I just need to tell someone.
I'm not posting this to find a solution for the problem - because it seems like that's impossible. There are many people in my situation and it seems like this goes on forever and ever...
I've always been bothered by this, but the recent issues made me realise how bad it really is and how annoying.
Everything is about SDs. EVERYTHING.
Their father makes it so, but also their whole family. Except their mother - but she's a different story.
Aunt's bithday? SDs get gifts and money.
Cousin's graduation? SDs get gifts and money.
Family lunch on Sunday? SDs get gifts and money.
Random casual get together? SDs get gifts and money.
Reasoning behind it? WE LOVE THEM.
Ok... I know you love them. But it doesn't mean you have to make your life all about them. EVERY FUCKING TIME they see some family, they get things, and money.
DH gives them things randomly as well, even though they don't deserve any of it.
Everyone gives them whatever they want.
They don't even need to ask or have tantrums. They say that they like something and they're gonna have it.
When DH and I announced that I'm pregnant, his family was like.. "Great news, Congratulations.. Good luck!" and then went back to talking to SDs and about SDs. I'm not exaggarating.. They only said congratulations&good luck and then went back to their SD-centered discussion like we just told them it's raining or something.
Some shit that happened today:
DH calls them from work, asks SD14 if she wants him to bring her some food home because he was buying food for himself.
She says no,she's not hungry.
He comes home, takes the food out of the bag, she comes to the kitchen and asks "what's that".
He replies, she says "OMG I LOVE THAT CAN I HAVE IT?"
"Sure honey, here I'll put it on a plate for you."
She walks off to her room and HE BRINGS IT TO HER!
I was just standing there in disbelief.
I ask him, why did he give it to her, since she said she doesn't want anything and isn't hungry, he bought it for himself and there's plenty of food in the fridge.. He says "She wanted it. I'd rather she eats it than me if she enjoys it." And just stares at me like I'm crazy for even asking.
They're royalty, they're perfect. They can do no wrong and everything has to be about them because no one is good enough to take their spotlight.
WHAT THE FUCK.
I know I can't fix this - but I had to tell someone, and I guess you guys on steptalk would understand me.
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Comments
I'm sorry, I don't know what
I'm sorry, I don't know what a Lifetime movie is
They are able to function in the real world because they decieve and manipulate - all three are masters of it. If you ask any teacher or neighbour, they're polite kind girls always ready to help. They run to help grannies cross the street.. But only if they know that the grandma they helped will give them money for being sweet. And this is a REAL example.
Their family says they're their pride.
But these girls don't have that lovely personalities, they're just lovely manipulators.
+Their mother is a business woman,and she teaches them how to "succeed". She did succeed- but I have to say that it's not really the most fair or good way to do so. I give it to her that she's successful, but she didn't achieve it in a good way. However she's passing her ways onto the next generation.
Ok…now this is not something
Ok…now this is not something that I would get my knickers in a twist about.
Don’t get me wrong…your DH is a douche bag as a father and a husband, but the food is a small thing.
So what if he wants to give her his food? Worst that can happen is DH gets hungry or has to make or go buy more food. Let him own the results of him being stupid. I don’t think you should have said a word in this instance. JMHO
It's not about the food. It's
It's not about the food. It's that she's realizing he's raising spoiled, entitled brats who will never function in the real world and that will be a probelm for the rest of her married life, no matter how old those kids get.
Indeed- the food is not the
Indeed- the food is not the problem. The problem is his, and his family's behaviour towards them.
They function the real world, that's not a problem..
But they're a problem for my marriage, they're a problem for me.
What concerns me the most is
What concerns me the most is not that your DH and family members will ignore your child when born (although they might) but that they will try to raise her to be a self centered monster too.
I don't have a problem with treating young children to extra things IF and this a a HUGE IF you are also training them to treat others - not to just be on the receiving end. Teaching children that it is very rewarding to do good things for others is great. But it can't be a one way street.
