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Confused SD

StepsunkMom's picture

Submitted by StepsunkMom on Wed, 11/17/2010 - 12:42pm

:?
Hey guys,
Hope someone can help with this one.My so has a 10 year old daughter who i believe is in need of a good talk.the poor girl is 10 but acts 5.My bigger issue is the innapropriate behavior she desplays to her father :only when im around:...She trys to lay on him when he lays on the living room floor...she straddles his back when he downs on the floor also.She sometimes puts her hands under his shirt and rubs his chest, even putting her head in his shirt, also trys holding his hand.Like bf/gf.should do.Or would do.I personaly feel that this is very inappropriate and should be adressed.I question where she gets this behavior...the most effection myself and so show eachother is a kiss when he comes home or a hug.Even when sitting on the couch together..we are jst next to eachother,when we get the chance.Ive never displayed rubbing...holding hands...touching under cloths.Anymore then something little causes sd to be very jelious..a hug to long or talking to eachother "to much"..in her eyes.makes her angry.Sd also acts baby ish...everything has to be about her or her bm.I Swear i cant say one word about anything that has to do with me and so s business or anything that shows concern of me..without sd having a say or attitude about why it should be about her.Or how her or her bm mom do it "better"..Irritating as heck.

Also i really wish i could understand my so on how he notices the behavior an thinks its ok.Or does he notice.And is there and easy way to tell his about what ive observed without hurting his feeling.He takes alot of pride in his kids..and is easily offended about things with them.And how can i get him to talk to sd about what is appropriate and what is not.And why?...

Please..jst a little help here?!

Comments

Gia's picture

Submitted by Gia on Wed, 11/17/2010 - 12:49pm

#1: go away and don't look back. Being a stepmom is not easy, in many cases not rewarding at all.

If you are still there, and not planning on running away, then listen up...

She is a child, the behavior is WRONG. No question, she is jealous and probably feels threatened by you. She is fighting for her daddy's love, and will do whatever it takes.

Your first conversation should not be with her, should be with her father. Let him know that a 10 year old needs boundaries and there is no need for her to sit on him, lay on him, hold his hand, etc... Let him know that it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't understand, gets upset, or claims he won't do anything about it, please refer back to #1, the beginning of this post, is not worth it.

If he is actually on board, then he needs to have a conversation with his daughter without you so she doesn't feel that because of YOU, this is going to happen. He needs to let her know that she is a big girl now, not a little baby, that there are certain things that are not right, and he should lay out NEW rules. with consequences if those rules are broken.

Is a long, long road. And your only chance of succeeding is if your Significan other is TRULY on the same page as you are.

SillyGilly's picture

Submitted by SillyGilly on Wed, 11/17/2010 - 2:29pm

She is being territorial to make sure YOU know that SO is HERS.

You need to have a talk with SO about her behavior and how it is inappropriate for a girl her age to act that way. DO NOT BE THE ONE TO TALK TO HER - then the issue will become you vs. her rather than about her behavior. If SO can't see it is inappropriate then that is a sign for how your future will be. If SO is in agreement he needs to have a talk with her about acting her age and appropriate.

Good Luck!

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Wed, 11/17/2010 - 2:30pm

I have the exact same problem...there is probably no easy way to deal with it. Honestly I am the only who has a problem with her behavior. Her other family members think its so cute how she just wants her daddy all the time and my BF too feels that way. They see her like she is still 5 and that is why she acts the way she does. She gets a lot more attention that way as well. I am very uncomfortable with the overly affectionate behavior that she exihibits with her father but without him being uncomfortable with it then I am just the crazy person and there is nothing wrong with her "wanting her daddy" I give up...the only time he'll see a problem is when boys start coming around and she is all over them like she is her father now or it might take a teen pregnancy to do it.