ss16 lives with us 24/7 and I feel the exact same feelings for him as you do for sd6. He's been with us full time for 4 years. He never goes to bm's, ever. It's been rocky, up and down and sometimes I feel like quitting. Now he is old enough to get his own food, do his own laundry, clean his room and so on. It's also getting very close to him leaving and going into the military, 2 1/2 more years!

My dh says "just be nice" so mostly I am nice. Last night DH said that I am barely nice to both ss and sdog, and that they notice it and feel very sad. I just stood there and laughed, especially that dh included the dog in the feelings part. I think dh is right but do I care. Then I piped up and said that in the 4 years I have been caring for ss16 I have done more for him then his own mom.

I have been with my BF over a year now. We don't live together. But when he has his S11 I am MIA. I want NOTHING to do with his kid. And I mean nothing...EVER. When he gets him EOWE the only contact I have with my BF is via text/calls. My BF obviously misses me and wants to be with me BUT he accepts and understands how I feel about his brat so it works for us.
When we do get married some day and live together nothing will change. I will continue to do my own thing and BF can deal with his spawn, SOLO.

It does suck sometimes when he has his kid because my BF and I are always together when he is skidless. But I would MUCH rather not have to see/hear/be around skid than be miserable with his presence. BF and I don't communicate as frequently as we normally do when he has his kid, sometimes because I am just pissy because he has skid and sometimes because BF doesn't text me that much. But I love my man and it is a small price to pay for not having to be around skid I suppose. I am just grateful that he doesn't have skid that much. Alot of times skid/bm cancel on BF and BF's attitude is pretty much "whatever" now because he knows how his kid and bm are so there is no loss there.

I used to ask the same question..."Can this work if I loathe skid" but many on here and on my own I have realized that it can work! If two people are on the same page and communicate and respect eachothers feelings etc. it can work! I am fortunate that I have a man that is totally accepting of my feelings and never pushes his brat on me ever. He doesn't ask or expect anything from me. He knows that HIS kid is HIS problem!!!

My DH has 50/50. There is an extreme change in the atmosphere when the 2 SKids are visiting. I have no desire to be in the house and there is an ackwardness that is almost indescribable. I am always sure to have plans all weekend long when the skids are visiting. During the weeknights that they are home, I stay at work until I know the Skids are in bed. One of the skids is severely disabled (he is a preteen, but is about the level of an 8 month old), so when the Skids are visiting, DH is pretty much completely consumed with taking care of him (changing his diaper, blending his food and feeding him, bathing him, giving him nutrition in his feeding tube, etc.), and I am okay with that. SD has gotten into the habit of telling BM everything that goes on in our home (and even makes up some stuff) and so I have grown to distrust SD even more.

DH gets upset with me that I leave and do not want to be around, but I do not want to be stuck in the house all weekend watching DH care for SS. I do not ask DH not to spend time with the skids and in return I do not want him to ask me to spend time with the skids. I think DH feels left out when I am meeting up with our friends, etc. and he misses out. I try to make him feel better about it, but I can tell it wears on him.

When the skids are around, I also notice that DH is not as happy, seems to have a short fuse, and is mentally exhausted. He hardly smiles and is in an ultra stressed out mood. This likely adds to the bad atmosphere, which is why I am so happy to get the heck out of dodge when the skids are around!!

When the skids are NOT with DH, our home is like HEAVEN! We have great weeknights and weekends together. Every moment is fun and laughter... the stark contrast to the time the skids are around is profound.

Do we have horrible atmosphere at home when skids are visiting?

No - but I can get a bit resentful that I am ignored while DH spends the weekend on Disney dadding. He does not resent my disengagement - in fact it works for him and the SKIDs, because they can be up each other's butt as much as they want without me expressing disapproval.

How do you and other half get on when SKIDs are visiting?

Not too bad, but not as well as the rest of the time. I feel myself withdraw in self protective mode, from him. We are never intimate when the SKIDs come.

Does SO spend more time with SKIDs than with you on their weekends?

Is the Pope Catholic? I am lucky if I get half an hour of his time per day.

Do the SKIDs speak to you?

Not unless I speak to them first, and then it is fairly brief.

My DH has 4 kids. The oldest, SD31 and youngest SS17 used to come over. I would retreat to my room and drink wine. The two middle daughter's are PAS'd and have never come over. My DH was the consummate Disney dad, even to SD31.

When they did visit, the atmosphere did change. Sadly for DH, he could not really relate to his son as more time.passed. He has been privy to SS's twitter rants and has been deeply hurt by his words. I don't think he wants to stick his neck out, only to get his head chopped off. I found, during those days, that I did more encouraging him to spend the evening with his kid rather than hang out with me, watching movies in our bedroom. Like some, he grew apart from his kid as the PAS campaign was in full force at the troll's house.

I disengaged about a year ago. Primarily, there were strict limitations on my wallet. When my disposable income was no longer up for grabs, his kids stopped talking to him. Of course, that doesn't stop them from casting a line into the water, hoping he'll bite. Part of the disengagement, for me, is that I refuse to purchase, remind, send etc anything to his kids, gkids, or his parents. I have found peace. True peace. My DH, though, tries to get me to reengage. Nope.

Do you have a horrible atmosphere in your home when SKID's are visiting?
-I don't enjoy it.

How do you and your other half get on when SKID's are visiting?
-We ONLY argue about his asshole brats.

Doe's your other half spend more time with SKIDS than you on there weekends?
-Yes

Do the SKID's speak to you?
-Nope, it is fucking stupid.

Do you have a horrible atmosphere in your home when SKID's are visiting?
It can be uncomfortable, uneasy, hostile

How do you and your other half get on when SKID's are visiting?
distant, unaffectionate, sometime I feel non existent...I walk behind them while they hold hands (not sure if this is a big deal or not)

Do the SKID's speak to you?
sd14 does sd20 won't be in my presence. I met her once and we said hello and that was it not even good bye.

Doe's your other half spend more time with SKIDS than you on there weekends?
at some point yes he was because I was not "allowed" around them according to bm. Dh refuses to go to court and allows bm to call the shots(another story, right). I finally said enough is enough is enough. They don't want me around then they have to see you less because we have a family we are trying to establish and maintain. So he cut it back but it was every weekend. Now every few weekends.

Do you have a horrible atmosphere in your home when SKID's are visiting?

YES. It is awful. I hate every single second he is under the same roof as I am even if I am barricaded in my bedroom. The fact that I have to stay in my room in my own damn house just to keep from going totally insane makes me so mad, but it is better than having to be in the same room as him and DH.

How do you and your other half get on when SKID's are visiting?

We don't. We are like strangers. DH morphs into skids bitch and I am a bitch for not following right behind him.

Doe's your other half spend more time with SKIDS than you on there weekends?

Yes. Before I disengaged, I did not exist to DH unless he was bitching at me or needed me to do something. DH's favorite thing was to take out all of his aggression on me after skid would push him to his breaking point. Now, I stay away from them as much as possible when skid is here an DH damn sure doesn't try to find time for me. He is too far up skids ass and vice versa.

Do the SKID's speak to you?
He tries to push my buttons when I do come out of hiding to cook, take the dog out, do chores, etc. He is a snotty, rude, crude, nasty little individual and I just look thru him as if he is not there.

I do not clean up after him, I do not cook for him, if DH feeds him what I cook, whatever, but he usually turns his nose up to it in order to get DH to take him to Donnells (ugh, what he calls McDonald's), I do not put his shit up, I do not help DH AT ALL. I used to, and I hated every single second of it.