I thought that this site was a place for undersanding not bashing!
I have come here when I really need to get a few things off my chest with out taking it out on my family and to look for support and understanding, and for the most part I have recieved support, understanding, and great advice. But I have also got alot of critcism for my views towards my Skids. Yes I will admit that I for the most part cannot stand these Skids, but I would never let them know that, I treat them with love and respect (like and love are 2 different things) I encourage them and help them and praise them and do nice things for them, but In return I have gotten nothing but hatred and contempt from them ( at BM's urging) I also understand that there are going to be some psycological issues that they are dealing with because their BM abandonded them when they were young so she could go party all the time. But I don't like being attacked for venting my frustration here when this is what this site is for! I have to deal with skids that pick fights and bully the other 4 children in the family and disrespect me and their father, and when DH is not around it is almost unbearable to be around them, like when they start calling me a f*cking Bit@hbecause i asked them not to eat in the living room( a household rule) and they expect me to be their maid and pick up after them and make them snacks, they are 15 and 13 years old. my 5 year old can make herself a piece of toast or get a piece of fruit when she wants a snack, she also cleans her room and puts her laundry away, and takes her plate off of the table, all these things I cannot even ask my skids to do without a total scene and name calling and none of this comes from me. so before anyone condems my behaviour you should know what my behaviour is and what horrible behaviour I have directed at me on a regular basis. The old saying still goeas Do not judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes!!!
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Good advice nomi!! I agree
Good advice nomi!! I agree with nomi, don't take it personally some people regardless of whether they are on this site or in person don't have "good intentions with advice" instead the have "a hidden agenda" what ever the case may be. Venting here is good for those that just need a place to do just that VENT!!! Sometimes we vent and don't mention everything we say that's called venting, sometimes we really have a deep seeded issue and need the help of others that may have already been in our shoes. Regardless, this is a place to come to say and speak your mind without punishment.
Stay strong and be confident there are people here that care!!
Thanks!
Thanks!
I posted on one of your other
I posted on one of your other threads, and I noticed the individuals who opined that the issues posted there must be the fault of your DH. As I said there, if they can't understand what you're saying, they should be thankful it hasn't happened to them.
Some people here have really horrible situations. Some have basically good situations with your "typical" sfamily irritants. Occasionally you will run up against someone's conviction that they would "never" feel a certain way or do a certain thing. That just means they've never been pushed to their line.
I'm not saying if they *were* pushed to their line, they'd cross it. But if they still feel it's ok to judge others for being there, instead of offering their perspective and support, then they haven't been at the line at all. If they had, they'd wish you luck and thank their lucky stars they weren't in your shoes today.
Some people don't get it. Some never will. But some do. Watch out for those - you'll find some here.
Good luck...
L
Vgill, I would not tolerate
Vgill,
I would not tolerate the crap you describe from your Skids (15&13). The first time my kid (SS) called me a fucking anything I would have back handed him across the room then removed his ass with a belt. Not then he was a young child but at 15 and 13 his ass would have been mine. I have never struck my SS other than spanking him but what you describe would have opened a can of BLAP on him in a heartbeat.
IMHO the only psychological issue your Skids have is not getting appropriate discipline when they were younger. Just me layman's opinion of course.
I recommend web cams. Put a wireless web cam in the primary locations where their behavior occurs. When DH gets home show him the footage of them calling you a F-ing bitch, etc..... Then tell DH that he will address it immediately and permanently or his kids will never enter your home again, abandoned by their BM or not.
It is unfortunate that you were subjected to abusive responses from some members or this community. I too was shredded in my early activities as a Stalker primarily over discussion of discipline. But, I stuck it out. Stalk has been a big part of my coping system in dealing not only with my marriage to a single teen mom and raising a step son but also dealing with the insanity and toothless moron drama provided by the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan.
Ultimately my wife and I won the blended family war. The SpermClan is now out of our son's life (my SS) and he will likely never see them again until he is fully self sufficient adult. Then, seeing them is his choice. We never denied our son (my SS) a relationship with BioDad and the SpermClan and keeping them somewhat under control in order to minimize the toxic drama they exposed our son to was a 16+ year effort. But, in the end he has turned out to be a pretty decent 18yo young man. He still has a lot of issues to deal with but now that the influence of the polluted end of his gene pool is behind him he will have a much smoother road to travel. At least I hope so.
I look forward to hearing more from you on your Skid issues. I hope you can get them in alignment with appropriate behavior soon.
