I think you have the right to say no.

Here's a life example for you just to give you some perspective...I have my son full time. I do everything for him,DH doesn't have to lift a finger to care for choochoo for ANYTHING. BUT when SD is over...I take care of her the same as I do for choochoo.
Dh has a hockey game to go to on saturday which is a weekend day that we have the kids. i told him that he needs to call Frizz and make sure she can keep SD while he's at the game all day bc SD has to be driven to dance classes and run to a bunch of different activities and I refuse to drag choochoo around like that all day. I don't feel bad about it either. They are the parents...he made a choice to buy tickets to a game when he knew his kid had a bunch of activities she needed transportation to so therefore he needs to make arrangements with her mother just like I do with choochoo and my ex.

I do things for him all the time in regard to SD but this is where I draw the line. You have to have things you're willing to do and then draw the line at things you aren't willing to do. Doesn't make you a bitch...just doesn't make you a doormat either.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

IMO, men tend to have different expectations for women than they do themselves. Because you are a woman, in his mind you automatically want to play mother his children. Of course you would want to parent them on the weekends whether he is there or not. People go into relationships with two often very different sets of expectations of what family life will be like and the two of you have to find somewhere to meet in the middle. Personally, I don't see the point in having your child come to your home if you are not going to be there. Isn't the point of shared custody for the parent to spend time with the child, not to make life more convenient for a BM who needs a break from time to time.

"There comes a time when you have to surrender the idea of what your children could be to the reality of who they are."

You have every right to say no. Now, if he asked once in awhile and was in a pinch or he was working for four hours in the middle of a Saturday and didn't want to give up his weekend (and he was grateful), I don't see the harm in him asking (note I say ASK not EXPECT) you to take care of them, but ultimately it is your choice. You did not choose to his kid. He and BM chose. Let them work it out. I say that knowing I end up with SD more often than I'd like while dh has schedule conflicts, but he always asks, always says thank you, his kid isn't disrespectful to me (because she knows better), it isn't all the time, AND if I said no he wouldn't be upset with me. I still get pissy about it sometimes when I am here and in the middle of something and I have to stop to do something for her and I think "dammit, I am not your mother", but that is my problem for saying yes. Just because someone expects something doesn't mean you have to do it, it just means they have warped expectations and need to be retrained.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I agree a bit with CL. It is a mans position that the woman be motherly to his kids....the SM gets stuck with everything while the SFs don't do anything (usually) becuz the BMs handle it all.

And you do have a right to say no.

This is what my DH thought...thinks lol

When we were dating about 4 months and I hadn't even meet his daughter once BM removed SD from daycare--they called her everday to pick up SD becuz she was so naughty (she was 3 1/2 at the time). So BM calls DH and expects him to find her childcare....

He was on the phone with her when I was in the car so I heard it all. The next day when I was at his apt he asks if I would be willing to watch SD 2 or 3 days a wk! I was like aahhh no...I could not believe what he was asking me. I turned out the BM found another daycare about 1 wk later so he never had to beg me to.

About 6 months later when he moved in with me he would bring SD over for the wknds. He would say "I will be right back" he would leave her with me for HOURS. She was horribly behaved. I was furious.

His explaination...since we live together we are a team and he expets me to treat and watch SD as if she were my own. He shouldn't have to ask or tell me where he is going! Needless to say the don't tell me where he is going thing changed!

It is now 7 yrs later and he still thinks all of the above. And frankly I think all BDs do. Not that it is right, but that seems to be their point of view.

If you feel strongly about the kids not being there when he is not then be sure to stand your ground now or it will go on forever.

No you are not obligated to watch them. If it interupts BMs partying then maybe she shouldnt have had them. I have said many times on here that i dont watch my BF kids when he is not around. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY NO. Dont give in.