Relationships with Skids
So would most of you describe your relationship with your stepkids as good? I am asking because mine sucks. The sad thing is it that the skid and I could have a great relationship but she won't allow it. She is just mean and hurtful simply for the sake of being hurtful. I know that when most people behave like this it is because they are lashing out as a result of their own pain. It is really hard to be sympathetic to that when you are the one on the receiving end of it...ya know?
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I would say that for the
I would say that for the most part it is good. They are still young though, 8 & 11. Don't get me wrong, I've been angry with them and hurt for things they've said or for their behavior, but we do share alot of great moments as well. Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. I do worry if it will change as they become teenagers, when they push for their independence and their own identity.
How old is your SD?
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“Got Boundaries?” ~BitchBitchBarbie~
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My SD is 15. She was 11
My SD is 15. She was 11 when I came into the picture and things never progressed well. She had some very serious issues after the divorce and never talked to anybody about it. It has manifested itself as her taking out all of her anger, pain and agression on BM's husbad and me (BF's wife).
I am supposed to have a
I am supposed to have a relationship with her? Honestly, I can't say that I have one good or bad. It makes me sad because I feel like I have a husband and we're a family, but he has another family that includes Creature. I try to keep them separate for the sake of my sanity and the sake of dh's peace. And Creature could care less that I exist except when dh isn't around and she needs an audience.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Personally, I don't think
Personally, I don't think that we as step parents should "have" to foster any relationship with our skids. I think if our spouses want us to have a relationship then they should do the work to help create one. In my case, my DH never did that. He left it to me to deal with his abusive little brat.
I am fortunate, my dh
I am fortunate, my dh understands. He watched me make an effort over and over again only to be snubbed, so when I threw in the towel, he was okay with it, as long as I agreed to be respectful and understand that he still has a relationship with her. I am glad he has a relationship with her. He disciplines her and he's made it clear to her that her behavior shapes relationships and when she wants something and I have to give permission he lets her know that I can choose to say no based on how she treats me.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Excellent job on your
Excellent job on your husband's part! It took me about 4 years to get my hubby to see this and vocalize it to the skid. I am really impressed with you and your husbands approach to stepparenting. It sounds like you have a very good relationship and you both make the effort to keep peace in your home.
He really is a gem. He
He really is a gem. He knows my limitations and he respects all of it. He only asks a few things of me 1) be civil - I sometimes fail miserably at this because I am so bitter sometimes, 2) get her off the bus when he has to work and can't be home in time (he only asks this when absolutely necessary and never assumes it is ok without asking) and 3) tell him when something is bothering me so he can try to make it better.
We communicate openly about everything. That helps.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
it's posts like this that
it's posts like this that make me think i have a problem.... i would say my relationship with skids is pretty good..... and at the same time, i can't stand them.......
maybe i'm jealous, he has kids with someone else, i don't (have any)..... they disrupt (either them, bm, mil --- because of them i have disruption in my otherwise blissful marriage) my life....
maybe b/c things we can do our limited b/c of his baggage....
maybe b/c every time bm gets dumped or not layed in x amount of time, she raises hell with dh.... 9 yrs divorced (10 yrs apart)ladies & gentlemen and she still thinks it's his fault she can't land a relationship....
maybe b/c mil thinks because they can spell their name they are the most gifted children in the world..
or maybe like has been posted many times on this site, i am supposed to love and admire them as my own and worship the ground they walk on.....
then ther's my income that increases their quality of life that goes unnoticed....
but when all is said & done, they say they love me, me in return... and i have never shared these feelings with them or anyone else.......but can they tell i harbor them --- i don't know?
I gotta tell ya, I feel the
I gotta tell ya, I feel the same way in many respects. For me it is because she disrupts my life. When she shows up it is all conflict and negativity. That has really made it hard for me to want to be around her at all. It sounds like the BM has never been able to move on. The fact that she tramatizes you as her personal hobby when things aren't going her way is ridiculous and DH shouldn't allow it.
If you don't show it, then no, they will never know. But as with me there will come a point when you can't fake it anymore.
I feel like my skids are
I feel like my skids are intruders in my home. We don't talk or interact unless someone wants something. They hide in their room until dh comes home. The way they act, you would think I beat them but I rarely if ever say a peep to them about anything. I make sure their needs are met, chauffeur them around and treat them with respect, although I know I am cool to them. We never have a conversation with each other. I feel like they are two ghosts who float into my home and completely upset the balance, pretend to be invisible and don't contribute anything (but conflict) to the family.
I could give a rats a$$ about having a relationship with them after watching them torture dh. I hate looking at them and knowing they are on an antisocial road to hell, just like their bm. I hate having them here because I have such a great, warm, loving relationship with my own children and feeling nothing but animosity for my skids... which makes me feel like an evil troll.
It is HARD to have a relationship with people, even children, who you don't even like. I'm supposed to feel something for them, but they have made it impossible. They are not well-liked, considered morbidly weird by anyone's standards, selfish and have a total and complete lack of insight into their own behaviors. I just can't even bring myself to try and connect with them anymore, I guess I've given up trying. What can you do though?
I am so sorry. It really
I am so sorry. It really sounds like the BM has done her best to make her kids hate their father. That is terrible. Very common though. You are stuck because you have no idea what has been said or done that has made the kids hate your DH so much. That is just awful, that woman should be ashamed of herself. Hopefully your sd will get through this and really learn to appreciate his father.
Mine are okay. We have a
Mine are okay. We have a relationship that I dont know how to describe. They are respectful and generally okay. They call me by my first name but Im expected to do "motherly" things for them.
Life is what you make it.
I have a great relationship
I have a great relationship with my SDs. They are here tonight and aside from their ADD driving me nuts, they are good, fun, normal kids. Being girls, there is always some kind of drama going on that I'm not used to on a day-to-day basis, but nothing unmanageable ever. The 3 of us girls are partners in crime against DH and have a blast ganging up on him. Sometimes I really think they are closer to me than DH and he often says they come for visitation with me instead of him. I'm very fortunate.
Wicked Step Monster... I'm
Wicked Step Monster... I'm envious. You should change your moniker to Lucky Step Monster. You are obviously doing something very right and you're all very lucky!