I think we all need to realize this
I'm coming to the sad, depressing realization if you are involved with a man with kids, you can at any point have those kids come to live with you full-time.
When we first started dating, living together, DH had SDs 50/50 and I have my BDs 50/50. We had it worked out so at least every other weekend we have it kid-free. Well, BM has apparently given up on being a responsible adult and we now have SDs ALL THE TIME! DH suggested that we go out Saturday night and leave SDs 9 (twins) and SD12 home alone while we go out (my two will be at their dad's). I said no way in hell am I leaving those 3 alone in our house. They were left alone for 1 hour while we ran to the store and decided to throw a glob of "slime" that they made on the living room ceiling and left a large pink stain which no one will clean up, because no one has a CLUE how it got there.
I told him this is the price we pay because their mom, your ex is a loser. Now, we sit home with kids all them time.
- skatermom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I totally understand what
I totally understand what you're saying. We've had SD full-time since she was 2 (she's 5 now) because DH's ex is a total loser who doesn't want to be responsible... but the thing is, DH is just as responsible as BM is, so at least one person stepped up for her. That's the way I try to see it, anyways. It sucks for SMs but the kids need SOMEONE to take care of them.
It gets easier once you start looking at the kids as innocent children who need parents. It's unfortunate when one bio-parent stops doing their job and puts more on the other, but it's what happens sometimes. Hope things start looking up for you xo
Yea, I know. I've been with
Yea, I know. I've been with DH for 8 years and married 1 year. So, I'm not new on the scene. I know they need me, and him. But I can still hate BM for not being a mother, just a useless women who picks them up 1 time in 3 weeks, gets them a McDonald's ice cream cone and dumps them back off at our house and acts like she really did something.
Ahhh I feel ya. It's nice to
Ahhh I feel ya. It's nice to rant, for sure lol
I absolutely agree about hating BM for not being a mother. It sucks being the SM who is obligated... although we're not, we kind of are when BM doesn't act like it and kids need a mother figure. I feel guilty about not loving my stepdaughter the way I love the baby I'm pregnant with ALL the time, than I hate BM even more because why the hell should I feel guilty? If she was doing her job, I wouldn't feel like crap about it. Deadbeat BMs are the worst. Kids, especially girls, really do need their mothers to straighten up.
Totally hear you. When I met
Totally hear you. When I met DH skids were 8 and 9 and had lived with their BM/GBM their whole lives. DH didn't even have 50/50.. just willy nilly, whenever he felt like having them or whenever they asked to come over, or whenever BM needed a babysitter. It NEVER crossed my mind before I married DH, that a skid might potentially live with us!
And then when SD was 14, after BM1 had royally screwed her shit up, and taught SD to act just like her, SD did just that... asked to move in with us. And it is a miracle that our marriage survived those 2 years, and there are deeeeep scars that will probably never heal. She is 19 now and is staying with us for 3 months during her break from college and only one month in and the annoyances are already piling up.
When skids aren't there, our house runs like a well oiled machine. But throw a skid in the gears and everything's a mess.
This^^ And make sure DH is
This^^
And make sure DH is aware that spending time with a stepkid is more exhausting than spending time with your own kid. It's more work. It feels like a chore. DH knows that even though I care for my stepdaughter and love her in my own way, it's still NOT the same and I need more breaks because of that. He never makes me feel bad for choosing to go out and shop when SD is acting up LOL he knows it's for the well being of ALL of us if I get more breaks than a bioparent would need.
This is so true. Yesterday,
This is so true. Yesterday, I dropped my two off at their dad's and DH want me to go and spend the day on the boat with him and his 3 daughters. I just looked at him and said, "no, I'll stay home and do laundry" He was shocked that I would rather do laundry than spend the day on a boat.
Quietly decompress and I fold 8 load of laundry, while catching up on my DVR in peace and quiet, or spend a day in the hot sun, with twin 9 year old's, whining and complaining and SD12 whining and complaining, hmmmmmmm decisions, decisions......
Eight loads of laundry? Holy
Eight loads of laundry? Holy crap, how long does that take?