Best regards,
I thank you for all your
I thank you for all your support, and as for the discipline thing, the last time I disciplined ss15 he tried to push me down the stairs and the last time I disciplined ss13 for calling me a bit@h and I slapped his face, he pushed me on the ground while I was 7 months pregnant, Dh was working both times and both times BM was on her way to pick them up for her visit, I let her know what had happened each time and than they left, and I know that ss's had convinced BM that it had all been my fault on both occaisions. I have 4 other children and I get love and respect from all of them and so does DH and he is Sfather to 3 of them and he adores them, and they adore him over thier Bdad, Dh is just now seeing what a bad effect his bkids 15 and 13 have had on our household and him. Dh and I are just at our wits end with kids 15 and 13, he just finally agreed that they could live with BM, and she can deal with their attitudes and we can have some peace in our lives. Again Thank You all for your support!!
lmao!!!
lmao!!!
Here are my thoughts for
Here are my thoughts for whatever they are worth.
I think there is a big difference between asking for opinions and advise and just "venting". If you're truly seeking opinion and/or advise, the I'm not sure you can complain when you don't get the advise you want. If you clearly state you are "venting", then I think we (as posters) need to respect that venting is just that...venting.
I also think that if you have kids/stepkids who are cursing at you and/or becoming violent, your issues are more serious than anyone on this site, or any other can help you with. I wonder why you would stay with a man who would allow ANYONE, let alone a child, to treat you that way.
Finally, I think I remember that it was your DH who raised the kids, right? Isn't your BM completely out of the picture? So why do you stay with a man who raised kids who behave like that?
Sometimes I think when we are in the middle of all the chaos, it's easy to lose perspective. But I'll tell you this: If one of my kids, step or bio, even raised a voice to me in a disrespectful way, the entire world would come down on his head. And I'm not exaggerating. My DH would never allow anyone to talk to me like that. So, again, why are you still in that environment?
I don't like Dr. Phil most of the time. I'm not a fan of the touchy-feely pop-psychology crap. But I do like his saying "People treat you the way you teach them to treat you".
You don't deserve to be called names. You don't deserve to be hit. You don't deserve to be treated like a maid. So why do you allow it?
Well the skids don't
Well the skids don't disrespect me when Dh is around, they know better, these skids have absolutley no respect when he is gone and they now live with BM( Thank the Lord) Their attitudes have worsened towards me and DH has noticed this also and has spoke to them about this, and has advised them that I am a permenant fixture in his life and if they cannot respect both he and I in our own home then they can keep their disrespectfull attitudes at BM's SS15 has not been here in 6 weeks!! We both know that their bad attitudes and disrespect come from BM and her urging them to be that way towards me so she doesn't have to feel like a bad Mom for deserting her kids 12 years ago, so she could go sluting around and always high and drunk. Even BM's dad has been disapointed in her behaviour and he's an alcholic. I just feel at a complete loss with these skids, and I have alot of expierence with kids, I am the oldest of 7 kids I took care of my younger siblings and was changing diapers at 10, I babysat at least 30 kids of various ages all over the neighbourhood, but these skids are beyond anything I have ever delt with!!!
vgill, Regardless of reason,
vgill, Regardless of reason, you do not deserve to be treated with disrespect. It doesn't matter if your DH sees it or not. If you tell him it happened, then it happened. End of discussion.
This isn't about experience with kids. Normal kids don't act that way. This is about boundaries. And about your DH protecting you from any abuse from his kids.
Cheers! I agree with that. IF
Cheers! I agree with that. IF and WHEN we allow people (little people or big people) to treat and talk to us with disrespect and "take" any form of physical abuse we inturn hand over our rights to them. Getting your rights back, is much more difficult than handing then over. Just by disregarding or excusing them we give them permission to continue the abuse (verbal or physical) and normally it empowers the abuser so the abusive behavior will escalate. Basically, you need to stop it before it starts!!! If you let it happen and let it slide or dh let it slide then to regain control will be more challenging but regardless you need to gain it quickly. Otherwise you will never be without abuse because you have given the abuser the upperhand.
My suggestion, sit down with dh now that skids are with bm and tell him you seriously have concerns about their behavior towards you which will (not may) WILL escalate and may even be asserted on others as well. Tell him you need his help, (since these are his kids) because he seems to have more authority with them. You would like to have a family meeting in which he will give you just as much or more of his authority. Whether he is at home or not! He is authorizing you to be a disciplinary adult in their life. They need to understand and respect the new rule. If they do not x will happen. If theres a possiblity that they continue to step over boundaries z will happen.
Then the first time the skids get out of line you follow through. It will take time and consistency but (hopefully) time will tell. You and dh have to keep at it. Another thing that helped me was saying to the kids that mommy has a set if rules at her house and we have our rules in our house! It's the facts and they have to learn to adapt. Afterall life in the real world, work, social, etc is about adapting!
Good luck!