I lost my temper with SD ONCE...never happened again.

I was being a nosey woman and looking at her cell phone texts to BM...I shouldn't have been looking in the first place (already know that). But I found some nasty texts about my son and how SD feels like he ruins everything and then bm responds with a bunch of coddling icky remarks.

I flew off the handle and went to SD and DH and said something everything i felt about her...called her a spoiled,entitled,bratty little snot and I told her that her stepbrother is four years younger than her but she acts and talks like a 2 year old so she shouldn't be critical of him for acting his age. Then I went on to say I'm taking the cell phone that *I* gave her if she is going to use it to be hateful to members of our family. I told her I didn't care if I never saw her stupid bratty annoying manipulating sneaky ass ever again.

Of course, SD began howling and wailing..tears and snot bubbles flying everywhere as I stalked into my room and slammed the door.

DH came raging in after me and told me ,"get the fuck out of my house you stupid nasty bitch before I call the cops."

Obviously, we're married, it's my house too...I didn't leave and told him to call the cops and see how far he got.

Anyway...after that episode we ran(not walked)RAN to therapy. But I've never ever to this day blown up on SD. I know where DH's real loyalty lies and it isn't with me.
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"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down." ~Aut

Yep. Several times over the years.

The end result was that I learned from my mistakes and moved on to be a much better Dad.

The fact is that Parents like everyone else on the planet make mistakes. The measure is whether or not we learn from those mistakes, grow beyond our mistakes and do not make the same mistake again.

My Son (SS-17) and I have a strong relationship and have learned in the last 16 years how to apologize, refocus on our relationship and move on when either of us loose our temper with the other.

He has also learned to run fast so that he can stay at least one step ahead of me and survive the times when he gets me so frustrated that I am ready to blow my stack and do him in.

My wife and I have both raised our voices with him and when he was younger he did get a spanking or 3 (lying is not tolerated in our home). When he was 15 he did take a swing at me once and ended up out side, with one shoe, no coat in the middle of a driving snow storm. Once I calmed down I realized that that incident as with most instances of me loosing my temper was more about me than him. So, I did some soul searching, talked to some professionals (therapists not hookers) and fixed my own perspective.

Interestingly, it is I that am being the calm rational one during his very trying Sr year of high school. My wife is ready to kill him.

One thing is for sure. If my wife and I ever decide to have another child, that child will owe a debt of gratitude to my Son (SS) for teaching me how to be a Dad. That is the same debt that all younger Sibs owe the older ones.

Parenthood does not come with an owners manual. We have the example set by our own parents and the lessons we learn from our own mistakes as parents. Parenting is a learning process that never ends.

Just ask my own parents. I am 46yrs old and I still drive them crazy.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

I have lost it with my SD a few times, I think. But the issues I lost it on were things I would have raged about with any kids, so I will not attribute those to being a "step" issue. I am pretty good about recognizing normal child behaviors, and things she is doing because of the situation.

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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

I've yelled at Tortoise a few times. I'm not going to lie.
I've only ever laid a hand on him once though.
We were at the beach. We'd had a long day and FH and I were both dead tired and we wanted to hit two places on the boardwalk before we went back to the condo to go to sleep.
Tortoise insisted on riding the pier rides, so FH spent like 30 bucks on ride credits and Tortoise only used like 6 credits. Then as FH and I were walking towards one of the places we wanted to go, Tortoise started whinning that he wanted to play on the ship playground on the beach. Both FH and I told him that it was late and we wanted to go to one store and go back to the condo and that if he wanted to go on anymore rides before we left the boardwalk, he'd have to skip the playground. Well, Tortoise got real quiet and sulky (he'd been sulky, pouty, nasty and mean ever since we had gotten to the beach. Don't know why. But he was just an ass ever since we arrived). Well, we got to the store we wanted to go to, got what we wanted and started back down the boardwalk. FH said to Tortoise, one more ride and that's it. Jbee and I are tired, its late and we want to go back and go to sleep. Well Tortoise threw a screaming hobo fit right in the middle of the OC Boardwalk (BBB, you know how crowded that place is in the middle of August...) well, FH grabs Tortoise up by the scruff and tells him to knock that shit off or we're leaving. FH isn't having that throwing a fit BS. Well, just as soon as FH lets go of Tortoise and starts to ask him what one ride he wants to get on before we leave, Tortoise reaches up and grabs FH by the front of the shirt and starts screaming at FH!! I'm walking like 10 feet behind them because, personally, I'm embarassed by Tortoises behavior and I want no parts of it. Well as soon as I see this and then see Tortoise go to hit FH after he lets go of the front of his shirt, I lost it. I made about 5 long strides up to the back of them (they had no idea I was behind them, they thought I was lost in the crowd or somewhere in front of them) as quick as I could with a flat open palm and whacked the shit out of Tortoise's behind. Both FH and Tortoise stopped dead in their tracks and looked at me like WTF?
I just looked at them both and said, "Enough. We're leaving now. Tortoise doesn't hit daddy or run this show. I've had ENOUGH!".
I actually heard one lady who had been sitting on a bench nearby watching the whole fiasco applaud a little. LOL!
I'm not proud of myself. I just lost my temper.
Yeah he cried. And no, I didn't feel bad. FH wasn't mad. He was more in awe.
But, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

