If/when your stepchildren are disrespectful to your husband or wife, do you step in and support your spouse and say something, especially when it's happening right in front of you?
No - the parent of the child should be saying something. The parent should be discipling their own child. No good will come from the step-parent taking action when the parent is actually there.
Absolutely you say something. A SParent in addition to being a equity life partner, is also an equity parent to any children in that SParents marriage/family/home.
If the breeder parent lacks the spine/testicular fortitude to actually parent, then the SParent has to do it. If the breeder parent does not like how the SParent parents and disciplines, then the breeder parent can step up and get it done before the SParent has to do it.
Keep it simple.
Parenting has to happen whether the one who whelped the spawn does it or not.
I would not tolerate any kid in my home/marriage disrespecting my bride or me. Nope, not happening in my world.
It worked for us. Though we were fortunate that we were usually on the same page when it came to raising our son (My SS). It worked well enough that he asked me to adopt him when he was 22.
SS-32 has thanked his mom and I a number or times for raising him with standards of behavior and standards of performance. His mom and I are very proud of the man of character, honor, and standing in his life, profession, and community that our son is.
He demands respect of those in his life as respect was demanded of him and as he gives to others.
Ill behaved, ill raised children rarely become high performance viable adults of character.
No parent should tolerate anything less. Regardless of what flavor of parent that person may be.
I did not tolerate it. Got xSS (now 24) after he made it clear he felt entitled to do zero to contribute as an 18 year old full-time stoner/partier - wouldn't even brush his teeth, get his drivers license, change his sheets, etc. - kicked out after his post-HS graduation Party Summer.
He NOPED himself right out of my house, followed by his Disney Daddy 3 years later. I wasn't gonna live with the disrespect, manipulations, or tantrums. I held onto my standards & shut down the gravy train.
If it's something like typical teens testing boundaries then I'd let the bio parent figure it out ... bc these bio parents be getting triggered if you say anything
well whatever I'll pick my battles ....
Now if it's moderate/major disrespect to the point it affects me (example when I set a rule that unless you paying electric bills then you do not touch my thermostat, disrespectful skid act like he couldn't hear instructions nor reminders, so I had to firmly tell Disneydad "you need to get your sons behavior in order cause mine would never disobey me like that" ) or my perception of my spouse to the point I'm now viewing them as "damn you let your kid emasculate you like that?"
I would correct a neighbor's kid for that if they did it in my home, so I definitely would correct a stepkid, and then, in private, I'd say something to my spouse about him allowing it to happen. Disrespect in my home isn't allowed. I have a young DD and I don't want her learning disrespect from skids (though I'd do the same thing even if DD wasn't present).
IMHO.. it is the Bio parent's place to call out and discipline their child. I might say something like "that's enough".. but the real conversation is with your partner to find out why they don't call thier kid out for that behavior.
and I do too. I won't launch into a disciplinary speech, but I'll say: "you do not speak to your father like that". For some reason they never seem to get upset at me for saying that, or anything really, but they can be particularly cruel to my partner. I think that's because he's too soft deep down and has been giving in all his life until we met and had a few arguments about that side of his, which can also be a turnoff. And also because I will tell anyone off, if necessary, meaning that I sometimes end up in the one of the kids' camps, if, e.g., the other one is not respecting privacy or my partner is too grumpy to notice the usually difficult kid is actually trying.
I am split on this. If DH is acting the fool and apologizing to his kids for his normal response to their cruelty, then no. If he is waiting on them hand and foot and not setting boundaries or enforcing them, then no - I won't step in because he will act like I am the problem.
Now that my DH has turned a corner and is disciplining his kids for their rude comments, bad behavior, etc I am happy to defend him if they step out of line. The reason being is that he now has respect for himself, so I do too. Before, when the Sd's were young, I was so disgusted by his behavior that I opted out of participating in the farce entirely.
I guess that sums it up. If he is trying to enforce rules, then yes - support him.
No - the parent of the child should be saying something.
No - the parent of the child should be saying something. The parent should be discipling their own child. No good will come from the step-parent taking action when the parent is actually there.
Absolutely you say something.
Absolutely you say something. A SParent in addition to being a equity life partner, is also an equity parent to any children in that SParents marriage/family/home.
