So, I went up staires a little bit ago to hand My Hell some folded laundry. She is 10.5 years old, not grounded to her room, and yet chooses to be upstaires with her bedroom door locked..Why???? Because, of course, she is up there playing her DS and doesn't want me to walk in and bust her..(Her dad maybe stupid but I certianly am not.)

She then informs me that her DS is laying out and in her room because her dad let her play it last night!!! (News to me!).. I told her, "Well no My Hell, it's been in your room since he let you play it last time. I am not stupid. So please don't sit here and try to play me for a fool.The fact that it's been in your room all this time, isn't your and your daddy's little secret. I figured that one out on my own a few days ago."

So bascially, after he came to me, yesterday, yodling about how well she did on her homework (eyeroll) and what I thought about letting her play her DS.. I told him,yesterday, that she has had it up in her room all this time. And that I don't think she needs to be rewarded for doing what she should be doing in the first place. The other kids in the house certianly don't get rewarded for every hour they work on home work..So why should she?? ( What I was thinking was this was just a bunch of BS anyway because it's been up in her room and she has had cart blanch access to it for the past week! So as if I am expected to believe she hasn't been playing it??? Gimme a break.) I told him again, that "what i think" is that he needs to stick by the punishment he laid down and WE agreed upon so that his daughter will be able to take him seriously.

Grounded from electronics means grounded from electronics...

So later on he goes up staires takes her DS out of her room. She is playing in her brothers room with her brother and DH walks in and hands her the DS and tells her she can play it!!!!! She didn't ask....And she was very content to play with her brother..So if it wasn't an issue for her to play with it..Why take it to her and tell her she can???? I don't get it!!! The whole being grounded from electronics was HIS punishment!! So why on earth would he do that?????

Do you think DH said a stinking word to me last night when he choose to go up and hand her her DS and tell her she could play it??? NOPE...I found out from MY HELL just like I found out about the 100 dollars from MY Hell at the store...I am soooo sick of him making me look and feel like a fool because he changes the rules and breaks our agreements and then I find out from HIS KID!!

It's occured to me just exactly how much of a "joke" this punishment has turned into..It's a "joke" to My Hell for sure..And why wouldn't it be?? He makes a punishment, We agree on it, and then he spends the duration of "the punishment" CHOOSING to not follow through with it and asking me "what I think about it"!! Essentially, he chooses to not follow through, and then comes to me with "what do I think" so he can make me the bad guy for any attempts I make to enforce it!!

So, with that...I just told MY Hell that "as far as I am concerned she is no longer grounded". It was her dad's punishment and I am not going to be the only one to enforce it that just sets me up to be the bad guy..It puts me in the position of having to be the enforcer with HER AND HER DAD BOTH in her punishment that HE laid down. I refuse to treat him like a child and have to enforce the punishment of her with them both!

So she has been down staires on the Play Station all morning..And you know what ...I DONT GIVE AN F...I am not going to be the only one in this house to enforce HIS PUNISHMENTS. Especially if he is just going to go behind my back anyway. If he chooses not to follow through with his punishments he isn't going to set me up so that he can turn around and "feel sorry" for his dumpling because I try to ENFORCE it. Because I suggest that he stick to what he said, he feels sorry for her, and then it's the behind the back stuff against me...

This punishment lost its intended purpose last Saturday when he started not following through with it anyway. Let her play it the other night..And then let her keep it in her room...It's gone from being a correction for HIS Daughter to a power struggle between Him and I that give him the excuse he desires to feel sorry for his daughter, go against his punishment, and rationalize it to himself that he is doing it because he feels sorry for her because I am to hard on her or picking on her.

But, what he doesn't realize yet is that their is a flip side to this..The flip side is that I am not going to try to raise this brat as my own..When he does every thing he can to remove my authority and undermine my attempts at doing soo.. It's impossible to raise a child when all authority and respect for me is constantly undermined and yanked out from under me by her dad..

With that,I have decided that if he chooses to continue to TREAT me like merely her step mother then I will be merely her step mother..Step mothers don't have their step children 24/7/365 when their Dad's deploy to IRAQ for 15 months..I had her last time he deployed for a year..We made great progress that year with out her dad their to undermine me..Actually, that entire year, I really had no problems with her at all..SHE WAS GREAT!! But the minute her dad got home the babying, coddling, and underming me began and all the progress I made with her was totally undone in a matter of weeks.

I had a schedule for that year and ways of doing things for the kids and I both. That worked VERY WELL I might add. Let me also point out for the entire 2nd grade school year that he dad was in IRAQ. I had NO PROBLEMS with her doing her home work. In fact, she was on the honor roll that year and it's been the only year she got good grades.. Coincientally it was also the only year her dad wasn't around to undermine my authority and my parenting of her.

Anyway, he came home and started mucking up the way we did things and the way I ran the house.. For instance, the girls had a choir schedule FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR. One would set the table, put away food, and clear the table. The other would put away dishes in the dish washer, load the dish washer, and wipe down the counters..Worked great and no problems..He got home and tried to make them both do all of the chores. When My Hell would try to tell him how the choire schedule has been the entire year, he actually had the f ing nerve to tell her, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.."I don't care what Mom says..Do it the way I told you." (Mom being me.) (ummm if it's not broke, WHY fix it..It worked for an entire year with no problems or complaints from the girls..And very nice for him to come home and after an entire year of tending to HIS kid 24/7/365 HIM telling her that he doesn't care "what I say". If he doesn't care what I say..Why should she?? He is essentially telling her that what I say and think doesn't matter.)

So after today I made the decision to not keep his daughter here under my care when he deploys for 15 months to IRAQ this coming summer. As much as he undermines me, changes our agreements and the rules behind my back with out consulting me (pulls the rug out from under me) and "feels sorry" for his daughter when I make any attempt to get a grip on her and rein her in..He obviously doesn't approve of or support how I am doing HIS and HER BM's job for them of rasing her..SO I AM NOT GOING TO WHEN HE IS GONE..

I certianly wouldn't leave one of my children for an entire year with some one who I didn't approve of or agree with the way the attempted to care for, correct or instruct MY KIDS..

And I am going to look into moving myself, my daughter, our son, and our dog back to the states. I think the BEST thing for him is to leave him to his own parental devices and the results of his daughters behavior because of his parenting..Ya know? I really just want MY LIFE back, my friends and family back, and MY OWN HOME back..I am tired of feeling like I am living someone elses life and that I am only here FOR HIM and to make HIS LIFE easier...Their is certianly nothing in this FOR ME OR THE OTHER KIDS..

I would much rahter be back in the states with my eldest and enjoying my grand children then being seperated from them in the middle of bummed f ed Germany, so that he can have his daughter her with him and have a built in baby sitter for her.. With out me here...What would he do with his daugher?? She would be right back with His parents...And they can have her as far as I am concerned..

Screw him..Screw her...and Screw his family...She can go live with the Sea Hag (his mother) who will baby her, coddle her, spoile her, cater to her bull crap, and feel sorry for her just like he does..I AM DONE WASTING MY TIME AND MY LIFE ON THIS MESS..