Skid treats our house like a hotel

Skids are almost 17. DH has told them that he knows they have plans with friends and despite the fact that he wants to see them, he will understand if they choose not to come on weekends. One texted on Friday and said he was working both days (it's a 20-30 minute drive each way), so wouldn't be coming. DH told him that was okay.

The other one shows up at 10pm and upon walking in the door asks to do laundry. This one is not allowed in my laundry room because he once ran a full load with one sock in it (not an exaggeration) and he once jammed the washer door so hard we had to have someone come out and fix the machine. He also had only two items of clothing he wanted to wash, so not a "load of laundry" like he claimed. DH, of course, pulls some of his dirty clothes and rushes in to do a load of laundry for SS. SS then goes to his room and doesn't say anything to DH. Next morning, DH brings SS breakfast in his room. SS then takes a shower and throws his damp towel on a pile of clean clothing in our laundry room (another thing he always does whenever he takes a shower at our home. I think he does it on purpose, DH thinks he's just careless). Then he leaves without saying anything to DH. He comes back a few hours later when we are out. Goes inside briefly and then leaves again. DH asks him when he will be back. He says he doesn't know. Texts DH at midnight saying he's staying at BM's but will come back in the morning. Arrives this morning and stays just long enough to grab the trash bag of clothing he brought with him on Friday. Leaves again. Leaves the dirty breakfast dish (that he has now walked by 4-5 times) in his room. What is the purpose of this visit? To check the box? To give BM a "break"? Some other unknown reason. He barely talks to DH when he comes (and doesn't reply when DH contacts him outside of visits) and doesn't interact at all with DD, so why bother?

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He's allowed to decide

He's allowed to decide whether and when he comes over or not, he gets his laundry done (because isn't allowed to do his own laundry) and gets breakfast served in bed (is he prohibited from cooking his own meals too?).

From my perspective, he acts like a hotel guest because he gets treated as such.

Yes, DH makes it way too

Yes, DH makes it way too comfortable...they are completely catered to. I don't do laundry or make food for them. I think doing laundry here is ridiculous, though. They come for maybe 24 to 48 hours total per month...

Mine act like that minus the

Mine act like that minus the random comings and goings because visitation schedule is court ordered thank god so no surprises. I even started calling myself Housekeeping, Front Desk Receptionist and Room Service. I used to do their laundry but stopped when they refused to learn , so at least im not a Laundromat/laundry service/dry cleaner and i have reduced my involvement with pick ups and drop offs so Im not a shuttle service as much as I used to. They also barely speak to their father but thats ok unless they demand something and cant take no for an answer....weird relationship. Outside of visitations their phones are always "off" when my husband calls lol....he doesnt see it but they only come around for relief of BM and for convenience.

The only thing you can do in your situation is to leave while the step is around. Your husband makes it so comfortable that it will always be this way and doesnt seek anything real with his kids just serving them. Mine is the same way, he lives to serve them and when he tries to engage with them he is stonewalled

Visitation schedule is in the

Visitation schedule is in the CO. So, they only come and go on DH's weekends. I don't like that they will just leave the house and leave it completely unlocked and not give DH a heads up that they've done that. We don't live in an unsafe area, but there is a lot of property crime, so I like to have the house locked when we are not home and at night.

You will never win as long as

You will never win as long as your DH continues to enforce court ordered visits for older children and cater to them unfortunately. I guess these are things we must live with unfortunately....

leaves front door unlocked WhAT??!

Let me tell you a little story. In college I lived in a hippy co-op (Co-ed) that was all about free love, marijuana, vegan food, and saving the world. I wasn't a vegan but I needed a cheap place to stay so I played nice with the hippies. I warned them once that although we had 30 people living in our house, that leaving the door unlocked at night was not a good idea. They laughed at me and said they had nothing to fear from their fellow man.

I woke up one morning and went downstairs to fix myself some breakfast. I noticed a strange, smelly older man passed out on our dining room sofa (yes, we had old sofas in our dining room and a coffee table to eat on.) I told the house president, and we asked the man to leave. He grumbled and swore at us, claiming he was a friend of a friend, and left. (He was a bum who didn't know anyone in the house, but knew we kept our doors unlocked).

We sat down to eat breakfast and noticed a stench that didn't dissipate. The bum had peed on the sofa! So, being the dumpster diving heroes that they were, the hippies dragged the pee pee sofa across the street onto University property - so the university would have to pay to dispose of it.

Lucky for us, the bum was harmless. Otherwise we all could have been murdered in our sleep. After that, the hippies started locking their doors. Ha ha. I thought you might enjoy that story.

I agree - don't let this kid invade your house. Change the locks! He doesn't respect you or your home.

Mine act like that minus the

And you and your DH facilitate this.

Why exactly?

I don't facilitate it...DH

I don't facilitate it...DH does because he's a pushover and has given up on having any standards or expectations for his older children.

End the facilitation of this.

Re-key the locks. No key for SKids. Tell DH that he will be next to lose his key.

Stick to your guns.

Oh i have disgusting laundry issues of ss.

He'd come back from university and would do a full oad of laundry with 1/3 of the water required (we have a Samsung washing machine that you select the required water level), his clothes stunk so bad when on the indoor clothes line.

i was pregnant and there was this sour musky stench coming from his clothes. Told hubby to smell it and it was ss. Hubby called and shouted at ss to come out of his room and wash it. I remember posting about it here yrs ago and some stepmums giving me or my husband grief that ss was never shown how to do a load of laundry.

Like seriously, is it that hard to select the appropriate load and water level?? Are skids really that stupid??

ss would also wash his running shoes in washing machine with his clothes. As asians this is just the most disgusting thing for us to witness and just something you don't do. Its laziness and we always wash it by hand. Ss was always finding the quick way out

i'd also do our laundry and with a newborn and toddler hadn't gotten to hanging laundry yet, ss would get our clean laundry and put them in used plastic shopping bags that would have residue of shopping, sand from veggies etc (we kept these bags to reuse for throwing away cat poop etc).

i lost it with my husband who didn't see the big deal even when I explained the above and i had more work washing our clothes again because we had 2 young kids and a newborn with severe eczema and allergies

i'm glad i don't have to deal with that as ss lives in another home overseas