I will try to make a long story-short. I have been praying ALOT, I must be impateint because I am not seeing any change(s). The more time goes by, my husband's name calling and actions are just getting worse and I am at my witts end. I am hopeful for advice (any really) and to know I can "vent" without more arguing. Thank you in advance.
My husband is now 57, I am 41. His previous marriage 7 sons, 1 daughter ranging from 37 to 19 yrs.old. We have been together 10 yrs now. After their divorce, his wife remarried soon after, aound 2004ish. We just stayed togther and Jan 2008 bought a house together 50/50 on deed etc. I found out 2 weeks before the signing of house, it was only 2 houses down from his x. His reasoning, was if I liked the house enough, it shouldn't matter where it was or who near-okay, the 2 youngest boys lived there at the time and the rest in Mass. In 2010, I was on unemployment and of course became depressed. He is 100% disabled from military, so he is home too. I don't know what exactly why, he doesn't want to discuss it. So one thing lead to another and I thought for sure we would split and sell the house,somewhere in the midst, he told me he couldn't imagine his life without me. (I told him, I started seeing someone)I started back to work and that Jan 2011, he asked me to marry him, my hopeful ass said yes. Things were really nice for a while, we planned our wedding in that May, BUT I found out in March I was pregnant! Shocker believe me, he said he didn't want anymore (than the 8)and I was older and into my career. Anyway, in Nov 2011 we had a baby girl. Now, he always likes to tell me "how" things should be done with the baby because he had 8, but it is always at the tip of my tongue -you weren't there the whole time and never even changed 1 diaper! I had to work until my contract ended so while the baby was 2 mos old, he had to watch her during the day. Believe me, I heard all about it.
Back to the Skids, #7 lived with us for a little while, I hated it with a new born, he went out to Mass to live with his siblings but didn't like it. My husband told him he could stay here for a couple weeks-THEN- now it is "don't you dare leave" because I don't like the situation at all and can not say anything-ever, there is never a good time or it turns into an arguement and the name calling and what I call "solitaty confinement". He totally ignores me with shut doors and everything. So it is over 2 months now and #7 still lives in my cellar, under my and baby's bedroom.Of course, apying/doing nothing. ( hub and I don't sleep in same room anymore) So I so hear the xbox going until all hours in the am.
I can't say anything at all anymore or it turns into an arguement and now he says, he is at the point of 14 mos old and I leaving! oh and my dog part lab/border collie, that he hates. I had to get rid of 2 cats I had for him/this house. One cat, I had 18 yrs! Now he tells me if I make his son uncomfortable and leave, my dog will go too-somewhere. She was in part of our getting the house, regardless of what he ever tells anyone. I spent $4000 on a fence to keep her in and not on a collar anymore. I just hate this feeling of dread and hopelessness- when I should be receiving edification and love from my husband. I told him we should go to a councelor, he told me I had to, that he doesn't do anything wrong. Man, hind sight is ,,,, I have so many words that come to mind, I probably can't write them. It breaks my heart to see my baby girl see me cry so much and I just feel "trapped" now. His older kids call or are here when ever and ask for money,etc. and he gives it to them! He has called me so many bad/wrong names-that a husband shouldn't. I am not perfect and never claimed to be but man, I never saw these "wars" coming-his adult kids vs. me. I never wanted to be a "statistic" and hoped marriage would be great-both ways and forever. Now, I worry about my daughter, in this messed up world and don't want it to be worse,if she doesn't have her dad around. (as little as it is-he is stuck to computer) Any help/advice/comments are surely grateful and sorry so long. I don't know where to start or what I have to/can do first. He has control of the vehicle, in his name,etc. This is all just so messed up and sad, I am sorry, I am in shock too I think.