Vacations and the Step Kids
After reading a post about Spring Break. It got me thinking......I'm going to take a one day holiday with SO, his kids and my daughter in April. Since were doing this I know this is going to be an indicator to BM that were making more money(even though thats not true) and hence she'll want more CS.
I feel bad for even saying this, but in regards to the Skids, in terms of presents, holidays, vacations...does it make you not want to spend too much money on them because the BM is money oriented?
I feel like a piece for thinking this. But I can't help it. I actually like them, I'd like to do more and continue what Im doing. I just hate how the BM is with money. If her CS support is not in her account that morning, SO gets a phone call.
Im a BM and I do not act like this with my ex at all.
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It is none of her concern
It is none of her concern what you do in your home.
True.
True.
I might have to save that
I might have to save that one!
I know what you mean.
I know what you mean. Whenever we made a purchase or did something significant, we were almost guaranteed to be getting court papers from BM shortly thereafter.
After we got married.
After we bought a house.
After I bought a nicer (but still used) car....
etc, etc, etc.
It IS none of her concern but the greedy ones MAKE it their concern.
Our BM's sound the same..My
Our BM's sound the same..My BMs parents are very wealthy. So I think thats where her sense of entitlement comes from. Ive noticed since I came in the picture,she wanted to make sure she got paid first,if that makes sense.
Funny thing, she never drives her kids over to see us, I was doing the driving before and she never once offered because I'd do it. I stopped that,after she wanted gas money (We never gave it to her). She claimed that her vehicle was broken, christmas time rolls around guess, who has a new jeep? BM. Does she help with pick up/drop offs? Nope. So we just see them once a month. It sucks, but if she doesnt want to h elp. Neither do i.
I totally understand! BM
I totally understand! BM tells the kids and the courts that their dad is just trying to "show off" or "buy their love" with his flashy cars, clothes, and vacations. (Her Words :O )
BM doesn't work, and Dad works HARD. We know everything is gotten back to her either by her questioning the kids, or just in conversation about our lifestyle. I won't change my life because "dead beat" doesn't wish to enhance hers by WORKING! She actually told the court, when the state took her for non payment of CS, that she wasn't going to work, and pay child support to pay for his car. (Really she said that we have the transcripts) Please, we lived 3 years with out her CS like we needed her $150.00 a month anyways!
Life is about choices, don't let BM dictate, or make you feel guilty by providing the best you can to your kids!
Thanks. Honestly how did
Thanks. Honestly how did these guys get with these women?
Like I dont get it sometimes. The greed.
Also, its nice to know that your Husband actually cares about his kids, ive seen a lot of parents post divorce,who just dont give a shit. Even if the mom or dad is cracked out, they dont care. Usually its the grand parents that step in thank god!
Lucky for us, BM thought
Lucky for us, BM thought everything we had was due to me and my money.
The one time she put in for a CS modification, hubby had just been laid off so it did not go through. She didn't know he had been laid off because we purposely did not tell her or SD ANYTHING about our lives, for that very reason.
SD is now 21 and I am glad to be done with all that stupid crap. It sucks to feel like you have to hold back in any aspect of your life.
Wow. I gave this advice to
Wow. I gave this advice to someone a couple of days ago on Steptalk. Make BM think its your money not your SO's. BM and SO have been divorced for almost 13 years. At one point he was making really good money like $15,000 cheques every 2 weeks, while they were married. Hasnt been like that since then lol. So she still thinks he makes that(its evident its not like that anymore),even in the pre-CO, her lawyer said to him, that he has the potential to make that money so thats what child support will be based on. It didnt go thru lol.
I feel for you, but at least its over.
Im in Canada so CS goes untill their 21. YAY!
Know what you mean on this.
Know what you mean on this. DH desires to take SD on vacays. I do not. We did once and it wasnt a total diaster, but he did whine and complain that we were at the beach and he was stuck in the hotel room with his 2yr old when he could be crusing the strip. Guess who stayed in the hotel with her while he cruised the strip??
If SD doesnt get 2X the vacays I dont care, if she needs to see the beach her own mom can take her. Im not going out of the way and spending more money to take her places!
