is it revenge?
Not sure but it does feel good. lol.
Here is the history behind it. SS4 had a doc appt and FDH couldn't make it. FDH called doc and said he can't make it call me if you have questions - 50/50 custody so things are different at the 2 houses. We got a copy of the report... yeah BM made it sound like ss4 can't do anything. They think he has autism and have for awhile, FDH and I are not sold on it. We just think BM babies him too much and know he doesn't know how to act. And there were references to 'recommendations' and information that were not included in our copy of the report and BM of course failed to tell us. Any way...
After we got the report FDH called and demanded to talk to the doc. Who was busy of course so the nurse asked what we wanted, he said that he didn't agree with some things that were said in the report and there were something that he would like to have explained further. She told us to write down our changes/concerns and mail them to their office for the doctor to read over.
It's going in the mail today!
we made our own report in which we corrected all the errors, adding our own information (I wasn't even named in the last report because apparently I don't matter). We listed all of the things that we do with ss4 and talked about how good he does. I provided photographic proof that BM is full of shit and ss4 loves to be around other kids, and plays nicely. And copies of notes from the school talking about how well he does and also touching base on ss4's poor eating habits - which BM didn't even bring up because she only feeds him pizza and fast food which is loves but isn't exactly good for him.
I could have been a lot meaner about it but I wasn't. I used a lot of terms like "at our house" "on our time" "When we do this" "We don't do this" rather than generalize it like BM did as to imply that this is how he is all the time, we just talked about how he is when he is with us. And I was honest, when ss4 does get upset I told them what we do and what works for us.
They should have it by Monday I would think - so by the end of next week we may have started a holy war. And I really don't care! I feels good to do the right thing.
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Comments
"I wasn't even named in the
"I wasn't even named in the last report because apparently I don't matter"
with all due respect, i can't see what the big deal about not listing you on reports, that should be a mute issue.
imo sparents dont' NEED to be listed unless they are cp and primary care takers of the child
they SHOULD matter to their
they SHOULD matter to their spouses, but that doesn't mean they HAVE to matter to the op, i know damn well, my dd's smom doesn't mean shit to me, and i don't mean shit to bm (i could care less)
in reality sparents have no more legal rights to skids than the next door neighbor, they have what their so gives them but that doesn't mean the op has to follow that guidline
that's when it's really
that's when it's really important for the smom to make sure they don't marry a disney dad........but a dad that actually parents-a disney dad will put up with that, a dad who's a FATHER wont
not always is this true. my
not always is this true. my dd spends 4 days a month regularly with her dad. dad made it to ONE pt conference, smom ZERO, dad has taken her to TWO doc appointments in her life (she's 9), smom ZERO (and they usually send her home if she's sick), dad usually makes about a quarter of her ball games (the only ones he DOES make are on his weekends, no more), then he forefiets his time if his plans interferes with a ball game). smom has made 1 in 4 seasons.
in a 5050 case this is proabably an accurate statment you make but in a ncp 4 days a month case, imo not true,
if it were a medical issue such as what you listed, i'd give them ONE form to fill out, if she wanted to be included, that would be her chance, or she could submit something to the doc, but *i* would not give smom any "rights" to contact the doc herself to discuss my daughter she would need to go through her dh, or her dh
so in MY case specifically, xh knows he can include smom all he has to do is give written consent, they've been married 6 or 7 years?? if he hasn't included her outside of pick up/drop off at school yet (which she hasn't been listed since dd stopped daycare), why should i???
Oh and for the record
Oh and for the record updating the report wasn't my idea it was FDH's. But he wanted it typed and nice looking (we both have crumby hand writing)so that is were I helped out - he hates computers. But he wrote it and signed it. Trust me, I would have thrown the witch completely under the bus if I had the power to say what I really feel on the matter.
I have been to one PTC and BM flipped out so I never went again but now she takes her hubby so... you tell me? Honestly I told FDH that I don't want to go any more, because I can't say anything or have an opinion on the matter and I the sound of BM's voice makes me want to vomit or smack her.
you're not the only one who
you're not the only one who has had this happen. i have done the same thing your bm has done (didn't flip out really) but straight up have told him *I* dont' want her thoughts on my daughter, she can talk to him and manipulate his dicisions as my dh does the same thing for me, but face to face, parenting stays between me and him-she can intervene at their house, other wise it's me (but i'm a highly involved mom too, it's not 5050 he gets her for eo break and eowe, i get all the dirty work-dentists, school, doc, ec's etc and daily parenting
I wasn't surprised that I got
I wasn't surprised that I got left out but I found it odd since she listed her Hubby (ss4's step dad whom she refereed to in the report as 'super dad') and his job. She also went on to say that her MIL (ss4's step-grandma) was SS4 ONLY childcare provider. Currently I am a stay at home mom to the sKids every other week. So her MIL only watches him on her weeks. It would have been more accurate if he had just said MIL watches him for me or something. But it was listed as him 'going over there everyday when he wasn't at school'.
And yeah I know that I don't REALLY matter. I can't said that bothers me any more.
I can see your point but
I can see your point but really, is it HER job to list you or your DH'S job?? that's the point i'm trying to make. she's not the first or last bm that will only list what she is legally required to list on her xh's side (xh only).
hopefully you have a good enough marriage that your dh will add you to all reports you too feel necessary, but unless, it's really not her concern if you're listed or not
Oh yeah he is a good man and
Oh yeah he is a good man and he tells everyone about my existence, in some form or another. I feel for him because this isn't the first time that he has had to retrace BM's steps and add me in the event something should happen he wants them to know that I am someone they can trust with 'select' information or privileges - like picking kids up from school on his behalf or messages to call so and so.
True stepparents generally
True stepparents generally don't matter, but in a report that discusses behavior, steps do play a role a lot of the time. She should have been included, since BM felt the need to include her DH as well as her MIL
wouldn't that be her so's
wouldn't that be her so's responisblity to include her where HE see's fit?
i'm sure daddy has a phone and access as stated above to ensure his spouse gets included where HE wants her-that's not BM's problem if he fails to do so. but bm shouldn't be expected to include smom just because she lists her mil and dh
It's worth noting too I guess
It's worth noting too I guess that the real reason we sent our report wasn't to include me - even though we did. It was to state that we aren't experiencing some of the things BM claimed. For whatever reason she love to make SS4 seem like he can't do anything. And we asked about a few other things.