My 6 Month Plan - Accept SKID or Move On
Three years into SD6 being in my life and I am at the end of my rope.(I have no kids)I love SO very much and the only bad thing in our relationship that causes friction is SKID. But I have to find a way to either accept and tolerate her OR move on and stop whining about it, I have decided the following......
By September 5th (6 Months) I will have made a decision on whether to stay or go based on.....
I am totally disengaging, which I have been doing for sometime now anyway BUT I will no longer speak to SKID unless she speaks first, if she is rude to me and SO does not address it right away I will tell her myself and if SO defemds her, I will ask him to leave if he is not prepared to back me in our home and that until SKID can treat me with respect she is not welcome in our home, afterall our home IS NOT SKIDS HOME, she is a visitor.
SO is to pay for him and SKID in anything we do, I will pay for myself only. I like treating SO when SKID is not around, but I will not pay one penny towards SKID, she is NOT my kid.
I am not interested in listening about anything to do with SKID, don't talk to me about her.
I will be civil and polite as long as SKID is with me, I will accept she comes to our home eow and twice in the week for a few hours after school but if I choose to be out and about when she is there, SO needs to accept that and if he can't, then he needs to find someone who will accept his kid and maybe be realistic of the kind of person that he is dating, meaning that a career woman with NO kids of her own cannot be expected to want to look after someone else's kid.
I will make a decision on 5th September and I will stick to it.
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Comments
you are wise to do this
you are wise to do this BEFORE you are married. i didn't wise up until after the marriage. for the most part, dh has quit with most of the expectations, but HATES that it leaves him alone with his kid alot. but, i occassionally still get suckered in. i've noticed i'm fine as long as i volunteer, but if he guilts me, i'm highly resentful. he needed to understand what i do/do not do for his kids is TOTALLY at my discretion. it is all dependant on whether your so will accept this or not. i've told my dh that maybe next time he'll be honest with the woman he dates and let her know early on that he's looking for a baby momma, sugar momma and someone who's only goal in life is to take care of his kids and his mother for the rest of their life. i think he got it. only you can decide what you can live with.
We are engaged but I wouldn't
We are engaged but I wouldn't and couldn't marry him as things stand and I am tired of stating the obvious when it comes to SKID and what should be expected of her manners wise.
I am just going to love out the next 6 months and see how things unfold, I am no longer going to voice my opinion about SKID, which nearly always leads to problems as Disney Dad loves to believe that SKID is perfect. I feel for him and his over compensating for not living with her, but the way she is allowed to behave will do her no favours in the long run, she will either be a bully or be the bullies target, you can see it a mile off and so can friends of ours, but my SO can't see it.
I always feel the SO is different when SKID is around, he says not, but he is, not as relaxed and seems on edge. Anyway I am not going to expect anything from SO on SKID weekend except manners, that way I can't get disappointed and start rows as I feel I am being ignored.
Hopefully I can find a way to accept SKID and we can move forward to a future together BUT I have a funny feeling that won't happen. If love alone could save this relationship we would be fine BUT I know it runs deeper than that, I need respect and honesty and while SO respects me, SKID doesn't and SO will not see that or make her have respect for me and without that we have nothing except love which simply is not enough.