She just annoys me. When she was young, she could get annoying, but this is another world. This is a horrible analogy but here goes. When you are at a friends house, and their dog comes up to you and you pet it. Then it won't leave you alone, you are done petting, most dogs would have been good, but this dog won't quit. Then you're annoyed and don't want to pet it anymore. You just want it to go away. You would give her attention, show her affection, but it was never enough. She would just go and drain you. Until you were annoyed. I mean, I can be as affectionate as the next person, but really. I don't know if anyone understands but like one hug,ok, two hugs, ok, fifteen hugs.... getting annoyed, fifty hugs...FO. It was and continues to be draining. Now it is, her:'Do you remember.....(long story that may or may not be humerous)?' Me: 'haha, yeah that was fun/funny/(whatever appropriate comment). Her:'Do you remember... To the point of me: Yes, I remember, I was there, there is nothing wrong with my memory, or my brain.

LOL on the book. I feel horrible, but in the car she will start the endless crap and I just turn up the radio and start signing. Real mature on my part I know.

I guess I thought when she got older, and was more secure in our relationship, that draining need would abate. Instead it has just changed form. AND a lot of this worries me because I don't want my son affected/learning it. He already has learned about sneaking food and lying from her. I also for her sake wish she would learn how to relate SOMEWHAT normally to people for her own sake. I mean, I only have five more years on this sentence. I would like to think that she took something from this all.

He is awesome. He is a bright happy positive person who is full of life energy and fun. He has a chore chart on the fridge that he actually enjoys filling out and gets a sense of accomplishment from. If I begin cleaning, he wants to help (he is 5 so it is part of his age), and will be hurt if you don't let him. She will sit there like a bump on a log and let you clean around her. I had started my own business when he was about two. I liked him so much (yeah, I know it sounds odd, but he was a funny little person who was nice to be around) that I did not send him to pk3, I took him with me. As a consequence, he was around adults a lot, and knows how to speak to adults and conduct himself. When I enrolled him in pk4, I missed him. He knows about as much about what I do as the 12 yo. And he is smart enough to actually get on her about it. I feel bad at times about that too. Like I am raising them totally seperate. But they are so different. His approach to the world is so similar to mine. She has said I like him better. And I guess I do, if they were not related to me, I would be friend with him. Not her. This is not a new thing. When my H and I hooked up, both of his children lived with us. And even back then, I liked her brother, my ss, and her personality annoyed me. She lies, sneaks, steals. Basically I am not super religious, but even if you were to look at the ten commandments, she only has a few of them still intact. Meaning, the stuff I am asking/expecting of her is not super weird, or abnormal.

I mean, ideally since she has two living parents, why am I even doing this. She is a negative force on the house, my life, my son, her father... And yet I still feel bad for her at times. She is tall. Considerably taller than her contemporaries and I understand that is hard, and makes her stand out. So why does she do this other stuff with her appearance. She is pretty as well. Hard to tell thru the hair hanging in her face, the crud around her mouth, and the beautiful expression she perpertually has... I don't know. My husband was born poor, dirt poor. He had to work since a very young age, and literally had to quit school to work (in the 9th grade). He is not well educated, but not stupid. One of the things that always attracted me to him was his work ethic. A twelve hour day, in the texas sun. No big deal. Nothing to be mad or pissy or negative about. Just something you have to do. Yeah, if he had had an education could he have had an easier life. Sure but no point dwelling on it. So, that attitude produces a child who will hide (literally hide)_ in the doghouse to avoid being told to help with something. His life has bettered since we married. And he realizes this, and is sort of appreciative. She acts like the benefits of living with me are something she is entitled to, not something to be grateful for. Had I not hired the lawyer and she was still with her mother she would likely be living in whatever living room her mother found for them at the moment. With her mother they moved on average every three months. Now that she is here she has been in the same house, same school for six years. She has age appropriate, decent clothing, braces on her teeth, healthcare, regular hot meals, uninterrupted electricity, exposure to all kinds of things. And all I have is the misery and expense of some rude, dirty unappreciative smart ass. Oh, lets not forget. Two and a half years ago, my husband was doing some side work for me (great, a little guilt here), and permanently damaged his back which has led to another slew of issues, but my point being that I am now supporting all of us. Which you know, fine, life happens, but you combine it all, and what you get is me being a little immature and a little resentful.