If the breeder parent lacks the spine/testicular fortitude to actually parent, then the SParent has to do it. If the breeder parent does not like how the SParent parents and disciplines, then the breeder parent can step up and get it done before the SParent has to do it.
Keep it simple.
Parenting has to happen whether the one who whelped the spawn does it or not.
I would not tolerate any kid in my home/marriage disrespecting my bride or me. Nope, not happening in my world.
It worked for us. Though we were fortunate that we were usually on the same page when it came to raising our son (My SS). It worked well enough that he asked me to adopt him when he was 22.
SS-32 has thanked his mom and I a number or times for raising him with standards of behavior and standards of performance. His mom and I are very proud of the man of character, honor, and standing in his life, profession, and community that our son is.
He demands respect of those in his life as respect was demanded of him and as he gives to others.
Ill behaved, ill raised children rarely become high performance viable adults of character.
No parent should tolerate anything less. Regardless of what flavor of parent that person may be.
IMHO fo course.
I would say something (and
I would say something (and have). I call out disrespect. Disrespect is never ok. I will call that out
Same here
I did not tolerate it. Got xSS (now 24) after he made it clear he felt entitled to do zero to contribute as an 18 year old full-time stoner/partier - wouldn't even brush his teeth, get his drivers license, change his sheets, etc. - kicked out after his post-HS graduation Party Summer.
He NOPED himself right out of my house, followed by his Disney Daddy 3 years later. I wasn't gonna live with the disrespect, manipulations, or tantrums. I held onto my standards & shut down the gravy train.
Not today, Satan!
Call it outb
If you don't. They will think you are Ok with the disrespect
Yes...
...100%!
Depends on the level of
Depends on the level of disrespect
If it's something like typical teens testing boundaries then I'd let the bio parent figure it out ... bc these bio parents be getting triggered if you say anything
well whatever I'll pick my battles ....
Now if it's moderate/major disrespect to the point it affects me (example when I set a rule that unless you paying electric bills then you do not touch my thermostat, disrespectful skid act like he couldn't hear instructions nor reminders, so I had to firmly tell Disneydad "you need to get your sons behavior in order cause mine would never disobey me like that" ) or my perception of my spouse to the point I'm now viewing them as "damn you let your kid emasculate you like that?"
I would correct a neighbor's
I would correct a neighbor's kid for that if they did it in my home, so I definitely would correct a stepkid, and then, in private, I'd say something to my spouse about him allowing it to happen. Disrespect in my home isn't allowed. I have a young DD and I don't want her learning disrespect from skids (though I'd do the same thing even if DD wasn't present).
IMHO.. it is the Bio parent's
IMHO.. it is the Bio parent's place to call out and discipline their child. I might say something like "that's enough".. but the real conversation is with your partner to find out why they don't call thier kid out for that behavior.
It IS, but...
.... where bio-parent refuses to shut that shit down (i.e., "parent"), it is appropriate to speak up. Otherwise,
"What you permit, you promote."
Couldn't agree more.
Couldn't agree more.
Yes...
...100%! Permitting nonsense is promoting nonsense...nope!
My partner almost always does
and I do too. I won't launch into a disciplinary speech, but I'll say: "you do not speak to your father like that". For some reason they never seem to get upset at me for saying that, or anything really, but they can be particularly cruel to my partner. I think that's because he's too soft deep down and has been giving in all his life until we met and had a few arguments about that side of his, which can also be a turnoff. And also because I will tell anyone off, if necessary, meaning that I sometimes end up in the one of the kids' camps, if, e.g., the other one is not respecting privacy or my partner is too grumpy to notice the usually difficult kid is actually trying.
I am split on this
I am split on this. If DH is acting the fool and apologizing to his kids for his normal response to their cruelty, then no. If he is waiting on them hand and foot and not setting boundaries or enforcing them, then no - I won't step in because he will act like I am the problem.
Now that my DH has turned a corner and is disciplining his kids for their rude comments, bad behavior, etc I am happy to defend him if they step out of line. The reason being is that he now has respect for himself, so I do too. Before, when the Sd's were young, I was so disgusted by his behavior that I opted out of participating in the farce entirely.
I guess that sums it up. If he is trying to enforce rules, then yes - support him.