In this family, my SDs are
In this family, my SDs are the favored ones.
And what seems even crazier is that all the other kids adore SDs so they don't even complain about it! Only one girl said something about SDs being the center of the universe, but only after a fight with SD16.. No one mentioned that EVER before, or after that.
Yeah that sucks. It happened
Yeah that sucks. It happened to me on our couples trip. SO said he needed to get SS to that place so he could play his sax in the parade we were watching. Thanks SO for ruining our romantic getaway. I do not want SS going to our place. He can go somewhere else.
But I said nothing because I would have been a criminal to feel the way I did.
Um that is ultra weird and
Um that is ultra weird and not to offend.. but kind of creepy.
I shudder to think what is
I shudder to think what is going to happen when your child is born.
The SDs will find themselves playing second fiddle to the newborn and from the sounds of things they are not going to like that one bit.
Speaking from personal experience be prepared for them to act up even more, be even more needy, and throw in some crocodile tears for good measure.
You say they don't throw tantrums - Oh dear I see it coming - it looms on the horizon....
What I fear, and I'm almost
What I fear, and I'm almost sure it will happen, is that my baby will play second fiddle to them.
EVERYONE plays second fiddle to them. There are other children in the family, older and younger, but still, everything revolves around them.
They don't throw tantrums - they're cold and calculated. That's why they're so hard to deal with - they don't do anything that would cause them problems. It's hard to blame them for anything they really do because they do it in a way that keeps their "angelic" image that they give out to everyone around them.
Something they get from both sides of the family.
Okay, I am genuinely
Okay, I am genuinely frightened for you.
Did they read "The Prince" by Machievelli and Sun Tzu's "Art of War"?
Believe me, I'm frightened
Believe me, I'm frightened too.
I think they could have totally read that! Sounds like something they'd like.
They never stole, or tried to
They never stole, or tried to harm me physically.. I don't fear that they will try to hurt the baby, I'm just not sure this is the life I want for me or my baby. :?
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate that all of you took time to respond, it means a lot to me to get support and help from you!
Thank you again.
I want to fight it too.. It's
I want to fight it too.. It's just that I'm afraid this could be an already lost battle!
SDs don't talk about themselves, their family does.. They talk about them, or with them.. SDs don't insist on that, the family just does it.
I don't think that my husband's family would be too bothered by me asking where was a treat for our daughter.. They don't really react to anything that people tell them. They got their own way of doing things, and whoever mentiones it may be wrong, even if it's one of them, gets shut down immidiately.
And unfortunately, all of this is getting out for me to see now that it's too late ! :sick:
LMAO, that is a great policy
LMAO, that is a great policy ... Bravo!!!!!
OP, I think you've brought up
OP, I think you've brought up the biggest misunderstanding my SO has about me. He says I hate his son. But I really don't. My life simply does not revolve around SS as much as his does. and that's why SO says I'm cold and uncaring. Well okay, I'm not cold but I'm also not as interested in SS16 as SO is. And btw, SS16 could care less about me. But I will never get SO to see my perspective.
They just DON'T WANT to see
They just DON'T WANT to see our perspective!!!
Wreck...what do you want to
Wreck...what do you want to happen? What do you want your DH to do?
Say...today...what do you want your DH to do to make you feel better?
I feel your pain...we get the
I feel your pain...we get the same with my SD. I swear all she needs to do is fart and her grandparents give her money. It's ridiculous. They even made a point of bringing HER a gift on my son's 1st Birthday party!! The 1 day of the year that my son could maybe have a turn in the spotlight, but no...
There seems to be something about SD's and family obsession with going overboard to make them feel appreciated. It goes so far that it backfires and they become conceited, materialistic, spoiled brats with no regard for others, with no ability to function as an independent adult.
I don't really have any advice for you, but DH can't continue to raise the SDs this way; it will only do them a disservice when they grow up and realise actually they're not the centre of the universe after all....I'm not going to get gifts all the time for no reason.