My DH was adopted at birth, and was able to meet his birth family when he turned 18. He has two sisters (one biological, one adopted). Bio sister is an elementary school teacher, lives ten minutes away from us and has disengaged from SD. Adoptive sis lives across the country and is here for Christmas.

DH was mad at me for telling Dr. Evil SD should have a counselor a couple weeks ago. I told him I shouldn't have gone behind his back, however I thought she would listen to me. DH said under no circumstances should I ever try to co-parent with her, because she will twist the situation and blame us. He said that she will claim in court "Toastergirl tries to insert herself into medical decisions." I looked at him like he was crazy. Who gives a fuck what hex says in court, because her response to my text saying ,"SD told me you are looking into getting her a counselor! I think that's a great idea, she could really benefit from having someone to talk to!" was, "DH never pays medical bills and will never agree to counseling! He is impossible."

So yes. I was wrong to do that. However DH had made no attempt to try and get SD a counselor so I went the only avenue I could. DH was furious. I'm not doing it again: I learned my lesson. Neither will co parent or attempt to. DH's sister heard this argument and tore my DH a new one.

She then gave an earful to DH about the custody battle and the following comments were made:

"Both you and Dr. Evil are ridiculous. You are both too afraid of each other and being dragged to court to co-parent SD. You are both failing SD."
"SD needs a counselor. Toastergirl has been telling you every week for the past year she needs one. If you are incapable of getting SD a counselor in a year, you cannot and should not be the sole custodian."
"Toastergirl made a decision to get involved because you aren't man enough to reach out to Dr Evil yourself. If you actually tried to co-parent or communicate with Dr. Evil, Toastergirl wouldn't have done what she did. You want Toastergirl to parent your child, but you don't want her to get your child help? That's BS."
"Quit making excuses. You spent too many years procrastinating and making excuses. If you are 'too busy' with the house, being in the reserves, busy with friends and work then you will lose this battle. Dr. Evil is not busy. She has her job and SD. That's it. She makes SD her priority. You don't."
"Quit putting Toastergirl in the hot seat. She should NOT be keeping SDs secrets, and she should not be worried sick over SD. SD is your responsibility. Man up."
"You are not just a part time dad. Make the best of the time you have with SD, get her a counselor and in 9yrs when she is an adult you can explain your side of the story, all you did to get more time, etc. SD will understand. Let Dr. Evil plot against you with her lawyer. Let her waste the money and be poisonous. SD will someday see that you never the bad guy."
"You two need counseling."
"You sound ridiculous whenever you go off on tangents. You need to at least admit Dr. Evil does SOME good at parenting SD. SD had perfect grades up until this school year, and that wouldn't have happened if you were sole custodian."

So essentially everything I've been saying since the beginning of time. The only thing I didn't agree with was she said we shouldn't have any more kids because SD doesn't like DD, and SD is already emotionally damaged already. We should be thinking of how more kids would effect SD.
Yeah, no. I'm not living my life or making decisions going off of an 8yr olds feelings. If DH and I want more kids then that's between me and him. However he needs to figure out what path he is going regarding this custody battle. If he keeps litigating and we cannot solve our blended family issues, then there won't be more kids. I cannot bring another child into this mess.

DH isn't mad at me anymore, and I'm pretty sure he disregarded all of his sisters comments. These are the same exact comments his bio sister made before she disengaged (but it has more to do with how DH parents SD) and the same comments I have made. Why is my DH deaf to true comments? He is insistent on "proving" to hex that he deserves more time with SD and he is a good father. He is hell bent on beating her. Sadly, The only person DH needs to prove he is a good dad to is SD :/

I'm disengaging from this battle. He wants to fight? Go for it. Won't be with my money and I'm done documenting. I've BEEn documenting the past year. He hasn't written a single thing.