Wanna Play Nice Now??
This has been bugging me since Christmas Day. DH and I havn't spoken to SD 19 for two years. She was very upset when we announced our engagment, wrote a letter to DH, to go on with his life if she weren't in it. So, on Christmas day, we were about to pick up SS14 and SS13, who we see EOW...BM sent text to DH "what about Mary/SD19, she is your kid too?" So to avoid argument with BM ...DH told her we were going over to MIL's house which is closer to BM than to our house. BM says she would jump them off at MIL's house. So, we go out crab a couple gifts for SD19. So, we arrive to MIL's house and sure enough there is SD19. I thought she wouldn't show up! And she talked to DH has if nothing had ever happend. Not the letter she wrote, or all the nasty things she said about me on FACEBOOK. I personally did not speak to her. She didn't go out of her way to speak to me either. But I would catch her "checking me out". She wasn't there that long maybe an hour. But on her way out the door. She smiled and said goodbye to me. I pretented not to hear her. So of course on our way home DH says why was I so cold. :jawdrop: I have to be nice because she wanted to be phony to collect a christmas present?? Now We havn't heard from SD19 since Christmas Day. MIL is having retirement party on the 22nd of this month, I saw guest list and SD19 did RSVP for the party. What should I do if she tries to speak to me again? And I really hate that DH spoke with her on Christmas like nothing!! I don't know what to think or how to take this?? Does she want to be cordial with me now? Or is it just to see what she can get from us? She sees how we do things for SS14 and SS13. But why do I have to just suck it all up and forget about all the name calling and disrespect, just because she wants to "play nice" now?? I hate for someone to be phony with me. I keep playing it over in my head, how it's going to be at this party. I can just see that phony smile on her face...ughhhhh!!!
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I am in a VERY similar
I am in a VERY similar situation and have many of the same fears and questions. What are her motivations? is she just looking to get all she can from DH (and me)? has she matured and is now ready to treat people with common decency?
In the end I have choosen to follow the very wise advise of those who have already posted....to move forward cautiously and keep any and all contact polite and respectful as I would treat any stranger. I have desided to give a bratty 17yo a pass to try again and let the past go.
I hope it turns out well, for both you and me !
I agree with mom2tomany
I agree with mom2tomany "Maybe she has finally realized she can't manipulate her dad into doing what she wants by threatening not to see him." In her letter she also wrote..."no matter what I do ur still going to marry her anyway." I will take everyone's advise cause...I also agree that all eyes will be on us both. Just about everyone knows the drama between us. So I will be cordial and just that. I will take it one day at a time.Not letting my guard down so easy. Thanks![Wink](https://prod-cdn-1.ststatic.com/sites/all/modules/contrib/smiley/packs/kolobok/wink.gif)
Well, if it were me, I'd play
Well, if it were me, I'd play nice and keep the peace. Not overly nice, but you only see her randomly for events, so make it friendly.
Kids are psycho sometimes. My ss17 claims to hate my f=ing guts, has told me repeatedly that I'm not his f-ing mother, but you know what...that kid has always liked me, he just needs someone to take out his hostility on. I have done a LOT of good things for him, listened to him, helped him, and he knows I'm not an evil witch.
Now, not that I am going to take his hostility...I pretty much ignore it and stay the hell away from him, but I do act like the grown up in the situation and overlook his behavior because of my love for DH. She's a kid and she probably regrets her behavior.
I'm saying do this for DH, not for sd. You don't have to be bffs, but you know, you've known "those" girls in high school.