No. I actually don't mind
No. I actually don't mind doing it and I don't want them using my new washer/dryer. There are 5 kids and my husband and I, doesn't take long to pile up.
Can you hire a baby sitter or
Can you hire a baby sitter or is there an alternative family member they can visit?
There have been times I have asked my mom to watch BD and SS but mostly SS goes to see his Uncle and BD goes to my parents or stays home with my BFF if SO and I go out.
When my BD15 is over, we have
When my BD15 is over, we have left for a few hours, we will have to gradually increase the time......
I understand your worry but
I understand your worry but you still really need to have time to yourselves. If you don't take it then your relationship with hubby will suffer. I understand your worry about leaving his kids alone but still.
I don't know how bad they are but slime on the ceiling while annoying doesn't seem that horrible. I mean I know me and my sister got play dough, silly putty, and all sorts of crap in the carpet even with mom home. It's just a kid thing. Annoying yes but maybe one day you'll look up at the stain and laugh. Or like us name it Martin and claim it's your watch dino. I'd take it if it meant a night alone with my partner. Now in dealing with it I'd go with the well since no one did it everyone pays for it. Weather that mean they all get grounded or they all lose privileges for a set time.
My partner currently only has the kids EOWE and extended Summer visit and holidays but I do know if he got a chance for the kids full time he'd take it. Hell I'm placing bets on when BM will drop the kids on us because she's done being a parent and son already is such a handful for her. I see this kid in MAJOR trouble by 10 if she doesn't shape up. Daughter also already makes statements that tells me she's tried of mom's crap and shes only 7.
The slime is one thing I
The slime is one thing I mentioned. There are a total of 5 girls he has 3, I have 2. The youngest being identical twin 9 yr olds, yes they are cute, but they are a handful. Let me paint a picture: We live in a house on a corner lot as you come into the subdivision, we have a large trampoline in full view, 5 kids attracts every kid in the neighborhood to our house, it looks like a 3 ring circus in our yard, I'm not exaggerating.
They run in the front door out the back, bikes and scooters everywhere, sneaking food meant for lunches, half drank water bottles everywhere, neighbor kids coming in the house unannounced. Bedrooms a mess, school work strewn about. The girls are all in cheer or gymnastics so they are trying to do flips in the house every time I turn around. I literally do laps through the house, catching them doing stuff, mostly the twins. Yes, they need us, yes, it's what kids do. This rant is about having all this dumped on me within the last month.
But I just got a text, BM is taking them out for an ice cream cone!! YAY!!
Agreed with downsouthin. Like
Agreed with downsouthin.
Like you said this was all dumped on you one month ago. Its up to you and more so your partner to fix this.
My mother loved when we were younger and other kids would come play but it was either quietly in our room or outside. She put her foot down and we knew to respect it. Bikes if left in the wrong place meant they would be taken away though to an outsider it did look just thrown down. Agree with no gymnastics in the house.
Sounds like you guys have alot of things that were sort of ok when it was EOWE but now of course it's too much. Time to get it in order. They only do what your hubby allows. All of us have more tolerance when we can count down the hours till they leave but now they don't.
Rant your heart out women then get in there and demand DH makes some rules and they are followed. Get the kids in order then take care of your marriage because with 5 kids you guys are gonna need time to stay strong. Even with angels its alot to handle.
Is it possible to hire a
Is it possible to hire a babysitter? For intact families if parents want to have a night out they have no choice but to hire a sitter. I remember when my parents wanted to go out on Saturdays they had to hire someone. No family lived in the area. As my brother got older and started to watch us there were many times we would do stuff we weren't suppose to.
For instance, playing volleyball in the house and knocking over the candle sticks on the mantel. We all played dumb and wouldn't answer our mom when she finally found out about it. My brother once set the carpet on fire as well. Overall we were pretty good kids but we were still kids and did stupid things. Yes we got in trouble for it. Not sure if the kids were in trouble for the slime incident.
Your relationship needs to be nourished. A happy couple means a happy home in my opinion.