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Need advice... Am I wrong?

Carolinagirl79's picture

So I have posted about my SD and being the mini wife and my DH who created this monster which has been a nightmare itself since we been married a year and a half. So now o to my next issue... His sister! We had a huge argument again last night and I'm just exhausted and thinking of just calling it quits! When we married he told me about a year before that his sister was taking over his morgage and within a year she would put the house in her name. Well it's been almost 2.5 years and she still hasn't done it and all utilities and everything is still in his name she has said so many times she would transfer the Bill's into her name and each time it comes up for her to do it she extends it another 3-4 months.  I'm not talking about the home morgage the utilities.  She hasn't even tried to get a home loan. She lived with him at this home and paid nothing with her kids but when he let her have the home before he moved out she put him on the floor and brought her kids and their SO with them and made him pay all the utilities.  He told me she even labeled the food so he couldn't eat it and after we married she continued to call him to come pay all the Bill's for her and fix everything that needed fixed. I blew up and got mad as I feel she needs to get her own husband and put everything in her name and stand on her own feet and have pushed my H to make her do these things which has caused arguments. I want to buy a home and move in tje next 2 years and I want him free of debts to this home that once belonged to him and ex wife. She called this week to prolong the utilities another 3 months and he told her ok before talking to me . He had told me 2 months ago that he was not talking to her anymore and for me to go by and pick up bill money. She always brings his daughter up too and it causes issues because she knows their relationship is strained because we married.  So he tells me to go get the money which I do and he briefly tells me the day after she is extended the utilities 3 more months . I wondered how he knew this if he was not talking to her so I looked up his phone records and seen he had been texting and called her the day he told me to go. When I seen it and questioned him he blew up on me for looking at his records and I said you are the one that told me you wasnt talking to her anymore wouldnt allow her to extend things and wont put your foot down to her so we can build our life and I'm the bad guy?

susanm's picture

That would be the last time I acted as his errand girl.  And, since he is so generous and flush with cash that he is able to support anyone who puts their hand out, he clearly does not need your money.  Separate finances immediately and make sure he can not get his hands on a single cent until he gets things straightened out.  If he doesn't like it, he has a house he can move back into tonight filled with people he apparently values more than you.

hereiam's picture

Wow, this as bad as an ex getting the house and refusing to refinance. Your husband was an idiot to not go through the proper channels, in the first place.

You are not wrong, I wouldn't have even married him until this was sorted out.

 

 

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Why doesn't your DH just call the utility companies and have them shut off?  That would force his sister to open them in her name.  Does she have bad credit? The paying in cash and not wanting to put them in her name sounds like she might.  If she has bad credit, then she might be avoiding switching to her own name because many utility comapnies charge a deposit if your credit is low.

Carolinagirl79's picture

Yes she has no credit and has been telling my H she was putting the home in her daughters name but she has been saying this for 2 years. She uses her daughter too. Always wanting everyone to put everything in their name for her

ESMOD's picture

I hate to say this.. but I think your SO actually needs to become MORE involved in this situation.

1.  RE the utilities.. he needs to get on the phone with his sister and the utility companies and get them transferred.  Stop waiting for her to do it.  Now, they may want deposits.. if she doesn't have enough money to pay those.. many times the utilities will split them up.. OR your SO could make your sister pay him a little extra for a few months until he has in his control enough money to make those deposits.

2.  Gettting the house in her name.  He needs to get her to the point of starting a credit history.  She needs to see if she can get a secured credit card from her bank.. perhaps she could take a small loan out and then pay it back... start getting some history.  It's not as hard as you might think to purchase a home as a first time home buyer.. key will be her work history and salary.. credit will mostly be an issue if it is POOR.. but lack of credit isn't quite as bad.  Your SO.. needs to get her to a mortgage broker.. make the appt and go with her.  

It may be more involvement for him... but it sounds like she isn't capable of figuring this out on her own.

Carolinagirl79's picture

This would be a great idea BUT.... She has a job that isnt taxable.. She filed taxes the 1st year of working this job and owed the IRS so the next year she just let her daughter claim her son  on her taxes to keep her from having to file taxes. She has no taxable job so she cant even qualify for a home loan. She wants her daughter who is grown to put the home in her name for her. This poor girl isnt even married yet (soon to be) and is going to have this poor girls credit tied up for herself.

ESMOD's picture

It sounds like you need to possibly speak with a credit counselor yourselves as a couple.

Now.. I get where his sister will have a tough time getting a loan.. but... what about owner financing? or a long term lease?  I think if your SO gets the fact that someone else is covering the housing cost.. perhaps it can not be held against you both in your next loan situation.

