Is ExW becoming a GUBM, am I just finally realizing/admitting it, or is it nothing?
DW and I are in the middle of a custody dispute with ExW regarding BS8. When I first approached ExW about a custody modification, she told me that DS8 would be staying with her "until the situation indicates that he would be better off otherwise." I am not sure what that means, but the next thing she said was that if I wanted to continue that line of talk, we would have to do it through lawyers. So that's what I did. The judge mandated mediation as a first step. Mediation failed without any proposal from ExW and apparently not even a moment's hesitation in dismissing the offer submitted by my attorney on my behalf. We are now in the custody investigation phase.
My BD16 resides (with ExW's blessing) for the last year primarily with me, DW and skids. I don't think that there has ever been any doubt where she would fall on the issue of where BS8 should attend school. BS18 stayed with ExW and finished school in the town where he had always gone to school. He is now living with a friend's family until he moves into the university dorms this fall. Now that ExW has remarried and moved to another town, he has let me know that he feels that DS8 would be better off attending school in my town. For whatever reason, he politely let ExW know that he is going to let the custody investigator know that he feels BS8 would be better off going to school here. ExW let him know that after all the sacrifices she has made for her kids, and for him in particular, it is "a slap in the face: and "beyond hurtful" to hear this. She also brought up things about me in an attempt to sway him. She told him to "think harder." He responded that he knew that she would be hurt and that he felt guilty about it, but that he truly believed that it was in the best interest of BS8 for him to attend school here, and he would stand by that. No I didn't put him up to it. I have not talked to him about the custody investigation since the proceedings began around March !.
I know that neither me nor my situation is perfect. So do BS16 and BS18, and they both are volunteering to side with me on this issue. And they are two of the only three people (the third is BS8) who have been in both situations. So we will see what effect(if any) their opinions have in this. But ExW's actions have really got me wondering, is she crossing into GUBM territory? I have resisted this classification for a long time, but it is getting very tempting. Ugh.
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How the households differ: 1)
How the households differ:
1) BD16's grades have improved significantly since moving here, BS18's remained very low, considering his aptitude
2) ExW's new SS13 (who I recently learned is somewhere on the Autism spectrum} has a propensity for being removed from school, most recently in handcuffs Not sure of his GPA. My SD16 has a 4.0 GPA and SS12 has good grades also. No school discipline issues with them at all.
3) ExW's SS's are there one week on and one week off, and attend a different school district than the one into which ExW proposes to enroll BS8. Both BS16 and my SS's live here full time during the school year.
4) Both ExW and her new husband work an hour away from the school in which BS8 will be enrolled. Neither has any ties with the school or any real friends in the area. DW works 5 minutes from our school and I work in the area (contractor.) Skids have been in this school district for 3 years and BD16 for one year. We know people in this community and school district.
5) Both my bios report that the conflict resolution in ExW's home consists of a lot of yelling, and ExW has told me in the past that her SS13 lies a lot and has characterized him as "one step away from Juvie."
6) There are lots of guns in the household, and while I am not strictly anti-gun, guns and angry teenagers have my radar up.
7) ExW's stepmother lives with them. While I don't flatly disapprove, I strongly suspect that that will become a source of stress.
There is more, and I have expressed to ExW that these issues are resolved or turn out to be non-issues, but I think that BS8 would be better off here in the meantime.
Her response was, "contact my lawyer."
1) if BS18 grades were low,
1) if BS18 grades were low, why would any investigator take his statement as an intelligable one and not soley based on emotions? Just something think about when building a defense.
BS18 grades are low, but he
BS18 grades are low, but he is smart and his comments (which he showed me after the fact) do not appear to me to be emotion-driven. His comments are not "unintelligible."
I am not sure that it is situational that someone bets removed from school in handcuffs. If the rest is, I guess that my whole point is that BS8 is better off in this situation. The mediator actually suggested waiting to see if BS8 really DOES fail. SMH. It is not about taking away ExW's rights, my proposal at mediation was a lot more than I now have. It is about what situation has the best odds for BS8's success.
I hope it doesn't get to court. I hope that the custody investigator rules in our favor, and that it is settled before that point. The only way it will go to court is if the ruling is in our favor and ExW refuses to settle.
Well good luck. But based on
Well good luck. But based on everything you posted, you don't have a case. You should consult with a lawyer who will give you straight answers and not just looking for a payout.
I don't feel that the
I don't feel that the comments regarding my unintelligible BS18 (do I seem unable to string together coherent thoughts?) and my inability to choose a competent lawyer are warranted, but thank you all for your opinions. I know that you are well-meaning and have limited info. The wheels are already rolling on the case, I will let you know it turns out.
My interpretation of your responses is that ExW's behavior is normal and rational, and I will try to remember that boing forward. Thanks again.
I'm not saying your ExW
I'm not saying your ExW actions are normal or rational, there just not horrible enough to change custody agreements.
The OP was about her
The OP was about her reactions, not whether or not I was going to win in court. The discussion went to whether or not ExW was justified in her responses. Based on the voiced frivolousness of my concerns, I guess the answer is yes. It then went to whether or not I am going to win in court, and I accept that. I feel that I have already weighed both sides of that argument with people that know more details (no offense), and I am already engaged in that process, win or lose.