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soooo done with it....

step18's picture

Submitted by step18 on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 9:59pm

I was never going to go down that road of not liking the x just because they had problems. I really thought we could all get along. She was remarried, we were happily married and starting a family. But somewhere along the way things became a disaster! Both kids lived with their BM. We had them every other weekend. I went & picked them up, we went to most of their games, I took them shopping, went on little vacations, had their BM and x in-laws over for holidays, etc.. I thought we represented a very healthy family...I was so wrong.

As a young adult SS went thru years of legal trouble. I was considered a she-devil because I wouldn't wipe out our savings account to post bail even after being out two thousand dollars on related expenses. Then because BP were so wrapped up in the son, they didn't even notice their daughter was in deep depression. They thought I was nuts for mentioning it. Then SD suffered from anorexia and totaled two cars. I forced her into therapy, but once again I was the she-devil because I found out she was relapsing and told my husband. He told her the info came from me. Ever since then she has barely spoke to me. She has been mean and hurtful to her siblings (we never have used the word half)and hasn't spoke with them in months.

In the past year I have had to pull back financially due to my drop in income. I never hear from SS and SD has written a long letter about how rotten I am. Husband will not do anything to reprimand her. She is 20 yrs old! No one will go to counseling. I am going alone.

My husband and I are separated and divorce is probably inevitable. Oh and he is back in touch with his x. I feel like I've been used up til the money was gone and now they can all just go back together as if I was never in the picture at all. We had kids togther that are just devastated. I don't even have any words to comfort them because I honestly don't know what happened. After 17 yrs how can this happen??

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 11:01pm

Oh my...I am so very sorry. I am sorry that your kids are having to go through this too. It seems that for most of these kids nothing is ever enough...they want it all...and when the father goes along with it, sadly, we can do and do and do...and we will be just the wife...very sad.

Be strong for you and your kids. Make sure you take every freaking penny that you spent on his kids back in some way.

step18's picture

Submitted by step18 on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 11:35pm

The SS finally has straightened out (legally anyway), then the SD goes off the deep end. My kids are like what happened to our family???? I feel like a step parent is only allowed to give, give, give & never ask for anything back, like respect..... I'm trying to be strong, I really am. My falling apart moments are only when I know I'm alone. Thank you for writing.

step18's picture

Submitted by step18 on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 11:44pm

They really are. I keep telling them they didn't do anything to cause this. One cries, the other just shuts down. Things started going bad a couple of yrs ago with SD. She "accidentally" told the younger one their was no Santa, told the older one it's okay to try drugs and alcohol, said they looked bad in pictures...husband said it was harmless and accidental.....He's in such denial. I could just bang my head against a wall!
Thank you for writing.

guiltystepmom's picture

Submitted by guiltystepmom on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 11:07pm

im so sorry to hear this...hang in there..and therapy will help u...do it for urself...u will see things so much clearer...and u will forget about these snakes...ur a great person and dont change that...be strong...u can do it!!!! xxxx

step18's picture

Submitted by step18 on Mon, 07/23/2012 - 11:53pm

Thank you, that's very kind! I'm kind of in shock that he's really doing this. I told him I've been very good to his kids and made a nice family for us. He should not allow them to treat me & the kids like this. I think it's his divorce guilt doing this, I don't know?? But then wouldn't he feel bad about what he's doing to our kids?? His x cheated on him several times so he had to leave the marriage. I was never married before. I guess I thought he had this stuff worked out a long, long time ago. Maybe it's never really worked out?? ugh....

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 4:11am

i am so, so sorry. you have given your all and look what happened. this just re-confirms for me why i should not give and open myself up fully to my dh's kids. i think this you are living the biggest nightmare a step parent has, and you even have kids with this man. i will not feel guilty anymore! i know you are deep in the pits right now, but i think, with time, you will see it was harder when you were with him. at least now you will not have to put up with his other kids. one day you will wake up and the sun will be shinning and you will feel happy, content. you just have to walk the pits first. God love ya.

step18's picture

Submitted by step18 on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 4:04pm

Thanks Cocoa. I really did give it 100% There were times I wanted to go to lunch or out with a girlfriend, but if we had the SK my DH told me that it would hurt their feelings. I completely bought into it thinking I was making a solid family. I never went anywhere when they were over. I always tried to think of their feelings. Never did the "mom" necklace w/ the number of kids on it everyone used to wear because I didn't want to hurt them, didn't do family pictures without them...there was nothing they weren't included in.

I guess it's good that I don't have any guilty feelings, but I sure feel used. I thought my DH would stick by me and that's not the case. We're still married and our finances are still mostly mixed together. It just fries my fanny every time I pay for SD's car, tuition, insurance etc... I mean really, who gets to tell their SM off and keep a nice car that she's paying for??? DH won't take it away, spineless!

LRP75's picture

Submitted by LRP75 on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 4:55am

I am so sorry for what you are going through and for what you have gone through.

Just focus on healing yourself and your children. It is true that time heals all wounds. Things are horrible right now, but they do get better as each day goes by. Focus on that light at the end of the tunnel. I know that it's all cliche, but it's all true.

step18's picture

Submitted by step18 on Tue, 07/24/2012 - 4:14pm

Thank you LRP75. You're right I'll get better each day. I notice tho that Im different every day. One day I'm in tears (secretly of course) the next I'm in a fog, the other night I could have beat the crap out of SD & DH if I saw them...lol, probably signs of going over the infamous edge huh?? I like your saying about crazy. I just recently read the saying, Walk Away From Crazy. I don't think I'm actually walking yet maybe dragging is a better description!