I hate her I really do. I see her and my blood boils. The hell that she has put SO and myself through. Going through custody now its terrible. She is such a shitty mother, always dropping her kids off to her mothers, where skids are allowed to do whatever they want (eat chocolate for breakfast, watch TV all day etc etc etc). How much are SO and I supposed to take. Its really exhausting to deal with all of her bullshit. The stunts she pulls are unreal. Just when you think she has done the worst that she can do she pulls another jaw dropping stunt.

It makes me sick that my SO not only married her, but had sex with her for years, and had two effing kids with her. Sometimes i cant even make love to SO because it makes me sick. Sometimes i look at skids and just think "BM" and it disgusts me.

I hate constantly being second. I know how immature this is but i hate that SO has been married before. It makes me feel like if we get married our wedding will always be compared or not mean as much because he has done it before.

Sorry I really just needed to let it out somehow.
I dont even know if these feelings are normal are not. I love my SO but BM is ruining his life and in turn ruining my life. Finances alone then emotional pain of not being allowed to see kids and stress of court and lawyers. I dont know how much more i can handle i really dont!