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Hi Steptalkers!
I could use your advice and feedback. (Background: my DH and I have been married 4 years. SS27, SD19, SS15. I have no kids.)
My SS27 has asked for our TV, Netflix, HBO passwords. He is married and together they make close to $200K.
In my family, this ask would never have occurred. Once you are an adult you support yourself. My DH thinks - why not give it to him, no big deal.
Am I being too harsh? At what point do we expect adults to stop mooching off their parents? (If he is hard on his luck, out of a job - different story. But he and his wife are going on an out of country vacation in the next few wks. They have the means to pay for TV if they wanted to.)
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Comments
No
They are 27 and their own household. They should get their own account.
If you want to compromise, insist they give you the password to something equivalent (Hulu or whatever).
But really its best to nip this in the bud. 27 is too old to be sharing passwords with Dad.
Just remind them that this is
Just remind them that this is illegal and if caught (too often using the account at a different house) they can terminate your ability to even have an account.
You aren't being too harsh, they are being rude.
This would bug me, just on
This would bug me, just on the principle of it.
I mean, have they no shame? I can't imagine asking for handouts, making that much money.
I would tell DH that SS is an adult, makes a good living, and can get his own TV accounts.
HELL NO
Especially if the skids treat you poorly. Besides that important factor, they are self sufficient adults obviously doing well for themselves, so again HELL NO.
Whats wrong with people huh? Have they no shame?
Id change that password ASAP if DH gives it to them.
This doesn't bother me, but
This doesn't bother me, but then again, that's just me. My family has one account per streaming service (Hulu, Disney+, Netflix, etc.) and we all use that one account. Each family pays for one of the subscription service and we all share the account. So I pay Hulu, my brother pays Disney+, and my Dad pays Netflix and we all just share the login info.
Ethics aside, what I like
Ethics aside, what I like about your arrangement is that there's a sharing of resources. Each household contributes. Perhaps OP can suggest this as a way to create a more mutual arrangement.
I think given their financial
I think given their financial situation is sound, how about THEY get the subscriptions and share with dad so dad can save for his retirement. I share a couple of mine with my mom. Not the other way around. That said, a compromise would be that each family pays for 2 subscriptions and they 'share' - definitely more equitable.
That's very different than
That's very different than parents paying for their kids who make very good money.
It's against the terms of
It's against the terms of service, so no. They can pay for their own streaming services. Parents continuing to support their adult kids in this way is ridiculous and unnecessary.
Only if they give you the
Only if they give you the password to their bank account...
No.
No.
Entitled SS and his wife can afford their own subscriptions.
I live alone and make good money. I don't have Netflix, Sky etc because I don't watch TV enough to warrant it.
But if I suddenly decided I wanted it, I would PAY FOR IT MYSELF.
I wouldn't ask my elderly Mum who is a superannuitant, for her passwords.
But, I'm not an entitled asshole......
Right? Hey mom, I make 200k,
Right? Hey mom, I make 200k, but can I get your Netflix password? Ridiculous.
I think it's odd that a
I think it's odd that a couple making very good money even thinks about asking for access to streaming services. That just screams entitlement to me.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your feedback! Here is what I ended up doing:
Well done
How did DH take the news?
I don't think he loved it but
I don't think he loved it but I said it was against my value system to share the passwords. They are very capable adults and well compensated. If they want it they can pay for it. Or DH can fund them directly. But hell no am I funding other adults.
Good for you
For speaking up for yourself!
He really does not see the
He really does not see the ridiculousness of his son even asking?
No. I don't think so. Which I
No. I don't think so. Which I find mind boggling.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Also I read a couple of your other posts, just quickly so I might have got it wrong....but did you pay a large amount towards this SS's wedding? And he and wifey then asked you for money for a down payment on a house?
It would have been a NO from me to both those requests. But I come from a family where people pay their own way in life.
Guess we're all different though.
I was cheering you on
and thinking how proud I was of you for speaking up to your DH and then it hit me, my son has my Netflix password and uses it occasionally, though he doesn't watch much tv. I'm totally guilty of feeling ok giving it to my kids and not my steps, ooh hard confession!! On the other hand, my kids are good to me/us and the steps don't think twice about me and DH.