I haven't posted in a while...things have been really good between FH and me. We both just kind of stopped our constant battling and have been working more on compromise, working on letting go of things that don't ultimately matter. For the first time since we decided to get married (we've been engaged for 8 months) he said to me last week "my public self and identity that way was always me and SS. That's changed. Now it's me and you- it has to be that way. With SS we are a family, but if I am a part of a dyad it is with you now." I was blown away! I felt so happy (and also a little guilty!).
This week, though, man- I am just so over the dysfucntionality of 50/50 custody, of his bitchy ex-wife, of his guilt parenting, etc.
Our schedules are really well mapped out through the end of the school year- I have a great deal of work travel this semester for conferences and workshops, SS has different sports teams, we have a bit of travel in there....so BM calls FH Sunday night and basically said FH and I has "messed up" all the weekends this spring and that she wanted them all switched-- she just decided to travel to Italy and somewhere else, so if we switch then she is in the clear (and if we don't it's days of "negotiations" between FH and BM that I cannot stand, either). Ultimately, we made the choice to switch b/c it is better for SS- but this requires that we rearrange every plan we had in our life between now and the end of May.
Next, I called yesterday at a time when SS is typically in sax lessons-- but SS answered and said his dad was out on a bike ride. Now, of course I wondered why SS would be at home alone (FH will not leave him alone, ever, for any short length of time nor has he ever been left with a babysitter). SS proceeded to tell me about coming home from school with a 101.9 fever, he's sick, coughing, etc. but that they "forgot" to cal his sax teacher, so this young man was just "hanging out with him at home" listening to music. This pissed me off on a few levels-- but mainly b/c SS shouldn't be having a music lesson with anyone with a fever that high!
Next, when FH told me about SS's class camping trip tonight and tomorrow he told him that if he was feeling better he could go-- I said "no way!" This kid is contagious for 48 hours after the end of a fever. NO parents want someone who had a 102' fever the night before at a camping trip!
FH then talked with BM who said that SS "had to go" on the fieldtrip b/c "he was counting on it." She and FH fought for about an hour on the phone-- and then, of course, he was short-tempered with me.
I was annoyed, b/c after talking with BM, FH brought up yet another scheduling change. I cannot handle any more f-ing schedule changes right now! I am so f-ing tired of this schedule, tired of structuring everything around it, only to have it change b/c of BM's manipulation. I sometimes feel like my life is held together with scotch-tape.
SO, I guess FH and BM got in another fight this AM when he took SS to her house (she has him on W/Th- this 50/50 split of the week is outrageous). She wanted to let SS go!!!! And she wouldn't agree to take him tomorrow if he's better since the trip is almost 3 hours away. But FH just called me and said "I told him I would take him." #1- it's not SS's part of the week to be with us-- it is BM's job to take him, not FH's! #2- a child who had a 102' fever today should NOT be going on a camping trip tomorrow (hello, guilt parenting!), and #3- whenever this happens, I ask FH what will happen to all of these promises to SS, picking up BM's slack, etc.when we have our own child. He most certainly won't be able to just take the day off work and drive SS 3 hours somewhere without asking me if it works for our schedule- when BM is supposed to be responsible on that day.
ARGHHHHHHH!
I need a yoga class, some deep breathes,a glass of wine later on tonight, and frankly not to talk to FH too much tonight. I am just so over all this stuff! (I'm not actually "mad" at him- just so tired of dealing right now).
Thank you for letting me vent. Any advice on how to just swallow the being "over it" feeling so that FH and I can have a substanitive conversation about this stuff?