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Pregnant! Ideas for how to tell ss4?

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Eep! It's been about a week that we've known we're pregnant and FDH and I are thrilled (even tho this wasn't planned at all, and will change some plans, we're ridiculously excited) We've decided to wait to tell ss4 till closer to the end of the first trimester, but I didn't know if any of you parents might have some ideas on how to tell him? We think he'll be excited, he's been asking for a baby for some time now, but I also want him to not feel like he's being replaced (he'll be with BM more this next year bc of school) Thoughts? Ideas?

Case of the "oopsies"

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BM left FDH a voicemail today about kindergarten screening for ss4. Said "whoops I totally forgot it was this week" blah blah blah and an she come pick him up tomorrow night and keep him for the rest of OUR time and we can "just pick him up early" next time. Um....NO. And eff you. You gripe and moan about how you're ontime but we never are (hahahahahahahahahaha no sorry sweetie, it's the opposite) and then try and play the overworked mother card and say it slipped your mind? F*ck no.

Help! He's biting...himself

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Ok stepparents - have any of your skids (toddler age, my ss is 4.5) ever bitten themselves? Ss4 has bite marks on his arms and says "I bite myself sometimes". When I asked him why, he said a variation between "I don't know" and "I do it when someone/something bothers me" He name the dog as one reason but I've never actually seen him bite himself around the dog. The thing is, only one bite mark looks fresh. The others look older. And we just picked him up from BM yesterday...and he said at first he doesn't bite himself at BM's, but then got vague about it later.

24 Hours of Temper Tantrums and Whining - I'm going to pull out my hair!!

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Whenever ss4 comes home to us from his BM, he's a little sh*thead. No manners, full of attitude and ready to fight and whine and be a brat. Which is frustrating because at the same time, he's very clearly missed us and wants to hug us and have us pick him up and hold him. Which makes me think this is all BM crap that she's worked up to tick us off (she has a history of doing sh*t like this) This gets none of us ANYWHERE because all it does is confuse and upset ss4.

Surgery Day that includes a phone call from BM equals a pissed off Me

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So today I had to have surgery and FDH was so fabulous about it. Especially considering that our morning started off with an angry phone call from BM. She wanted info from him for CS - which is fine except she knows he works 2nd shift and he isn't fucking up at 8 am, so she woke us up and we already weren't sleeping well because we were worried about the outcome of my surgery - and when he tells her that he can't get the info to her right now, that he's exhausted, it's not right at hand and that it's a bad time could he please call her later? The bitch starts a fight. Seriously?!