The way kids are today - if she said she would kill you, please be careful! And, do not leave her alone with your bio children if at all possible. Also avoid being alone with her.

Your freakin' husband should be protecting you - not defending her and blaming both of you. With words like those, I would question her mental stability, which sounds like she could snap at anytime.

In the last week prior to my SD 17 leaving, she choked my BS 14 hard enough to leave bruises on his neck for two days. That was a Tuesday and I stayed home the rest of the week from work to protect the kids from her since her Dad was out of town. By Sunday we had completely had it out verbally and I told her to call her Mom and have her come get her. Dad wasn't due back until that next Tuesday and wouldn't change his work schedule to come home sooner. My experience here is the Dad's ability to minimize and underestimate what they little princess is capable of is limitless. He's presently kissing her ass with both lips trying to make amends for her bad behavior. I'm ashamed it took me that long to say enough is enough.

Just so you are not misled...I told her to have BM pick her up knowing full well she would not. SD found a co-worker to come pick her up and hasn't been back since. Mom still hasn't come to the rescue. Anyway, she will forever be the victim in this situation, of that I have absolutely no doubt. Hopefully the risk that you will lose Dad if you draw boundaries is all in your head, but I think you have no choice in these situations. I know I have to let go of my fears in that regard now and draw a hard line.

Be sure to call cops if anything happens. Had to do w/SD16.5 when she was "threatening" various things and they can help in situation, diffuse and explain to kid that they Have to follow parents ground rules, whether they like it or not. As long as YOU don't get physical, they are on your side.

I told DH that if she ever put hands on any of us again that's exactly what I'd do. I also took pictures of the bruises which turned out to be quite a smart thing to do. When the fight between she and I escalated to her Mother...who was threatening to actually call the cops on me all I had to do was mention the photos. That was the end of that threat.

I'm afraid to touch her...but it's not in my nature anyway. They would not hesitate to have me arrested for it so they could laugh at me. They would have that night...her and BM if they thought they could get away with it. But I most certainly will not allow her to be alone with the kids anymore. I dread the day that DH actually talks her into coming back...if....because that means I have to let him know that she's never going to be in that house without him there....so that means she goes on the road with him when he works...which means a GED program rather than finishing high school and no job since she'll be on the road half the year. She'll be sittin in a hotel room or doing God knows what while he works 16 hour shifts for weeks on end. I'm tellin ya...a hard line...ain't no way I'm tolerating this. Hopefully it's beyond that by now though...fingers crossed.

OMG, I thought we had it bad! That is so scary that these chilren are threatening you guys! I would definitely call the cops on her and document this crap-!!!
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"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers

im so glad to see im not the only one with problems with a abusive ss- he's 15 and was on sucide watch- we had to take out all our knives etc.. anything that he could hurt himself with. He's never threatened to hurt me or my bd's but i worry alot about how much he hates me. his psych. said that it's normal to pick one person to direct his anger towards.

Yes, my SS in my previous marriage picked my BD who is 16 now. She has also been scapegoated by my new SD 17. He would do things like burn her things, set up the neighborhood kids to 'hate her' all together, and even one time hid and tripped her and then punched her in the stomach. This was when they were around 8-9 years old. I left that marriage, and he was one of the main reasons. He's more than 6 feet tall now and has had federal charges against him for destruction of property this year, got jumped and beaten by a group of other boys his age, and most recently got into a fight with his Dad that has resulted in his Dad pressing assault charges. These kids don't just get better or outgrow this stuff....eventually they get consequences....

I was very afraid that when he outgrew me (I'm 5 feet and 100 pounds soaking wet), that he'd overpower me physically and I'd completely lose control....I was 100% correct. Little did I know I'd walk right into another situation with a kid (female his same age) that is just as bad. Totally devastating.

My SS16, arrested for selling drugs, using drugs, attempted suicide. He's on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills. He goes to individual counseling, group counseling, family counseling, and a shrink at the inpatient facility he was at. They've told us at his age, he will only change when he decides to make that change, no matter what everyone else does to work with him. So - that gives BM and BD (my DH) a license to enable him by buying his love and allowing the manipulation to continue. They also live in denial because "he's just hurting inside".

I'm afraid the way he's been handled, he just keeps wanting more and doing more things to cause trouble and get his way - he's about ready to up the ante. We lock everything under the sun up when he comes EOW, and our 5-month old sleeps in our room (with our door shut/locked). I have told my DH that is the only way he can come over anymore. Something in my gut just says he's on the verge of hurting someone. Of course DH thinks I'm over-reacting, his sweet little boy would never do that.

My response to him - you didn't think sweet little boy would begin using and selling drugs at 13 did you? It's sad - there are a lot of us out there with Skids who are very angry, violent, and in trouble with the law.

i sit her hoping for some consequences to all his actions... UGH!! will i have the patience to hold out!

Life does catch up with them eventually...but that is not much consolation because it could be after the parents are dead and can't intervene anymore. My Ex shocked the heck outta me by filing charges....if he'd have forced consequences when the boy was five it would have been a done deal but he had to wait 12 years and put himself and his other children and mine through a divorce, and another relationship since...but currently his BM is trying to figure out a way to help the boy out of his trouble. 'Boys will be boys' was her favorite thing to say to me when I was raising him. She will win the popularity contest this round...and how long will she go before she says she's done? It could be till she's dead, who knows...silly to wait around for it cause it doesn't hurt her and it doesn't hurt him, it just hurts you.

1Life,

It is refreshing to hear that validation about the psych professionals saying he's at an age where he won't change until he wants too. That's why in my earlier blog I had to voice up that I really don't buy that 'as long as their a minor' statement. Morally, perhaps that's the magic day...18, but just like any other developmental timeline, age really doesn't matter. It's the point where the child has developed WHO THEY ARE AND WANT TO BE and then you are screwed. Until they figure out on their own that they need to change, using the 'minor' responsibility excuse to coddle and chase is an illusion. I think it's actually counterproductive because it gives them justification that they are not doing anything wrong because they still have parents who support them. Consistent bad behavior means a bad person...bad character....you cannot change someone's character once it's set and they are thinking independently.