Active Warrants, Bratty SD, Crappy Husband... I am over it!
So the BM got a bench warrant last thursday, she already had a contempt of court charge for being 3k behind in CS... she now has a FTA and Non Support charge out against her, 3 in total... She never showed up and messaged me Friday asking if she was getting the kids like she had no idea (which she does) she never messages to check on anything unless she needs or wants something...
anywho... my marriage has been on the rocks for some time now DH can't keep to himself... its always someone else getting his attention whether its other women or my oldest SD 12. There are 4 kids in total the 2 SD's and our 2... When I am correcting or disciplining the other 3 nothing is said... but as soon as I go to correct the Baby... "12" its all over with... I get chewed out right in front of her and then the brat proceeds to throw a fit cry and make him feel even more sorry for her to get her way... I was getting them ready for church this morning... and I lost my s**t I told her and him both she doesn't rule my household and if they wanted to be this way towards me him and her both could LEAVE. I have put up with and gave up so much these last 7 years I am tired of being walked on and a doormat. I do it all on my own... DH literally puts in his time at work.. comes home and flops that is IT!!!
I am in therapy twice a month, its not enough... I feel like im about to explode at any given moment but this has me in complete overdrive and total disgust. I am in constant flight/fight mode and so irritable
I havent spoke to the SD or DH since this morning..
Anyone else out there dealing with anything similar or have any words of wisdom for me this afternoon?
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Comments
Good for you for ripping them
Good for you for ripping them both a new asshole.
Keep it up.
Get an attorney, nail down immediate temporary custody, an emergency support order for your LOs, get DH and his failed family progeny out of your home.
Engage your Church leadership regarding STBXH's philandering, etc.... and use every legal, financial, and social tool at your disposal to protect yourself and your own children. See how this dipshit likes his ass hanging out for his community, friends, and family to see.
I am sorry you have this shit storm to deal with.
No quarter, zero tolerance, and take no prisoners.
I had an adulterous spouse in my first marriage. That gutted me. It took me years to rediscover who I liked being, to trust others enough to start dating quality people instead of people that there was zero chance of having a long term relationship with. I did the work, mitigated the toxicity my XW perpetrated. My incredible bride and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary this summer.
Do not sacrifice yourself and your own children on the alter of Sparental martyrdom to this toxic cheat and his failed family baggage.
Take care of you and your kids.
Get on with living your best life with this unworthy individual and his baggage fading in your rear view mirror.
Two things jumped out at me from your post.
Two things jumped out at me from your post. First, when you say "other women" - is DH being unfaithful in some way?
And a hill to die on is his getting mad at you for discipling SD in front of SD. That should never, ever happen.
It sounds like it is time for a serious "come to Jesus" - either he changes his ways, or you are moving on.
I agree with everything Rags
I agree with everything Rags said.
You poor thing!
You poor thing!
I truly hope that your twice a week therapy sessions are providing you with the resolve to remove yourself from an intolerable situation. Bad enough, that your husband 'flops on the couch' after work, leaving you to look after 4 kids, 2 of whom are not your biological children! Worse still, he undermines you in front of his oldest, when she is being corrected, and the cherry on this unpalatable cake is the fact that he’s cheating on you?! ‘Walked on like a doormat’ pretty much describes the way that you are being treated and it’s utterly unacceptable.
The fact that you’ve been able to put up with this insanity for 7 years is a mystery to me as I’d have jettisoned that asshat out the door on the toe of my bitch boot looooong ago. No damned wonder your marriage is on the rocks; your husband is virtually a parody of a narcissistic, selfish lout. I’ve never met the guy but I’d pay money to squash him with an iron flyswatter.
Clearly, you no longer love the man. Time to talk with your therapist about the most efficient way to lawyer up, oust him and his 2 older daughters, file for child support and start living a decent life. I doubt that he’ll be spending much time on that couch when he’s forced to cook, clean, provide childcare and perform all of the other numerous tasks that he exacted from you.
I’ve bailed out of 2 horrible marriages and although it wasn’t easy at first, I went on to live a happy, fulfilled life with my 3 children, eventually marrying a simply wonderful guy.
Life is far too short, Hon, to waste it on a man who is sucking the joy out of your life. You should also consider the damage it does to your children, watching their mother being treated so unjustly. Children need a better example in order to make sensible choices in their own adulthoods.
Good that you came here to vent
People must vent. Another good mind game is making an EXIT plan . Start a secret list some where. iPhone so it's in the cloud, bank account..banks. Account numbers. Stocks and bonds numbers. IRA's. Accounts numbers. House deed. Car's information.
Check on SO work information. Benefits he gets, gets after he retires. Check this years income tax information. Don't just sign it, make copy's.
Make a appointment with a good lawer. Spend a couple $100. Bring all this information to the lawer to get a picture where you stand. What your 1/2. What CS you will be getting. Things to be out in the divorce decree. Visatation of children. Who pays for college. Then at least you know where you stand. I am sure DH is ok with his life working and flopping into a chair.