You are here

Feeling confused and hurt need advice

Carolinagirl79's picture

So I have posted a few times on here about my SD and my DH who was disney dad for years.  SD who was the mini wife up until he married me and she then chose to not accept our marriage and for the last 2 years has made my.life and my DH life a living hell even though she isn't in our lives . She finally as of late fall backed off and has made no attempt to make contact with her dad causing drama . I think her and BM has finally realized they wasnt going to win my DH over.  So that part is calming down but my problem is my DH who seems to want to have these anger filled outburst with me every couple months or so and this last one being this past weekend was the worst! I think he is filled with guilt for not chasing her and giving her more than she already gets a month in child support payments which is very high. He pay the max amount.  He completely lost his cool and was shouting and yelling so loudly for a long period of time that I just sat there and cried for 2 hours . I have a son 16 who I am raising  on my own as his father pays support but doesn't see him often so I have my son 24/7. My son who isn't perfect by any means but he doesn't disrespect my DH or our marriage he tends to sometimes get into trouble by being late for curfew or has a friend I dont exactly like as I feel he is a bad influence but my DH in his outburst acted as if he thought I should do my son the way his daughter is done and not give him any money or do for him and see that he is out of the home by graduation because his daughter isn't here and with her mom. His daughter is 18 and graduating this year and is completely being kept up by his support payments and has a car and everything because he pays so much. I feel so hurt and although he apologized constantly for hours after his outburst and said he was out of line I'm just waiting for the next one to hit. I'm tired and exhausted because I didn't chose this with his daughter but im.not giving in and letting her destroy my life 

tog redux's picture

Yelling and screaming at you for hours is abusive. And the apologies afterward fall right in line with abusive behavior.  Has he done stuff like that before? 

I don't think I'd give DH two chances to do that to me. I'd insist on some sort of counseling. 

Carolinagirl79's picture

He has had outburst before but never as bad as this one. I have never cried either until this last one. He acted as of I do so much differently with my son and expect him to lay the law down with his daughter.  I did ask him to stop chasing her and giving into her and her mothers demands cause they use him as a ATM and then after she got what she wanted it was back to wanting him to choose her or me and refusing to accept the marriage . So she gets 1000 a month Iin support and we pay back IRS debts of his with the ex so I feel they shouldnt get any extra 

Rags's picture

This a regular thing with this asshole.   Move, befiore your son steps in to put a baseball bat to this guys skull for treating his mother like shit.

If you won't leave for yourself do it for your son.

In my first career I had an employee who killed his mom's BF.   He was 17 when he killed the boy friend.  He had come downstairs when he heard his mom screaming to find the boy friend beating his mother. He attacked the boy friend who beat him fairly badly then went back to beating the mother.  The young man ran upstairs and got a gun that his father had given him.  He ended up shooting the boy friend several times then ran from the home.

He left the neighborhood as the police arrived.  He ended up walking into a police station in the middle of that night to turn himself in.  The police had him wait in the lobby though he told them that he had killed his mom's boy friend earlier that day.

He was not even tried for the killing.  But he was pretty screwed up over the whole thing long after it had happened.  He did go on to college on a Div 1 top program football scholarship but dropped out.

He asked me several times for syringes so he could do drugs safely.   I am an insulin dependent diabletic so he saw me injecting insulin regularly.  I declined to give him syringes but did tell him he could get them over the counter at any pharmacy at a very low price.

His mom repeatedly introduced the same types of men into her son's life the whole time he was growing up.  Eventually her choices severly impacted her son's life.

ESMOD's picture

Maybe you are getting an idea why he was someone else's EX?

His ex may be a piece of work.. and his daughter may have been a problem.. but your husband's behavior may be also is a factor in his history with them.

Carolinagirl79's picture

You are right.  The EX wife and daughter was both spoiled and entitled but he made it like that so it is his fault he gets used by them. I come along and treat him very well and always think of him and buying for him which he never had before me as he was always giving and got nothing but treated like crap and somehow I end up getting blessed out?

Siemprematahari's picture

Next time he wants to have a tantrum and have an outburst with you, shut his @ss down ASAP and walk away. You tell him you will not entertain such childish behavior and he can take that shit some place else as you will not tolerate such mistreatment. He is being abusive and if he has anger issues because of his daughter than he needs counseling to sort it out, instead of taking it out on you. 

Don't allow him to treat you like crap and let him think it's ok, because its not. Also please look at what this treatment is modeling for your 16  year old son.....This is not healthy for him either. So I recommend therapy to straighten this out and if he chooses not to and it persists I'd consider leaving his sorry @ss. 

Carolinagirl79's picture

Funny how you mention what this is doing to my son because I forgot to mention this in my post . He will not fight with me at home in front of my son . For example,  Last weekend we was out just us two when it started and he done it in a parking lot and stayed there until it was over so my son didn't hear anything. Not defending him in that cause I still feel I didn't deserve the outburst but just saying he wont do it at home so my son can hear it