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I am feeling nothing but Hatred for SS's!!

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Wed, 12/30/2009 - 9:33pm

I just have to look at them , hell even think about them and I become angry,defensive,panicked,and like I want to lash out at them!! I have never felt this way before in my life!!! I just want them gone and to not come back! Perhaps if they went to live with BM permenantly i could learn to tolerate every other weekend, but now just the though that I may have to endure another 6 years of them living with me makes me feel ill!!!This last 6 days without them was awsome !!! the house was peacefull, no one was disrespectful or mouthy or lazy!! mind you the other 4 aren't perfect but they are really good kids! And I said to DH " you are harder on my kids than you are on your 2" He said" Well I don't want these kids to turn out as rotten as my 2 did" Even Dh admits the last week has been hectic and stressful( we just opened our own business)but I could not have handled this week with the boys, the house is soo much more relaxing and I look forward to coming home when I know they will not be there, just maybe ss12 will decide to go live with BM! Oh would't life be grand, but in the mean time how do I stop hating soo much??!! And am I the only one who feels like this!???

Comments

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Thu, 12/31/2009 - 5:44am

Vgill, I'm going to be honest with you here because that's the only way it's going to help in this situation. I may not say it as profoundly as others, but here it goes. You honey are pointing the finger in the wrong direction. You are blaming these kids for all of your hatred, all of your misery, all of your struggles. They may very well be little brats, but what child isn't most of the time (except of course Wickeds perfectson Wink Smile lol

You have every right to feel whatever you feel, and I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling these things either. What I am saying is that in order to change it, it has to come from YOU, not from these kid's behavior. You have to make changes within yourself and stop sitting there waiting for everyone around you to change. THEY are not responsible for your feelings, YOU are.

If you can't get to a place to not harbor such negative feelings and anger in your heart, then maybe it's time to take yourself out of the situation completely.

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Thu, 12/31/2009 - 7:25am

Very well said, Middlemom. Vgill, I understand your feelings about feeling walked on and disrespected, but they will only treat you like that if you allow them to treat you like that. I also understand that you need support from your DH in order to fully change your feelings.

Is there anything positive at all in your relationship with these kids? If not, maybe you should take yourself out of the situation. Do you want your life to be miserable for the next 10 years or so? Think about what you want and make it happen.

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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

sadstep's picture

Submitted by sadstep on Thu, 12/31/2009 - 9:11am

You are not the only one who feels like this. I have struggled with feelings of hatred for dh and ss11 since we moved in together. I'm 46, shouldn't I be more mature I was thinking to myself. Step Talk has helped me out tremendously on a few levels, the most help that I have received is when I read something that a step son had written about his step mom. I realized I wanted a good relationship with ss11 and that a lot of the hatred and anger was comign from me. I needed to disengage from the situation, do some more reading on this site and on the internet in general, and get myself in a happy place, begin to do some things for me and let him handle the skids when they are there. I learned to diffuse myself. ss11 responded immediately to my positive attitude with a positive attitude back. We have much more work to do. I realized my anger and hatred feelings came from dh actions and our relationship issues. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone with these feelings not one bit. True think about what you want at the end of the day.