SS16 had to have braces last year, once they took him off - they did 9 fillings due to never brushing his teeth, nor his BM making him.

One issue I've had in the past when he comes to our house is he doesn't brush his teeth, shower, let alone wash his hands with soap and water. My DH is constantly getting after him to take a shower and its always a struggle because "Mom says that's what the weekend is for - to relax and not worry about gettin' all pretty - it's a lazy weekend". DH is always lecturing him about good hygiene, but SS always fights it. DH got tired of the arguing so he tells hime once, twice and then usually drops it by getting engrossed in a tv show.

Several months ago, we picked up SS on Friday night - he slept in his clothes he had on. Saturday, we were going somewhere and DH had to tell him to clean up and change his clothes. He did not shower or brush his teeth, but did change his clothes. I just sat back to see how it would play out. Sunday rolled around - no shower, no brushing teeth, no washing hands, woke up in the clothes he had on Saturday.

When we were getting ready to go out of the house on Sunday - DH told him, so he went in and changed his clothes - back to what he wore and slept in on Friday night! DH repeated himself - "you need to brush your teeth, shower . . . " SS got up, went into the kitchen and grabbed an oatmeal cookie, then preceded to get lippy. Before my DH could say anything, I stood up - and in a very stern voice told him to put the cookie down, go get in the shower and brush his damn teeth. He laughed and took another bite of the cookie. I moved quickly into the kitchen, grabbed the cookie from him, said a few choice words - told him I was sick and tired of his grubby paws playing with the baby's toys that the baby puts in his mouth, and really sick and tired of having to fork over money to get fillings because he won't brush his damn teeth. He pretty much was stunned and couldn't believe what I had done, so he just stood there staring at me. I told him "get in the f-ing shower, brush your GD teeth, and don't ever make me have to tell you again, you're 16 - we shouldn't have to tell you to wash your damn self!" He looked at DH and said "Dad. . . ", like Dad - make her stop - my DH said "You heard her, get in the f-ing shower!"

While SS was in the shower that day, my DH actually said he didn't have a problem with how I handled it - he probably should have gotten that way with him a long time ago, but didn't have the heart (guilty daddy). We've only seen him once since that incident, he was clean - his teeth were clean, and we didn't have to tell him at all.

I have totally lost it more than once. I am not proud of it, but I don't regret it either because it made dh realize that if he doesn't address things as they happen, resentment builds until I just can't take anymore. And I realized that DH loves me even when I am at my worst.

Inlaws are still pissed that I let her have it the day of my son's funeral because she wanted to make the day all about Creature and I was on the edge of insanity. They'll never forgive me (I didn't touch her, but I wasn't so nice) and have made that known. In return, I will never forgive them for their insensitivity to what I was going through. that was the day I gave up trying to have any kind of relationship with Creature or the inlaws and my life has been way less stressful since then. Still sad, but way less stressful.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

That's the word I'm searching for, SVS~ TY TY

"RESENTMENT" Thanks.

Kids are kids and eventually the best parent is going to loose their temper over something their child (bio or step) is doing… we all went through it with our own parents. (anyone else in here ever been hit with the infamous flying shoe? My Step dad and I are certified ninjas at side-stepping my mother’s flying work pumps!)

It always makes me feel like the biggest retch in the world when I loose it on the boys… but ultimately I think they learn a lesson, and I always try to learn something myself when it happens. Though I will secretly admit that I love it when those insane “mom-isms” come flying out of your mouth and afterwards you just can’t believe you said it! You know those moments…. When you’re stressed to the limit with just about everything in life and the most ridiculous little thing pushes you into the red and *boom* you’re screaming

“No wonder you’re failing math… you’ve got no socks on your feet!”

And then there’s that mutual moment of *huh?* between you and the child
and then the laughs come… and you realize you’ve become your mother (and you put down the shoe) and she wasn’t quite as crazy as you remember her being.