
the wife does not want to go.....
see my view on this - we are married, either we go together or not at all, sorry but no husband of mine will go on his own to his Ex family }:) then again I'm not OP - I will go with and include the boys and teach them to call BM a bitch }:) just joking about the last part
He would not go with BM. I
He would not go with BM. I can almost guarantee he wouldn't even have dinner with alone with SD and BM.
While I do agree with that, I
While I do agree with that, I understand why he wouldn't. It's very hard to handle two together since they "feed" off each other and fight and act crazy. One alone is MUCH easier. It's also such a short trip that I can make it fun for the other two at home for the day or two we are without DH and other son. I also told DH that he should plan a special outing with the other one to make up for it.
you are a good wife.... I
you are a good wife.... I would simply say - Oh DH you can't handle 2 children yet I have to handle 3... suck it up buttercup it's time for you to be a daddy... take 2, I'm taking one.... we both win }:)
LOL. DH freely admits he
LOL. DH freely admits he cannot do what I do. He doesn't have the temperament.
If we could have made a vacation out of it, we all could have gone, but there's not much there for young children.
He did insist we all go to her last graduation. 4 hours by car, oldest was 2, youngest was 1, and it was on Mother's Day. Ugh! Thanks to the distance this time and cost of flights, I get out of it this time. Yay!
He's probably proud his
He's probably proud his daughter has this accomplishment.
He probably wants to take a sone because he anticipates being alone. He will probably keep his distance and just watch eveything from afar. A small child makes that easier to do.
This is what I think he
This is what I think he wants. He would prefer to go with me, but with 3 young children and nobody else to watch them, it's not even worth bringing up.
I am a little surprised he wants to take any child since he says he would love a vacation alone (on days where our house is total chaos lol) but it does make sense that one of the boys would provide buffer between him and BM.