You are here

BF's Toxic Teenage Son 2

Soniki's picture

I'm sure some of you are aware of my situation with my bf's son (pleasd refer to my previous blog if not). I was wondering what your advice would be on how to tell my BF that I won't be buying his son any presents for Christmas or communicating with him any longer.

His son is 16 years old, a manipulate, deceptive, rude, disrespectful, delusional pathological liar who lives in denial of his own faults, makes excuses or lies when he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. I've had to put up with him for 5 years and have bent over backwards for him, caring for him, buying him gifts, helping him when he supposedly needed it but continues to behave this way towards me. He uses me and my bf for what benefits him but never has a genuine conversation or spends genuine time with me or my bf. He always does this through emotional manipulation and then in front of other people acts as if he doesn't know why we're mad or upset with him, he's done nothing wrong he is just sweet and innocent. obviously has issues from his alcoholic mother who lives in denial of her own problems.

More info in my previous blog but would like to know how to tell my bf seriously that I won't be doing anything anymore. I have told him in the past I won't buy his son Christmas presents because of how he's behaved but always caved and did it anyway because I felt bad. Now I've gone past the point of caring but don't know how to approach the situation seriously but not offensively. I don't want to upset my bf or cause problems between us. He has also said he won't buy his son anything because of how he's been but I know he will, he's never been consistent with dicipline and he always goes back on his consequences for his son.

Comments

tog redux's picture

Don't tell him upfront. Just dont buy the gifts and distance yourself from the boy. If your BF asks, say, as we discussed, I'm not going to be buying him gifts for Christmas this year. 
 

Don't be rude to the kid or ignore him, say hello and then go about your business. No need to announce your plans. 

Kes's picture

^^^^This 100%^^^^  It is a mistake to annouce disengagement to a partner.  Just do it, and if he questions you about it, keep your answers short, terse, and to the point.  Don't make excuses, or in any way feel you have to apologise for your decisions regarding lack of gifts or disengagement in general.   Don't speak to SS16 unless he speaks to you.  Mind you, if I were in your place, I'd have my suitcases packed actually.  

Soniki's picture

But I only say hello if he greets me first. He usually just ignores me and passes me by or goes straight to his dad. He says goodnight to his dad but never me etc. So I don't put the effort in if he doesn't with me. 

He is just someone who takes advantage of peoples caring nature but never does anything for another person unless he gets some substantial benefit from it. 

I'm done with all that though. I don't do or say anything for him or say anything about him to my bf. Just that gift giving for Christmas or birthdays will always be tricky

CLove's picture

Parents do not like criticism of any kind of their biospawn. I guess you could sort of dance around it ..."Heres my shopping list of what I need to get for so-and-so", and tell him by ommission.

Or you could try the ever-so-gentle "Your biospawn will hopefully learn a lesson this year, about how to treat those that care for him..."

Or direct "Biospawn will not be recieving gifts from me this year..."

all of which will bring down a torrent of guilt for biospawn being a victim of himself...

Really, do you think this is a discussion that will go well, no matter what approach you take?

thinkthrice's picture

for a gift from SS before I get him one" 

(if pressed for an answer)