I guess where I am going with this is I am willing to try to understand and empathize with her. But she doesn't make it easy. When she was young and still with her mom, she would come stay with us on weekends. (Point that will come up:I was born and raised on the TExas/mexico border which is a pretty poor economy.) She gave me lice. Not her fault, she was a kid, whatever. About this time, her mom was flaking off and on and she was staying with us more on than off. I treat her, the house, her brother, me, blah, blah. She comes back. new lice infestation. I eradicate. I send her home with appropriate shampoo, sprays, etc, to avoid reinfestation of her/her stuff. She comes back, the lice come with. I treat.... Oh wait, this is where it gets good. They are not dying. What is the deal. I go buy more stuff, still no result, try another brand. Finally I call the texas lice hotline (who knew such a thing existed?). Apparantly she has some mutant form of lice that are super lice and are immune to the treatments. Her dumbass of a mother used the shampoo wrong, and rather than kill them, just made them sick enough or whatever to be stronger and be able to resist traditional shampoos. I shit you not. I NEVER had lice in my life but this kid gives them to me repeatedly. So, on the internet I go. My old school husband calls his sister. I shave he and his son's head, treat her and my head with kerosine then olive oil and bagged for 8 hours. Lice dead. I refuse to let her get reinfested. she goes back to her mother one more time. I have one more wonderful go round of lice treatment. Time passes. Things change, We get custody, We get married We move into my house. She comes home from school with lice (5th grade). I treat all of us. 6th grade-repeat... summer before 7th grade-repeat. But here it gets even cuter. There is a little bitty comb that one must use to rake all the lice eggs out, the shampoo like kills the live ones, but the eggs will still hatch so they have to be combed out. I just shave my husband and sons head. I treat myself, and comb for hours. She wont comb out her hair. I mean, just sits there and half assed combs randomly. She is eleven and too old for me to do this for her I feel. I tell her this. I also tell her she can comb it or I will hack her hair off but I am damn sure not combing her hair. She won't do it. I cut all her hair about an inch long. she is mad and bawls. I inform her that next time all I will do is shave her head. She knows the kids down the street always have lice, she knows to stay away from them, and it is like she is going and rubbing her head against theirs. So then, her hair starts to grow out. I tell her, it is your hair, I don't care, I will get it cut any way you want, y ou just need to take care of it and keep it out of your face. Too much work, we continue cutting it short. I buy her a ten dollar magazine full of hairstyles. She is too lazy to pick one out. She finally does. The magazine acidentally gets closed. She is too lazy to look and find the picture again. This goes on, I ignore her. She bears a strong resemblence to cousin it. There is a dance at her school. She picks out a hairstyle. I take her and pay. Looks cute. Little mouse, little scrunch, looks good. I show her repeatedly how to fix it. Instead we are doing the fly in the syrup barrell look. In public I am embarrassed thinking that people think she is mine. That they may think I never showed her how to dress/do her hair/or won't help her. My head itches just telling this story. AAARRGH

I guess where I am going with this is I am willing to try to understand and empathize with her. But she doesn't make it easy. When she was young and still with her mom, she would come stay with us on weekends. (Point that will come up:I was born and raised on the TExas/mexico border which is a pretty poor economy.) She gave me lice. Not her fault, she was a kid, whatever. About this time, her mom was flaking off and on and she was staying with us more on than off. I treat her, the house, her brother, me, blah, blah. She comes back. new lice infestation. I eradicate. I send her home with appropriate shampoo, sprays, etc, to avoid reinfestation of her/her stuff. She comes back, the lice come with. I treat.... Oh wait, this is where it gets good. They are not dying. What is the deal. I go buy more stuff, still no result, try another brand. Finally I call the texas lice hotline (who knew such a thing existed?). Apparantly she has some mutant form of lice that are super lice and are immune to the treatments. Her dumbass of a mother used the shampoo wrong, and rather than kill them, just made them sick enough or whatever to be stronger and be able to resist traditional shampoos. I shit you not. I NEVER had lice in my life but this kid gives them to me repeatedly. So, on the internet I go. My old school husband calls his sister. I shave he and his son's head, treat her and my head with kerosine then olive oil and bagged for 8 hours. Lice dead. I refuse to let her get reinfested. she goes back to her mother one more time. I have one more wonderful go round of lice treatment. Time passes. Things change, We get custody, We get married We move into my house. She comes home from school with lice (5th grade). I treat all of us. 6th grade-repeat... summer before 7th grade-repeat. But here it gets even cuter. There is a little bitty comb that one must use to rake all the lice eggs out, the shampoo like kills the live ones, but the eggs will still hatch so they have to be combed out. I just shave my husband and sons head. I treat myself, and comb for hours. She wont comb out her hair. I mean, just sits there and half assed combs randomly. She is eleven and too old for me to do this for her I feel. I tell her this. I also tell her she can comb it or I will hack her hair off but I am damn sure not combing her hair. She won't do it. I cut all her hair about an inch long. she is mad and bawls. I inform her that next time all I will do is shave her head. She knows the kids down the street always have lice, she knows to stay away from them, and it is like she is going and rubbing her head against theirs. So then, her hair starts to grow out. I tell her, it is your hair, I don't care, I will get it cut any way you want, y ou just need to take care of it and keep it out of your face. Too much work, we continue cutting it short. I buy her a ten dollar magazine full of hairstyles. She is too lazy to pick one out. She finally does. The magazine acidentally gets closed. She is too lazy to look and find the picture again. This goes on, I ignore her. She bears a strong resemblence to cousin it. There is a dance at her school. She picks out a hairstyle. I take her and pay. Looks cute. Little mouse, little scrunch, looks good. I show her repeatedly how to fix it. Instead we are doing the fly in the syrup barrell look. In public I am embarrassed thinking that people think she is mine. That they may think I never showed her how to dress/do her hair/or won't help her. My head itches just telling this story. AAARRGH

That is a good idea on the clothes. I mean I felt bad for her at the beginning of the weight gain thing (I didn't know a lot of the stuff I know now), so I tried to get her cool stuff that kind of hid her weight, you know to make her less self conscious. So I thought. I guess I should have just shot for the elastic band then because we have no problem with length, it is waist.
The hygiene thing is just one more thing on the roller coaster that is her. When we would get her from her mom she was always nasty and reeked of sour milk. I can remember hugging her and gagging over the rank odor. When we were living in another town, we would pick her up for the visits and go over to a friends house first thing so I could shower her. Her smell was appalling. For years it wasnt a thing. We had a routine, and she was good about it. It is lately her hygiene has slid. Kind of since the weight. BUT jeez. I had tried to give her some responsiblity/freedom on the showers and other stuff but you are right. Maybe it would just be best to have it be at a set time. No exceptions: tv show, phone call, friend over... Because, it is not me being super picky. When a man is embarrased by her appearance.... come on. Even worse is I love bath and body works stuff, cant always afford it but.... AND any chance she gets she will slip into my bathroom and use the stuff. Funk covered by flowers is not a pleasant smell. and I have bought her her own. It is like one more thing at me.