We already hear about how BM doesnt have money for this or cant afford that. Get a real job!
Wow. So you brought SS and
Wow. So you brought SS and his 2 yr old daughter? How brave of you. Sounds a lot like my daughters father, unfortunantley.
Thats what I say to my SO too, their mom can take them. Its unfortunate, she says she doesnt have money but yet will be inheriting about 1 million, from her parents.
I find the wealthy are always crying the blues.
I have been married to my dh
I have been married to my dh for 9 years and we have never taken a vacation with ss, nor do I ever plan to do so. We don't have the money to spend. His bm has taken him on vacations so that will have to do.
Theres nothing wrong with
Theres nothing wrong with this. Most skids dont go on vacation with their NCP anyways. I'll say its a privilege not a right. Just my own observation. Sometimes you have to be upfront with someone and tell them what you will tolerate and what you won't tolerate. Wish I could do that. But me and SO were friends before this happened lol.
We take two vacations a year.
We take two vacations a year. One vacation is just DH and I, and we try to go someplace "exotic" for a week. The other vacation -- summer -- is us and the kids (his and mine). His kids are getting older, so I'm guessing we're nearing the end of taking them on vacation with us.
I know it riles up the BM when we go on "our" vacation. My DH never went anywhere before he met me, and now we go someplace every year. When BM and DH were married, she elected not to work so money was tight and they couldn't afford to go anywhere. Now the BM is remarried, STILL elects not to work (too difficult with school-aged kids... they're almost out of high school FFS) and her now-DH doesn't believe in going on vacation or spending money.
There have been a couple of times BM has scheduled to take the SK's someplace for vacation (local) and make sure it overlaps my DH's vacation (basically the same week every single year) but we quickly learned it's all blow -- usually about 5 days before their scheduled vacation she comes up with some hooey and cancels it.
But she really gets out of hand right before we go on our adult vacation. This year it was because her CS was 2 days late, she actually demanded that my DH could not leave the country until this was taken care of and she had her money (it was a CSE glitch, my DH is ALWAYS on time paying).
Thats a good idea,t aking a
Thats a good idea,t aking a vacation, just the 2 of you, then taking one as a family. Thats what I have been trying to strive for as well. I dont mind the skids, but like your BM, our BM is the same way. She doesnt try to ruin things deliberately,as yours, she is diagnosed with Bi polar. As my SO once described it to me it was like a "Bag of Bits N' Bites you never know what your going to get." But she still is a gold digger. I think she knows that her behaviour is wrong,b ut then corrects it by calling SO and apologizing.
I would like for DH and I to
I would like for DH and I to take the kids on trips, but we can't because he pays BM so much for child support and alimony that he has nothing left over after basic living expenses (rent, utilities, car payment, groceries).
Good for you that you'd like
Good for you that you'd like to do that. Thats awesome that you would want too. I dont mind it either,ive spent a night at a hotel with them too. SS gets a little jealous of my daughter even though shes 4 and he's 13, not related. But oh well, a few days I can deal with it, a week with them. Bring on the Vodka,no maybe heroin LOL! Just jokeing.
I always try to keep skids
I always try to keep skids from knowing about anything we've bought or done because BM will see it as "Oh, they have extra money, that should be mine!" I've even lied my ass off when asked where the new (whatever) came from and said things like, "Oh, my boss got a new one and gave me that" or "Oh, I found it at a garage sale!"
My SD once asked how much our
My SD once asked how much our house cost. Yeah, because that's your business. She was too young to even begin to know anything about the prices of houses so, I wonder where that came from? Hmmmm.
Haha, Exactly! yep I would
Haha, Exactly! yep I would think like that too. When we first moved in with eachother, SO had BM(at the time they got a long)come in the house,(I deliberately disengaged myself) f rom her and me and DD went out to eat. I knew that BM wanted to see what kind of stuff we had just so she could evaluate,what assets we have and perhaps prompt her into thinking,we have more than w e actually do.
I threatned him that if she came in the house again that I''d invite my ex and themother of his second child over for tea and crumpets. And he knows me and my ex, hate each other LOL.
No their is nothing affair like going on, if their was i'd be outta their,been their done that lol!