Anxiety At Drop Off
I am at a loss.
I feel like my anxiety is getting worse and worse. I feel like it should be getting better as DH and I have gone "gray rock" with BM, and she's been quiet lately; We don't engage with her (beyond what's necessary) but it seems like each week, when she drops the skids off, I get this DEBILITATING anxiety. It takes me a good 1-2 hours to get rid of the pounding heart and then I replay the drop off in my head for the next day. So all in all, I am affected for a good 24 hours.
She and I don't talk at drop off unless she hands me or him medicine or school papers.
Her tactics come only behind the barricade of a computer screen. She will rant and belittle DH and me in email after email and then see us at drop off and act like nothing is wrong.
I feel like I have so many issues I'd like to take up with her (in an adult manner) but it wouldn't do any good. She is impossible. I've learned that the best defense is to stay away and disengaged from her as much as humanly possible-- but the anxiety is KILLING me.
It's getting to the point that when the skids even mention her at all (in the most innocent ways) I immediately start getting a pounding heart. Any times the kids misbehave or act out of line, I IMMEDIATELY think of her and ways to blame her for it- WHICH I KNOW is ridiculous. But surely I"m not the only one?
Any practical advice? I really don't want to feel like this-- I mean: I don't want to be her friend; I just want to protect myself, my marriage and my kids.
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Comments
Is there any way you are not
Is there any way you are not there for drop-off?
Are you able to be shopping for dinner or running an errand? Then you don't need to see her at all.
DH needs to address her diatribe & vitriolic crap. He needs to let her know all her emails and texts are saved for future use in court if necessary. No threat, just an FYI.
YEs. I can not be there.
YEs. I can not be there. It's gonna have to be that way. I'm going to have to retrain my brain to just stop it. her screen confidence has been addressed and now she's showing a fit of silence and not communicating ANYTHING with DH. (fine by me I guess)
thank you for your advice.
Definitely stop going to drop
Definitely stop going to drop offs, you are giving BM way too much head space and making yourself miserable.
Let go, disengage, DH needs to man up and handle that mess. I know how it is when you let this stress consume you.
Can you see a therapist to help work out your strong feelings? I really think talking to a professional would help you.
Similar BM history here too
I stopped going to drop offs years ago after she started phone and email bombing DH with her rubbish over the most trivial of imagined matters. I say Imagined because BM was one of those who got ideas into her head and made up her own history of events then let loose on DH about it when 99 % of it was all in her head.
I think in the beginning we all want to be the nice, reasonable SM, helpful but not overstepping etc and don't want to look as if we are not interested in skids by not being there for drop offs etc. At some later date we usually end up not being interested and even end up disengaged. What happens in between is history.