SS12 and biodaughter 1 year. SS12 makes excuses not to come over and i know why. because at his age, he wants to be near his friends. and at our house, he has made no effort to make new friends in our area and it's b o r i n g for him. not my fault. yet, i sympathize with you. the bulk of the responsibility falls yet again on the SM's shoulders. feeding, entertaining, supervising these skids. and yet, when it comes to outlining some requests of our own, it's met with negativity that reflects poorly on you. like you are a mean SM or something. unfair. if you ask me, very unfair. if i were you, be glad he's finding reasons not to come over. as for the summer thing - do not, i repeat, do not agree to supervise this kid at the lake. this is not your responsibility. it should be shared at the most with DH. my SS12 doesn't go out of his way to harm my biodaughter, however, he actively ignores her, purposely avoids her...this irritates me beyond belief as he told me the other day that he wishes he were an 'only child.' i was disgusted and felt sorry for him weirdly at the same time. we had a conversation about family and teh value of siblings. then i told him, 'how would you feel if your baby sister said the same thing about YOU?' he said nothing. whatever. i'm so tired of his poor me attitude. how are the grandparents in your situation? involved? do they spoil the SS b/c they feel bad for him? this is what is happening here. and it's pathetic. and when he doesn't get 'babied' at our house (by me, his dad sure does though), he pouts and sulks ALL day. it's revolting at times. stand your ground. you are not a maid. you are not a cook. you are not a daycare worker.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

i feel bad that you feel guilty. i feel lots of guilt. and i think this stems from the expectation society has of women. that we are supposed to be naturally nurturing and loving toward ALL children, whether they belong to us or not. again, if the roles were reversed....anyway, i digress.

consider buying the book i bought which is helping me IMMENSELY. it's called 'the englightened stepmom: revolutionzing the role'. this book is written from the stepmother's perspective TO stepmoms everywhere. it sympathizes with our role yet also provides really really valuable insight into 'why' the fathers behave a certain way, how you can handle yourself in certain situations to preserve your own sanity and dignity. basically it helps you be a step mom without being stepped on. (hence my signature tag line...)

i found it on ebay. are you considering or wanting more biokids? is your bio son your only biochild? i ask this b/c in our household, i am expected to be 'satisfied' with the two children, one bio and one SS12. this is unfair again, i believe of them to ask this of me. it's a real sticky point with my DH and I. i told him, the day i consider SS12 my own son is the day he considers me his mother. would that be realistic to expect of this child? no. so don't ask it of me. end of story.

good luck my friend. keep us updated and always remember, your presence in this child's life is a gift not a hinderance and people need to remember this.

Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.

Are you relieved when he doesn't come on his weekends? I know how frustrating, annoying, and even devastating it is for our DHs when their children blatantly lie to them. But it almost sounds as if the boy really doesn't care if he comes or not and if he's being forced to visit, he must be a real barrel of fun to deal with while he's there.

The BM just sounds blatantly ignorant. She's the reason your DH's son is the way he is. She only associates happiness with money, so SS thinks being at the lake is far more fun because it sounds far more rich. My DH's son is exactly the same. I'm not even going off an a tangent on that subject. We all know it happens.....whoever buys the kid the most, the kid likes the best. The kid only goes where he'll get the most or best things.

You think your DH is awful on the biokids thing? You should have heard mine on the topic when we got serious and started talking marriage. Luckily, I never wanted any more children after I reached a certain age (which I had hit well before I started dating him). But it was fun at first to tease him about wanting more biokids. He had every excuse in the book why we couldn't have more.....his health, our ages, the kids' ages, money, freedom. He even went so far as to try to blame it on my DD saying she'd die from not being in the center of attention or getting her way all of the time. She called his bluff and said BS, I want you and my mom to have a baby together since you love one another so much. Turns out HIS son was the one who didn't want the baby so his father took on that whole attitude because Precious didn't want another baby around. Tell me that isn't just the most absurd case of a child controlling a parent!?!? Anyhow, after we married, Precious started demanding a dog, and I said no way. You didn't want a baby and a dog is worse than taking care of a baby, so absolutely not. I didn't want a dog either but figured I'd use his logic right back on him instead of making me look even more like the evil SM. So, now the kid is moving to his mother's, because she'll get him a dog and she also won't have any more babies because she's been spayed.