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If I Knew Then What I Know Now...

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 9:31am

I wouldn't have married a man with children. That is for certain. And I most definitely would not have planned to bring another child into this dysfunctional family. I would have insisted that he bring them around more often before we decided to get married so I could really see what I was getting myself into. But there's no turning back now.

This weekend is supposed to be the Lunatic's weekend with her children. But of course she might lose out on those hefty weekend tips at the strip club so there goes that. Which means my husband will be driving the 1.5 hours to her parents' home to pick up the SDs for the weekend. I know once I have this baby (3 more weeks!) that we will never have weekends alone again, but there is something to be said about planning a weekend and then when the grandparents decide they don't want them after all my husband jumps at the chance to go get them. He says it is his responsibility since he is their father and they shouldn't be responsible for them because they are just their grandchildren.

While I agree with this, I don't agree with the fact that they lied and covered for the Lunatic for months and then took custody of SD10 and enrolled her in school with them behind our backs. In my opinion, by enabling their trainwreck of a daughter for so long, yes, they did accept responsibility for the SDs. They can't have it both ways. They can't cover for their daughter, witness horrendous things and not call CPS, take his children behind his back and then expect us to come running when they call. But of course they know he will.

Comments

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 9:48am

Actually, it is BMs responsibility to make sure her children have appropriate care during her custodial time. If that means her parents are on the hook while she works then so be it. BM tried this with us. She worked nights and expected us to babysit (and still pay her cs). We did it for awhile but it messed up every single weekend so I refused to do it anymore. You wouldn't believe the argument about her having to have her elderly parents drive 2 hours every other weekend to watch her kid. Um, not our problem, when we need a sitter, we find one.

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 11:37am

If I knew then what I know now here are the changes I would have made:

1. I wouldn't have moved in with DH - I would have kept us in 2 places much longer.
- I miss having my time with just my girls a lot these days
2. I would have left DH to push BM on his own to exercise his parenting time.
- All that extra time he nailed down with my help somehow is my time with his kids

Those really are the only 2 things I would change. I love DH, I love him in my life. Staying in my own place would have given me the break from the skids and alone time with my girls I miss.

imjustthemaid's picture

Submitted by imjustthemaid on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 2:21pm

If I knew then what I know now I:

1. Never would have quit my job
2. Never would have taken on the role of SD's primary caretaker
3. Never would have quit my job
4. Never would have quit my job

Yeah I guess my biggest mistake was becoming a SAHM. I should have just stayed working and I would probably be in a better place mentally right now.

cant win for losin's picture

Submitted by cant win for losin on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 7:54pm

If i knew then what I know now....

1. He would've never moved in. We would've continued the long distance relationship.

2. He would've never moved in.

3. Did i mention he would've never moved in?

Kate2007's picture

Submitted by Kate2007 on Fri, 04/20/2012 - 8:19pm

I wish I had paid attention to how draining BM really was on me and how DH didn't stand up to her. I wish my friends who were SM or BM were more open about their situations - it gave me what now seems like false hope.