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emotionally drained!

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Fri, 01/08/2010 - 10:03pm

I just feel so low, like I weigh 1000lbs I can't even function right now. What am I doing to my Bkids? SS12 does nothing in this house, no chores and DH doesn't make him do anything and if DH asks SS12 to do something he just screams at him. now my Bkids made me realize today with innocent comments how everything looks and feels to them. I thought I was doing the right thin making sure my Bkids clean their rooms, put their clothes away,do their homework, help with dishes and cleaning around the house and also give me a hand with the baby(Bkids are 9,7,5,and 8mths). Bd5 asked why they have to do all the work, and wondered if she was bad! and BD9 ask why ss12 doesn't have to do any of the work and how come he gets to go to band and have another youth group to go to and the skiing program too, is it because his he is better than us? and BS7 said no he is just more important!!! What am I doing to these kids, I thought I was being the responsible mom, how wrong am I?

Comments

Constantly_guilty's picture

Submitted by Constantly_guilty on Fri, 01/08/2010 - 10:19pm

Oh Vgill! I am so sorry. My bio kid ask the same thing because of the eggshells we walk on with s/kid. I am so sorry. But I've pretty much decided that my b/kid will understand in time that it was all because I wanted her to be a better person than my s/kid has been raised to be to this point.

StepChicka's picture

Submitted by StepChicka on Sat, 01/09/2010 - 1:01am

It boggles me every time I read something like this. Do these DHs ever comprehend what a BLENDED family is? I really feel for you vgill and your kids. Poor things are pulling at my heart strings.

Have you talked to DH about combining parenting concepts? Does he know how your Bkids feel?

Angel72's picture

Submitted by Angel72 on Sat, 01/09/2010 - 4:18am

I'm soooo sorry to have to read this. That just breaks my heart.
Your dh sounds like he will not understand. I think in time your kids will understand but in the meantime, i think you should endulge your kids only to counter balance all the bs inthe house. Since they do all the housework and help you, give them a reward. ONLY THEM. Andif ss have objection they can takje a flying jump! vgill reward your kids! show them you appreciate what they do. This way they wont feel bad or feel ss are more important. i know taking care of so many kids drains your time but honeslty, set up a reward system foryour kids only. They deserve it!
Example: drop off ss at their cousins house and then take all yoru kids out for icecream as a treat.
Will your dh be pist you excluded ss...yeah, but keep doing it and tell his thick skull that its a treat for doing the housework and helping around the home. Did ss sons do this??? NO then they get nothing!

wicked_stepmother's picture

Submitted by wicked_stepmother on Sat, 01/09/2010 - 7:51am

That is an EXCELLENT idea. Only, if you really want to get the point across, "Hey honey, can you watch ss? We're going out for ice cream and he doesn't want to go." Of course the argument of "yes I want to go" will ensue, just say, "Really, well you didn't do the chores, so I assumed you didn't want the reward." And walk out with b-children. That may be a bit drastic for you, but I have a temper.

Nymh's picture

Submitted by Nymh on Sat, 01/09/2010 - 5:44am

I am so afraid of this happening in our family. SS has no chores when he is at our house. He doesn't even put his dishes in the sink. I was raised to put dishes in the dishwasher when possible, or in the sink if not. He puts them on the counter across the room from the sink. Why? I don't know. BF and I think maybe the sink in his house is always so full that he has to put dishes on the counter. But it's just another thing that we let slide that I would not let my BKids get away with.

I have two baby girls and I will be raising them to have chores and expectations just like I did when I was a kid. I am afraid that they will think that we don't love them as much as we love SS or that they are bad kids because they have to do more around the house. Luckily that will probably be a good 5 or 6 years from now, so maybe SS will be contributing more by that time. Heck, he might be living with us full-time by that time, who knows?

I have no suggestions or advice, only *hugs* because I have no idea how to handle this situation.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*