Wow , I didn't realize how my skids were effecting my other kids!!
What do I do????!!!
My daughter 10, said to me this morning as we were discussing funny dreams from the night before, Mom, in my dream we got a new house and I had my own room ( she shares with her sister5)and she talked about the house we were looking at and then my son8 said that he wants to share a room with son 17months, I said well that sounds great but there are 6 kids and 4 bedrooms, so I said everyone needs to share, well in my dream she says SS15 and SS13 live with their Bm, I mentioned where will they sleep when they visit, she said I don't want them to visit, they always fight and yell and make you and DH upset!!!!! WOW!!! eye opener!! and BS8 and BD5 both said they didn't want ss's to come over anymore because they are always picking on them and teasing, and taking thier things and breaking them! I didn't know what to say!!! what do you say when kids tell you these things!!!???? I changed the subject to the County fair we attende yesterday and asked them how much fun we had, BD10 said they would have had more fun if ss13 hadn't been there, I asked Why? she said he was the one who turned the lights on in the van to run the battery dead, and bs8 said he did see me waiving DH down trying to get his attention so I could get a boost, and Bd10 reminded me of the money he kept taking from DH jacket for games and candy then he told DH that Dh must have lost it, it must have fallen out of your pocket, bs6 said she had seen him take it! I am tired of ss's behaviour and so is DH and now I know our other kids have noticed, what do I do!!??????
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Dh has laid down the law with
Dh has laid down the law with Skids that is why they both live withBM now ( last 3 months) BM lets them do whatever they want when ever, no rules and totally disnyland parents them and she tells them lies about us and she is soo jelous ecspecially over the birth of our last son 17 months when her boyfriend just wanted to play with him and he was just loving holding the baby( she can't have anymore thank God) and she is also jelous of our other kids at how well behaved they are because Dh and I use discipline when nessecary. Dh has told Skids that if they don't want to respect the rules of our house then they are not welcome to upset our whole household to suit your attitude. SS15 has not been here in 6 weeks because he knows Dh means business, ss13 just thinks he can get away with anything because he is cute. I still am at a loss as to how Dh and i are going to handle this without permanantly scarring Skids!!??
We (dh and I ) started a
We (dh and I ) started a conversation with the skids and reminded them that there are other children in this home and that they want to look up to you two as big brothers but all you seem to be doing is bullying them and trying to get them in trouble or trying to start fights. they just flew off the handle about how we don't care about them anymore and how they can't do anything when they are here and how our home sucks blah, blah, blah..... Long story short it actually made things worse!! But thank you for your input!
Oh my...so new to this
Oh my...so new to this steptalk forum but so glad I found it...My step child(almost 11 girl)is the she-devil and everyday I see things she does or says rubbing off on my daughter....my daughter who laughs at things someone else might think isnt funny..now is becoming my daughter who crys if I get on her for anything. I think I am neglecting my own to make anothers children happy!
Furie...it goes far deeper
Furie...it goes far deeper then what I just wrote above...I have the same rules for the kids....the dad doesn't...mostly when it comes to his daughter...not his son...he can be hard as hell on him for his grades...which I say hurt no one but himself...but she is hurting others with all of her actions and he doesn't seem to get the fact that if you dont make her be held accountable for all she does she will grow up to be a very nasty adult...I made a post of my own...kind of long but worth a read!
My SS10 came to live with us
My SS10 came to live with us around a year ago and he does the same things to my BD6. He takes her toys, breaks them, he teases her and does just all out mean things. There was 1 picture that my daughter had for about 3 yrs. She taped it to her pencil box and kept it for this long. The picture was getting old and was crumbled. Then one day I see it laying on the floor and it has X's in the faces. I was HOT. For a 5yr old, at the time, to keep a picture that long and want it to stay with her is something nice. For that little runt to come along and put X's on the faces, I could've knocked him out.
The way I handled the breaking of the toys and things like that is I called him out on it, looked him in the face and waited for an answer? He stopped dead in his tracks when confronted and put his head down. I said WHY did you break these thigns? response: IDK. NO, that's not an answer, YOU DO KNOW. Your old enough to know, so why did you do it? Answer: IDK. I said I have all day to stand here and watch you stand there, so WHY did you do it. 2nd Answer: b/c I hate her. We talked about the hate part. Then I said ok, so when I get mad I am going to take your Nintendo DS and break it and write on it and then I am going to take your stuffed animal that you love and rip it's head off. Then when I am done with that, I am going to take 2 other toys/games you love and do the same thing to them. So b/c I am mad is this ok to do? would that be ok with you if I did that anytime I get mad? NO, so don't do that to other peoples things or else it will be done to yours also. I think that basically stopped that. If things keep happening take a toy/game everytime she mouths off. Give her the warning 1 time before you start taking them and when she realizes she is missing a ton of things she might change her tone. She might hate you still, butttttttttt when she is sitting w/out her electronics and her toys at least you will smile....heheheh. If your going to lose your mind, at least have some fun with it right? hehe.
My kids are very aware of the
My kids are very aware of the differences in disciplining. 8 years ago they complained about the injustice. I explained that I was not going to change and it is for their own good. (Yeah, right, mom.) Now they see how different they are from the SKIDS.. In spite of being mouthy, good self-esteem, social, gracious, honest, respectful, accountable, caring.
SD just went off to college... the first week they kids said it is soo good that SD is not here.. I said it's only been a week, not really different than before (50/50). The oldest said... it is...there is no cloud looming over your head on Friday. And your not hiding out in your office. And DH is not as quiet. He seems happier too!
Kids notice!!
Totally true Dh now seems
Totally true Dh now seems happier and I am happier now that Skids have moved out and we have both noticed a big change in our other kids because they have been total rays of sunshine lately, and after ss13 visiting for the weekend it is really more noticeable the difference!! Not to mention our sex life has just gone through the roof i mean it was always great but now it is WOW!! Dh has much more energy and has even said "now that SS's arent here I don't have to deal with their fighting and chaos, I have the time and energy for more important things!!" What a Guy!!LOl!!
Looks like my life is headed
Looks like my life is headed that way too. Dh and I have 3 bios. The oldest 2- 4 and 5 like ss12 prob about half of the time he visits. But we are going thru he same thing too. Dd5 already is starting to notice how things are different when ss visits. And ds4 sometimes says he wishes ss wouldn't come. It's not so bad yet, but I see it headed downhill the older the bios get. We are trying to 'fix' things now so I'm anxious to see what advice you get. Sorry I have no advice myself but at least you know there is someone out here going thru the same thing.