Well the big talk happened on Friday. SD15 was pretty honest and open. She said that she has come to realize that she takes out her anger at her parents on the step parents. She said it has become so common for her to do it that she doesn't even realize she is doing it until it happens. She wants to stop but she is so mad with her mother over coming home one day about a year after the divorce and telling SD that she was pregnant and she was getting married.

A little back story on that: SD had never met the man, did not know her mom was dating and all of a sudden she has a sister coming and a stepdad who moved in literally that night. I can imagine how that would scar someone. We talked about how anger is no reason to be disrespectful to those who had nothing to do with it and that the hurtfulness for the sake of hurting someone had to stop. She tried to claim that the things she told my parents and friends were "misunderstood" or taken out of context. So there was some self protection there.

I let her talk and air her feelings. I am a child of divorce, I get it, it hurts. I understand that she feels like both her parents were stolen from her by other people. I did tell her that lying to defame her father and me was not acceptable. And that I knew the only reason that she told lies and things about me to my family was so that it would get back to me and hurt me. She again tried to say it wasn't true until I offered to call both my parents and ask them about it. She backed down then. So I said I had better never hear another story from my friends and family about me. That the lies about her father needed to stop. That my space and things had to be respected and she would treat me with courtesy and respect in my home.

DH is on board with me, so now all we have to do is wait and see what happens.