I did it once without really thinking... It was SD5 when she was 4. I felt AWFUL after.

She was going on and on about how she wanted to go live with her "real mom." Instead of saying anything about it being a bad idea I said "have fun then." She burst into tears...

I ended up cuddling her, and she told me she didn't want to leave me, so I said it, and immeadiately regretted it...

I actually did this with my BS12 when he was 10. He was going on and on about how living at our house sucks and his (disney)dad always has everything fun to do and he never has to do chores or has to do anything he doesn't want to. So I said- Fine, if you really think that it will be better for you there, lets call your dad and discuss you living there but I can gauarantee that things will change if you are seeing him more than 2 days a month. He stopped dead in his tracks, said no nevermind and that was the end of it. I will not let my kids manipulate me into changing how my house works and the rules and expectations that will apply to them.

Not myself but SO. 

It was not said in anger but very matter of factly. "You are welcome to not come here as this behavior will not be tolerated."

They still are reminded about behavior and that they have a choice. Follow our rules or not come here. They thought they could have that hold over SO, threatening. Not a chance! He has even offered to drop them off! 

As a step parent, it is not your place to have that kind of a dialog with a minor child of your partner... so that is the bottom line there.

If the boy's father wants to have a sit down with him and explain that he has rules in the home and will be expected to follow them "or else".. it's on him..

Do not take it upon yourself as it is not your place to tell your SO's child they are not welcome in your SO's home. 

Yes. OSD was an adult and MSD was probably 17. Both was because of bad behavior. They are both toxic to our household and my marriage. And I'm sure since I first told them that I have told them in other ways they are still not welcome.

When my BS was 3 or 4 he used to tell me I was 'fired'. One day I said "Ok, then" and a while later he came back and said I wasn't really fired and I said "Well, unfortunately I've already made other plans and I'm already lined up to go to another family and they're really excited about me coming..." 

The look on his face. That was pretty much the end of me being 'fired'. 

I don't think I could do that with my SO's kids, not even as a joke. Not until they're 16 or so... But hopefully it won't come to that. 

So SP can watch the SK when BP is away, working, or having fun, but SP can’t say a work to the child.  Has to Waite until BP comes home to have a discussion about punishment,  if there should be punishment, how much 

If you dont want me laying down the law, take your child with you. 

I banned SS32.  Best move ever. 

I have never told my skids to never come back. But there has been times I wished they never did come back. I have talked to my DH about my skid being respectful in OUR home not Papa's home. If they can't behave like human beings act then they can stay somewhere else and act like the idiots they are. I have rules in my house and I do feel that just because they are precious snowflakes doesn't mean that the rules don't apply to them.

I told SS18 to 'eat his dinner and stop gurning or I will put it in the bin and he can P**s off''    does that count?

I have told my SS17 (recently) that if he doesn't like the rules of our house, if he thinks he is soooo mistreated, and if he continues to yell at me and his dad, he will be "invited" to find some where else to live.  And I would have no issue kicking his butt out the door to his mothers or grandmothers if his behavior ever warranted it.

I think it's pretty hard on the kids to be smashed into a 2bd apartment ... there are six children. 

Of course you and DH both can make rules and enforce them, but let me ask, what would you do if the 'stinker' kid was your kid and your DH told your kid to get out and not come back?

Sure, some of the kids are easier going, perhaps not as active or perhaps simpler to entertain in your shoebox of a home. How many of the other children are boys? Asking that as I know girls are more readier content with books, playing a board game together and small activities like coloring and quieter than boys. Younger children (4-8, male or female) or also less bored and better with being content to few a few simple toys and just each other to stay busy.

And yes, I read where you hope to be moving out of the small apartment late this fall, but you have an awful lot of kids in an extremely small living space. I can't imagine how anyone has any privacy, that any of them like all the same activities or that the older skids 

And really, except the kid just generally annoys the heck out of you, I haven't read anything banishment worthy across your blogs. I did read you were thinking of some disengagement , but mainly from the one child (SS10). I know I answered in your tattling blog, that you do need to disengage from the HC BM and all her attempts of intruding and total control of both homes, but I can't see how you'd possibly disengage from one 10yr old child among five other children and in the tiny living space you have available. 

I'm not saying disengage from having rules, enforcing rules and having appropriate consequences, but your annoyance with SS10 isn't going to go away either with simply pretending he doesn't exist on your visitations, nor responding to everyone else (kid wise) and ignoring the sixth kid. You live in a shoebox, if you start singling out the 'bothersome' child, your DH is going to take notice and make a whole set of new problems. 

OSS was 15 when he made the choice to plot with BM to make a false abuse report to CPS against DH and I. DH told him he was no longer welcome in our home until he decided to change his behavior and make amends. It's been 3 1/2 years, and we haven't seen him since. Oh well. He's an adult now. If he's still choosing to live in fear of BM, that's his problem.

I tell SS15 that he is welcome to find another household that would put up with his disrespectful, lazy, crappy attitude.  I said go ahead and see if your own mom will let you sit in your room all day screaming at video games, never wanting to help around the house, failing classes because you never do homework.  See if your brother or sister (they are much older) would tell you that they love how you eat all of their food at 2am and never clean yourself or your room and sneak around rooms you shouldn't be in.

He just looks at me.  I tell him if you don't like it here, find somewhere else.  Everywhere has rules.  Even if you move out on your own or with mates/gf/whatever, there are rules.  Anyone you live with will expect you to do your part.  Any job you have will expect you to do your part.  So go....go find others that will put up with your b.s.

Funny how that shuts him right down and he never has an answer...