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The hardest thing about being a stepparent

stepparent111's picture

You know what the hardest thing about being a Sp is. The fact that he doesn't even want to be with us and has to because he is a bad kid. You know how you all have court arrangements and visitation and yada yada yada. While this kids mother had him and was living with her parents and literally the grandparents called dad and says come get him now because he is embarrasing us in the community and if you don't get him we are giving him up for adoption. Like WTF right. Dad goes and gets him and kid balls his ass off not wanting to go with dad. He didnt want to leave his mother and grandparents but they made him and he doesn't like us wants to go back to them and dad tries to do the right thing all the time with the insolence and I just wish we never got him and just paid CS like every other dad. I'd love a paternity test too because he looks nothing like his dad. I surely found out the hard way just how bad a 14 year old can be and now he embarrases us in the community and you know what he's not even my kid, acts like me in no way shape or form, and people in my community think he's mine and judge me off of his actions and I am innocent and I wish we never got him. It's true as bad and monstrous as I sound...

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Aniki-Moderator's picture

Your story is not new here. There are others whose spouse gained primary custody and have a hellish life.

Can you disengage in any way? I would (and did) refuse to go out in public with a 14yo who cannot behave or conduct himself with good manners.

ETA: When I said your story is not new here,  I did not mean to come across as uncaring, but that it isn't uncommon. 

amyburemt's picture

and has anyone brought his behavior to the attention of his dr? The other posts say he has ADHD which is very challenging but i'm wondering if it would help you and dh to get some help on how to deal with an ADHD child and get  some coping skills? And I would push the Dr. for some more testing to make sure you are not dealing with some type of autism. Now one of the other approaches you can take besides disengaging from him is to look at it through his eyes. He may be feeling that he has been basically rejected by every family member he has. This is the problem I have with people who say "come pick your kid up I can't deal with him because he's embarassing". Kids, especially teens are sometimes a nightmare to deal with but they also need stability. He hasn't had this. The adults in his life give him to the other adults when they can't figure out how to deal with him. Now imagine trying to cope with that along with having something like ADHD where things that are normal to others are 10 times harder for him.

stepparent111's picture

Your so right I need to have some empathy and I agree that he seems to have more of a learning disability than ADHD which they kind of lump grouped him into.