I Feel like a Prisoner in my Own Home
SO and I were looking forward to having a nice relaxing evening at home without the tyranny of SD. We watched a movie and hung out in bed and fell gently to sleep. SD was supposedly spending the night with friends, which usually means we don't have to see her all night or the following day.
But no! Surprise! We heard her come in the front door around 5 AM. We thought someone had broken into the house, so SO went to see what was going on. There stood SD.
A while back, SD decided she likes sleeping in the guest bedroom instead of her own room. It's either "too hot," or "too cold," for her to sleep in her own room... in reality it's just fine. She just wants to have carte blanche to sleep wherever she wants. It's a territory thing.
Before we knew it she had slipped in the extra room with the intent to spend the remainder of the night there. She was rude when asked to go back to her own bedroom. She says things like, "I feel like a dog," when told she can't do this. Last I checked the dogs each only had one bed.
I am so ready for her to move out. She has no manners and no gratitude for anything. I have to hide things so she doesn't make off with them. Food, towels, jewelry, keys, you name it. She even steals my underwear out of the laundry so she doesn't have to wash hers. Gross, right? Where did she learn to act like this? From BM, who is essentially SD's money slave now. SD has it made: she gets to live where she wants to live and doesn't have to put up with BM, but BM "buys" SD on a regular basis. She gives her money every week because that means SD will actually spend time with her. BM undermines our rules and tells SD she can do whatever she wants, even though SD lives with us. BM is an "angel" now, but when SD lived with her, she bitched about BM constantly. Now she has it made...the best of both worlds.
I want her to get the hell out of here. She's the most spoiled person I've ever met. When she doesn't get what she wants, she throws a fit and screams. The next time she does this, she's out of here. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Last night, I actually prayed to God that SD would move out.
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Yes, who would have thought I
Yes, who would have thought I would ever have to lock every room in my house, hide my dirty laundry and keep my razors and makeup in my own room?
This is exactly how it was at
This is exactly how it was at our home, when we had SD 50/50, and yes, I felt like a prisoner. I had to put locks on our bedroom and bathroom doors. Both door jams ended up broken, because the locks weren't a big enough hint. Had to stand guard over my laundry to make sure she didn't steal my clothes when they were being washed. We even had to keep our doors locked on the weeks she was with BM, because she'd sneak in while we were at work to steal my stuff.
Luckily she quit coming on our week a little over a year ago. She's 18 now and graduated from high school (had to do her entire senior year on home school to catch up). She and her 17 year old boyfriend live with BM. She's not welcome in our home other than Holidays and special occasions (even then I cringe), and never over night.
ThatGirl, we have a lot in
ThatGirl, we have a lot in common.
I had thought that things were getting better... and now I'm pretty sure SD is on drugs again.
One thing I've noticed about people who abuse others is that they know just when to let up so we don't kick them out of our lives. Just when we've had enough... the abuser lets up a little so we get tricked into thinking things aren't so bad. Then they take advantage again.
SS sleeps on the couch all
SS sleeps on the couch all the time. It drives me nuts. I have very few pet peeves..but I was raised that you get up, put pj's on, and brush your teeth. If you don't go to bed for 2 more hours..so be it..but every night, you prepare yourself for bed.(drunken pass out fests not withstanding!) SO..as a mom...kids need pjs and when it's time for bed...they go to their bed! Ss stays on the xbox until he literally passes out. Dh used to post 'cute' pics on FB of his 13yo half on/half off the couch sleeping...or sleeping across two chairs. Um...surely I'm not the only one thinking "do you not have a bed for him?" Honestly, it's a hang up of mine but you know what...it's MY house...not ss's. So in my house, you sleep in your damn bed!! This is not his house..not his flop house..and I hope he's never "that" comfortable here because I don't want him to want to live with me when he's over 18. Same with my own kids..I want them to CRAVE having their own space and own rules one day...it's a great motivator!!
BTW...you didn't "stay the night somewhere" if you come home at 5am...you basically had a 5am curfew. I would be putting my foot down....on some out of control kids neck! lol
I was the same way as a kid;
I was the same way as a kid; craving and wanting my own space, to move out, to be self reliant and not dependent on my parents for anything. It seems like kids these days just want to leach off of their overindulgent parents for as long as they possibly can. I don't get it.
You're right, "Staying the night somewhere" does not mean coming in at 5. SD wants to have full control of the whole household, curfew included. She freaks out and screams when she doesn't get EXACTLY what she wants. I cannot WAIT until she's gone.
It feels like BM lives here too, because when SD has a problem with our rules, she calls BM who coddles her and then gives us a nasty, threatening phone call. If she wants BM to make the rules, why doesn't she just go live there, where SD rules the roost?
If she is old enough to stay
If she is old enough to stay out till 5am, she is old enough to be shown the door, permanently. Where is your DH/partner in all this?
If I were you, I would be thinking of giving him an ultimatum - its her or me. This is not a life.
I agree with your logic on
I agree with your logic on this. She's old enough to steal and do drugs and have sex, so she should be old enough to suffer the consequences of her actions (i.e., being asked to leave). As the non-bio parent, I feel as though I have access to certain things that don't come so easily to biological parents... like LOGIC and PERSPECTIVE. I feel that I can see SD's parents enabling her in terrible ways...Ways they don't see at all until I point it out.
This has definitely been the most stressful experience of my life. SO is fed up with SD as well. SD recently turned 18, so we can legally kick her out. At this point I'm thinking she may actually move out on her own; she's made noise like that might happen... but it could just be talk to get a reaction from SO. Her leaving of her own will would be the best case scenario for SO and me for a lot of reasons. It's also a tough time to just kick her out because Christmas is in a few days and we've already got enough drama.
So, I feel as though I'm between a rock and a wall.
I will think long and hard about the ultimatum, though it's tough to think about. Thanks, Kes.