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Seems like old times......

Vichychoisse's picture

Submitted by Vichychoisse on Mon, 07/20/2015 - 2:20pm

I haven't been around here for several years.... mainly because things were going pretty great, and I guess I didn't feel the need to vent quite as much. But, of course need for advice has brought me back! I posted in the forum about the trials and tribulations of late with SD14. Quite a thing we have there. Sigh.

In the 2-3 years since I last posted, this happened:

  • BM admitted she'd be staying out of state long term and so we made better CS arrangements. She paid when she felt like it and didn't believe we needed as much as we asked for. We went to court. Judge agreed with us and gave us what we were asking, now it's coming directly out of her paycheck. She proceeded to call DH a "bully" publicly for doing so. Asshole.
  • DH and I got MARRIED! Why? Because the taxes they slam you with on domestic partner health insurance is INSANE. We got married to save $600 a month. Yep.
  • SD16 went through some stuff with drugs. Probably just teenage experimentation for the most part but long story short, got her in a program and she graduated and is actually maturing into a decent human being. Proud of her.
  • I got a separate apartment. Our house was too small for the 4 of us living there full time: 1000 sqft did not accommodate bedrooms for 2 teenage girls and a home office for DH, and we did not find anything suitable in a larger house. For about the same money I just got a separate 2br apartment where I stay for the most part and DH works. IT IS THE BEST THING I HAVE DONE. It helped SO MUCH! I was suffocating and now I have my own skid-free space.

Anyway now that I have been back here and reading the posts again I realize how much this place has helped me in the past and I'd like to be a part of it again. I love reading all of your posts and gleaning all of the wisdom here. It's awesome.

Comments

Vichychoisse's picture

Submitted by Vichychoisse on Mon, 07/20/2015 - 3:08pm

OMG YES.

It's weird explaining our relationship... but I don't care. We are happily married but live separately... so? Biggrin

Funny thing - anytime I talk about our situation it's like this:

Man: *confused then suspicious* "ummm... what? why? er..... oookaaaaay, whatever works for you I guess... uhhhh"
Unmarried woman: *surprised then pity* "oh... sorry...."
Married woman: *aghast then envious* "omg, that sounds GREAT"

Monchichi's picture

Submitted by Monchichi on Tue, 07/21/2015 - 3:04am

I'm unmarried and envious Blum 3 Although we are engaged and live together. So that might be the kicker.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Tue, 07/21/2015 - 3:16am

I halted my forward plunge through the engagement into living together ... mainly due to what I have learned here on STeptalk. Postponed while under discussion. I freely admit to using STeptalk as my premarital counseling resource.

Vichychoisse's picture

Submitted by Vichychoisse on Tue, 07/21/2015 - 5:25pm

It's been over a year now and I don't really see any cons apart from the extra utility bills that are probably end up costing more than if we were just in a bigger house. But our rent evens out for the most part, mainly because our house is a great deal. I understand we're lucky to be able to afford it and rental situations are different than owning.

DH feels a bit of pressure in terms of splitting his time between homes, as do I, but it's much better than the pressures we felt before - me feeling the obligation to parent due to proximity and him feeling the need to protect me from the skids' BS. Those pressures are gone and we're partners like never before. I feel free to do what I feel comfortable with -- at least twice a week I happily make a meal for everyone in my lovely, clean, organized, junk-food-free apartment kitchen and then bring it over to the house, for example -- and he can deal with the skids as he sees fit without worrying about how it all impacts me; because mostly it doesn't.

Of course I'm not the type that needs to wake up every morning next to my mans, especially since our schedules are so different and I appreciate not being woken up at odd times nor waking him up unnecessarily. We're in our mid-40s and pretty independent, so we both like our alone time.

Not for everyone, but it works for us!