About a year ago, DH left a pretty damn good paying job that had a lot of stress. I supported this decision, even though it scared me. I tried to understand and put myself in his shoes..

He took another job that, well.. he gave no effort to. First 6 months he was on a ramp up pay - then after that, straight commission. For 6 moths he did nothing at all. Sure.. maybe he did a little work, like an hour each day cold calling from the couch!

I was frustrated, but again.. tried to be an understanding wife..

Then.. about 4 months into the new job (March/April), BM tells us she is leaving and moving over an hour away.. of course DH wants his kids, so he goes on an all out campaign to get them.

For the record - I did not want these monsters. They made my life hell every other week and I can't stand them.. But.. again.. what were my options? How would I feel if my ex was moving and trying to take my daughter - I would want her full time and refuse to accept less... basically my hands were tied - if Dh wanted and got them, we would just have to make it work. And I told DH exactly this: "If we get them, there needs to be a meeting about respect and rules because I can't live with them full time the way they are now." We had that talk.. it made no difference - they are the same little assholes, only worse because they are here full time!

Anyways.. one would think.. that if you are trying to get your two teenage boys full time and you are at a job you are giving zero effort to and making NO money.. that maybe you would
A. Get your ass in gear and work! or
B. Find another job ASAP!

Dh did neither.. he screwed off all summer - remember - his ramp up salary (which wasn't much) ended in June.. His excuse was that he was stressed because we were fighting for custody (which was bullshit - BM handed the assholes over willingly - I hate her for this!) - oh sure, we still had to go to court to get it all official, but the kids were ours full time at the end of May.

Dh also ran the "boyz" everywhere and enrolled them in various sports and camps we couldn't afford and BM ditched her half of because.. oh, she lost her job right before she gave us the kids! (another reason I hate her)

So here my ass is.. 2 brats I don't want and a husband that really isn't doing shit to support them.. and a BM that isn't working!

Can you feel my frustration?

Then.. it becomes official in court. the assholes are now ours full time and BM.. only has to pay 200/month in support! WTF! This was in August.

I flip my lid.. tell DH I am not ok with ANY of this! Basically tell him, if in 30 days things do not change I am GONE.. I am not supporting these kids full time while you play "stay at home dad" and their mom goes on an extended vacation! Sound selfish? Probably. I don't care.

DH gets off his ass and gets a better job (In October).. has a coming to Jesus meeting with the assholes. One of them improves, one of them gets worse..

BM even gets a job.. things are looking up..

Then.. last month.. I begin to hear grumblings about DH's job.. I have noticed that he is home a lot and running kids here and there a lot AGAIN.. the worry and concern are back. DH works from home and quite frankly, I think he screws off more than he works..

I begin to hear about people getting laid off.. that DH's boss told him that he may have to let go the guy DH hired last month... and that DH's boss is complaining about his lack of sales (the new guy, not DH) - his boss then tells him he may have to go sell instead of "managing" his one sales guy that he's probably going to lose..

Dh is now bitching to me about all of this... and pretty much saying (without saying it) that he is afraid he is going to lose his job (AGAIN)..

honestly - I am shutting down.. I don't want to even talk about it with him because I know I will go off and call his ass out! the resentment is building.. the frustration is at an all time high.

So is the depression and anxiety.. I wake up in the morning feeling like I got no sleep.. probably because all I do is toss and turn at night. I leave work and don't want to go home.. my only joy is my daughter.

Just when you hit rock bottom - some asshole tosses you a shovel.