Some Help Please....
My partner and I have been together for 3 years and living together for 2 years.When we got together,we discussed about his kids and He told me that his kids will always live with BM as he wouldn't expect me to take care of his kids since I had none of my own at that time...and we are not married. His kids are 16 daughter and 8 son.The 8 year old has some developmental issues and has toilet regression,violent outbursts,uses foul language when angry,harms the dog....
Fast forward 2 years,we have a 6month daughter and partner now wants his son to live with us so he can 'take care' of him.He has declined to take him for counselling. I work full time from home and take care of our daughter 80% of the time,I have a part time nanny.I have told him I dont want SS to live with us because I cannot cope with work and having to full time watch the kids because of the violent outbursts...and I simply dont want my life disrupted that way...Not to mention when they are here,they will ignore our daughter and me,are lazy and spend all day in front of tv,mess up the house..I cant handle it!
We live in my house,while partner pays for expensive schools for his kids,I am left with planning for our future as he doesn't keep any money aside for that.My partner brings up the change in living every week and seriously the pressure is immense.I feel like I am getting a raw deal out of this situation.Additionally,he is never physically in the house because of his work.
If partner wasn't here,I would have better support to care for my daughter..and not deal with constant anxiety of having my life change...
Advice?I feel like my life is getting out of hand
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Nope. If he wants his kid to
Nope. If he wants his kid to live with him (would BM allow that?) he needs to move out. Oh, he can't afford that without you? Too bad.
Let him know your answer is no, it will stay no, and he can decide what to do. He sounds like no prize anyway, freeloading off of you and pressuring you after you've already said no. Let me guess - he wants you to watch his kid all day, too
Yes..he wants me to watch his
Yes..he wants me to watch his kid,structure activities,supervise him...his 8 year old cant bathe himself..so it's a full time job.
The BM is a stay at home mum who waits for partner to pay for all her needs.Like I dont care about that,it was that way before I came into the picture...but she doesn't look after him to make sure he attends his online classes so he's behind because of that. Euuughhh..So partner will not talk to her but expects me to take on her role too...!! I have told him its not ok to let her slack off and expect me to cover her slack....I am having serious anxiety about all of this
Please get out now. This guy
Please get out now. This guy is using you.
Yep. The old bait and switch.
Yep. The old bait and switch.
Your life should be better
Your life should be better with a partner... if you would be better off without your partner - consistently, I recommend re-evaulating the relationship to decide if continuing is the best thing for you and your child. As stated, it sounds like your partner and his kids are the only ones benefiting.
So he pays for luxury private school for skids, is he intending
To do the same for your child together? Because it seems he has no money kept aside for her future. I would have serious issues about that
also is he contributing towards groceries, utilities etc? The fact his son is abusive, he's got some nerve placing that danger around your 6 month old who can't defend herself!!
He says he will take care of
He says he will take care of private school when the time comes.....My take is to do this 6months ago...which I already did.With COVID and job redundancies,I cant leave it to chance
I would remind him of his
I would remind him of his statement about never having his kids live with you, and let him know you relied on that. I would tell him that his son will NOT be living in your house, and if he insists on living with his son, it will be elsewhere and without you. (Frankly, it doesn't sound like him moving elsewhere would be a loss to you - only to him as he appears to be getting most of the benefit from the relationship.) I would also ask him to stop bringing it up, as your answer will not be changing. If he insists on pressuring you, ask him to leave. You ARE getting a raw deal, so no need to put up with pressure from him.
Just Say NO
You must take a stand. Now. If he wants to take care of SS. He has to move out. Then he can do whan he wants. He would have to get child care for SS or stop working If you give in on this, all is lost. He will control you
Say no.
NO. It a complete sentence. His 2 brats will do more than cause anxiety, they will wreck your life. Already they are bad, and its parttime.
You are not required to care for his kid. Thats on him. I would ask him to move out.
I'm confused. He isn't home
I'm confused. He isn't home much because he works all the time yet he doesn't make enough money for more things you need that are important? What does he do for a living? I'm just a little suspicious of what keeps him away from the house so much.