But.. you would most likely need to start documenting this now.  Get legal advice.... get a contract/lease in writing and document payments from her for the rent. (forget the utilities for now)... if she has been paying cash.. that stops.  she either pays with a check.. OR money order.  Make copies of this each month so that you have a clear document trail that she is indeed paying to cover the cost of that home.. so it isn't a cost.

It may mean you have to start filing as if the home was a rental property on your taxes too.. again make sure you are documenting it all properly and it shouldn't hold you back from purchasing together.

Rags's picture

This is why your DH needs to just sell the house.  He gets his money and provides an added bonus of rescuing his niece from her POS mother.

This would make a great Maury Povitch episode.

If you want to motivate action, call the IRS and report your SIL and her sneaky under the table tax fraud scheme.  Once the IRS latches onto her there will be consequences.

smh

MissTexas's picture

I surely hope so, and you're not letting him have the free ride he's allowing his sister to have on him!

The utility thing is VERY SIMPLE. He calls the utility companies and changes the name on the account to hers. If he is not able to do it without her permission in your town (some require both to sign off on it, some do not) then he calls and says, "I have a renter occupying my home. I need to take my name off the utilities. Here is the address. Her name is________." Then it's on the utility companies to collect their money. If she can write names on food to prevent him from eating it in HIS HOME (after being vanquished to the floor to sleep) then he can write her name on the utility bills to be paid.

You enabled this behavior by running over to get the cash to pay these bills. I guess in order for you DH to look like he wasn't talking to her, he sent you to do his dirty work. What a sweet man. (insert sarcasm here)

As for you checking his phone, are you on a joint account with him? I presume so if you were able to check the phone records. If he got angry, it's only because you outwitted him and called  BS on his lies.

If things break due to normal wear and tear, or repairs need to be made (if sister and kids don't cause these things to need attention) then he will need to be responsible for the upkeep, as it is his house still. If sister and kids cause repairs to be needed, then she pays for it. I saw someone mention evicting her, but that is very costly and can literally take years. She can claim "squatter's rights" and explore other options to be able to stay in the home, depending on your state. Many will not put a single woman out with kids. I would draw up a rental agreement and present it to her to sign.

To summarize:

1. Make sure he is paying your shared bills.

2 .He can take the utilities out of his name at any time.

3. Don't act as his go between to get the bill money, because you're enabling and encouraging this behavior to contiue.

4. Keep records of what you find on your JOINT phone account. You will need them to prove he is a liar. Digital footprints never lie.

5. If it is his home, and something needs repair work or replacing (through no fault of his sister and her kids) then he is obligated to keep it up since it is his home. That keeps up the value of the home. If the damage or something is broken due to sister and her kids, then that is her responsibility. There really nees to be a rental ageement in place so you'll have some teeth in the game if it comes to going to small claims court later.

Carolinagirl79's picture

Yes I did go to get the money because I thought he wasnt talking to her and this would keep her from using him and keeping drama going about his daughter because she always brings it up when she knows something about his daughter and it gets him upset. So when he told me the day after that she extended utilities another 3 months I wondered how he knew it if he wasnt talking to her! and if he was talking to her than why didnt he go get the money cause that as the whole reason I would be going is so she would have to say it to me and i would tell her quickly no and to get the bills out of his name and she dont bring up SD to me.So i looked it up on yes a joint account that I manage and seen where he texted her for over a hour and then called her right before he left work ( he always calls me on the way home) and so I questioned him and he got so mad at me for looking at his phone records and said I was treating him like a child and should of just asked him . Truth is, I dont trust him completely because when we was going through the stuff with the mini wife he was chasing her and blowing her phone up and lied to me about it saying he didnt so I looked then too cause I knew he was lying about chasing her . SO, when I wanted to know about the sister I just looked instead of asking him so I would know before I said anything.

Carolinagirl79's picture

And no it wasnt normal wear repairs. It more like i bought a new toilet and need it put in, I need the faucet changed, I want a new door knob replaced, I want a door hung... it was things she wanted to do and him be her handy man

ESMOD's picture

Here's the thing though.. it's not like this is the guy's EX.. it's his sister.  I'm guessing that brother will be pretty reluctant to dump his sister out on the street knowing that she will most likely not be able to find a place to live.

I'm guessing a brother that has helped his sister like this will be reluctant to make her homeless... go through legal channels to evict her etc...

Of course OP could make it an ultimatum but it may turn out that that backfires on her with her SO.

but.. I guess she has to decide if she can make peace with this situation somehow.. or figure out how to make a workaround.