And in a follow up to my earlier post about SS16 having sex with his girlfriend...
I just want to disengage. My DH gets so frustrated with me when I try to get him to act. Just like SS's poor school performance, and his lacklustre efforts at home with chores, this is now one more item that seems to be repeated incessantly in our home. I hate it. I hate fighting about it, and I'm pretty sure my DH wants me to shut up about it all - not necessarily because I'm wrong but because he just doesn't want to do the work. And whenever I open my mouth about it, I think I remind him he's not doing a good job.
He just stormed out of here tonight to go pick up SS. We had a perfect day. Then, I make a comment about something general related to SS and "Boom!" We're fighting over nothing.
I KNOW we should tell the girlfriend's parents so they can make decisions about when they are in their home.
I KNOW he should be in contact with SS's teachers so he can be on top of his school work.
I KNOW that SS should have more boundaries so that he can be better prepared for the consequences of life.
But DH thinks otherwise, and I'm the only one getting upset (unless I'm talking about it, of course. Then we're both upset.)
Can I just leave it to DH no matter the consequences? (I wish he understood why I care. I'm just so sad about all this. It's not my nature to let people fail. Not him nor his son.)
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I'd let him read
I'd let him read unfreaknreal's blogs about her son becoming a father. That might make him wake up.
I'd have to say no on this
I'd have to say no on this one, only because it *doesn't* just affect SS. If he gets the girl pregnant, YOU and DH could very well be looking at having a child to raise.
I agree 100%. I feel morally
I agree 100%. I feel morally obligated.
I've already said what I
I've already said what I would do so I won't repeat that.
If you can't talk to your dh about the kid, talk to your dh about YOU. Tell him you are not living in a house with 2 whining teen parents and a screaming baby. Tell him you've already learned how hard it is to live with a child you are unable to parent, there's no way you're gonna subject yourself to watching a vulnerable baby being "parented" by these also vulnerable teens you cannot help.
Tell your dh what your own boundary is. Then it is not about you second guessing his parenting or "overstepping" or any of the rest of that radioactive stuff.
Personally I would still make the call myself. I would absolutely tell my dh I am not the kind of person to sit on my thumbs when a 14 year old girl is putting herself wildly at risk and potentially creating a human life. BTW, when my husband saw I was serious about making the call I have no doubt he would make me step aside and he would do it himself becuase he would feel like a schmuck if he let me do what he knew he should do.
This is more than just a
This is more than just a moral issue. I don't know what your state laws are, but in my state a 14yr old is under the legal age to have sex with...and in the eyes of a court would be seen as rape--yes even if the girl agreed to have sex. If her parents wanted to they can press charges against your ss. Tread carefully on this one. I would say the bio father needs to have a serious talk with your SS and tell him to stop for the sake of all of you.
I completely appreciate your
I completely appreciate your concerns, however unfortunately, it is not against the law here. A 14-year-old can consent to have sex with someone who is two years older than her. If he were over 18 though, he would be charged.
Just spoke to my husband
Just spoke to my husband about this to get his opinion. He said he wouldn't tell the girlfriends parents, I suggested that I would at least have a chat with the girlfriend about birth control etc to make sure she has proper information and knows her options and how to get hold of it. He seemed to think that was a good option. Personally I don't know what I would do, if she were 15 or 16 I think I might leave it at the birth control chat, as she is only 14 I feel more uncomfortable with that idea. I do also believe in her right to privacy and she may not want her parents to know for good reason. My main concern would be that she knows that sex is a choice she gets to actively make every time and that she can say 'no' at any time during sex and also that she is fully informed about the risks associated with having sex and how to reduce those risks. Obviously I would also want the SS to know about all of that too.
So he can talk to a 14 year
So he can talk to a 14 year old girl about sex and birth control but not to her adult parents about teens having sex at their house? *rubs eyes, head wobbles*
The parents will be furious he talked to their daughter like that, if nothing else.
And the kid does not know about saying no and having a choice and understanding boys have different viewpoints and emotions because she's a kid. Under the age of consent. These are adult matters and they are for the adult brain.
Yeah, well, guess your dh is gonna love on that little baby that's gonna be on its way. Maybe he misses babies now that his kid is a teen and that's why he's acting like this.
I think you need to tell him
I think you need to tell him that if he doesn't want to have a serious talk about this, you do not want to hear about his future Grandchild and that you want nothing to do with babysitting, buying gifts or any of it. You also don't want to hear about any jail time, probation or beatings the kid took from the girls Dad.
My son had a baby 2 days after his 18th birthday. It wasn't easy but he had both bio parents at that time for support. I already told DSO, no pregnant SD in my house while she was under age.
Thanks everyone for the great
Thanks everyone for the great perspectives. We'll see how his "chat" with SS goes this morning and what he reports back.