Sick and Tired
To make long story short...BM is not in the picture...She bailed when My Hell (nick name for step snot) was 3...Hubby is in the ARMY so for the past 10 years I have had My HEll 24/7/365 and that includes three tours that he was in IRAQ totalng 3 and a half years that I kept her for him while he was deployed.
I have been the one to raise her and do the "dirty work" of the day to day parenting responsibilities. I have tried, to the point of mental, emotional, and psychological exhaustion, to raise her to be a good, decent, and productive human being...DH, on the other hand, has only seemed interested in utilizing his role as her parent and the bio parent in our household, when it is to "pull rank" on me and undermine me with My Hell and any attempt the I have made to draw boundaries and limitations to her behavior. Couple this with in laws who have worshipped this brat like she is God manifest in the flesh and have always babied her and spoiled her beyond rotten..
The result??? A now 14 year old girl who thinks the world and everyone in it owes her something...Who thinks that the rules of our household and of society at large do not apply to her because she is more special then everyone else. An adolescent who has NO RESPECT for her father and thinks he is a big pussy and a joke..(After all, how could she feel anything else towards him when she has his balls in the side pocket of her back pack???)
Last year she lied and said I "beat her" and has cps and the cops called on me...Fortunately, they saw right through it, caught her in lies and closed the case against me...Most recently, aside from her day to day general snottiness towards everyone in our home, horrible grades, and filthy bedroom; she was busted (by me of course) in possession of my make up, her dad's ipod, my ear phones, her step sisters I touch (which had been missing for a month), and her other sisters two shirts...When stone cold busted...she looked us all in the face and lied to us...Said it wasn't ours and she didn't take it...(Make up found, ipod and ear phones found in her back pack...Itouch and two shirts found stuffed in her pillow case.)
Yep, she not only stole from everyone of her family members (again) but she also looked us dead in the faced and lied to us...Her punishment??? Grounded to her room (reasonable), removal of her accessories, hair dryer, curling iron, ect (reasonable)...Problem is that daddykins is now in "woe is my hell" mode of the cycle...Meaning he is "feeling sorry" for her because she is grounded to her room...She came home from school yesterday and I couldn't help but notice the beautiful curls in her hair...(WTF???)...This morning also...Yep, her curling iron is sitting on her dresser this morning....Daddykins gave it back to her....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...This is just typical crap that has gone in our house over the years.....So sick of it...and so tired of Feeling pissed off and resentful...So anyway, that is what brought me to step talk...l
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PS...Just through the brats
PS...Just through the brats curling iron in the trash....It felt really good@ }:)
Is SD receiving intense
Is SD receiving intense professional help? It sounds like she has a lot of things going on- BM abandonment issues, teenage hormones, and a Dad who needs to step up to the plate, parent her and create a healthy father-daughter relationship with her. She'll continue to think he's a big pu$$y if he doesn't do those things.
Get one of those small cameras where you can stick it up where SD won't see it and record her behavior for a few days, then play the footage to DH. You can threaten him with this: "I love you, but I can't take this anymore. Your daughter needs discipline and professional help. She needs a healthy relationship with you. If you do not step up and provide her with these things, I am gone." I know that may sound drastic, but sometimes it's the kick these guys need to start being better parents to their kids and making our lives more peaceful.
What a delightful child.
What a delightful child. Not!
Disengage from her. Give the others a lockbox (get a tool box from Lowes that they can padlock)for their possessions. Is this fair? Of course not. But to prevent her form taking their personal possessions you have to resort to extreme measures.
And when your DD (Daddy Deluded) complains, point out this is so there isn't ANY confusion in the future.
You are the one person she turns against because she KNOWS she cannot fool you. So stand your ground. Ignore her silly remarks. Don't give her a ride anywhere because you don't want there to be any misunderstandings. And she is old enough to clean her own clothes so nothing can go 'missing'. Just completely pull back and let Daddy Deluded deal with her .... and get the other girls their own lockbox. But not her. Because she didn't ask for one.
DH is finally getting her
DH is finally getting her some counseling...Well for the both of them...What a joke!!! He will go for one session and stop...Or she will do what she did before when I took her to counseling...She will lie to the counselor to try to get them to feel sorry for her and she will play the victim...Last counselor, fortunatley, saw right through it and basically told me she is a "sociopath" and that "what she has is untreatable"...I was also told that "her father should have gotten her help a long time ago". Gee thanks DOC, tell me something I don't already know..I tried to get him to get her help years ago but he just minimized, made excuses, and blamed it on her mother leaving ect ect...Sigh...
I am sure after a session or two fo counseling DH will just feel all sorry for MY Hell and decide that everything going on is My fault because I don't "feel sorry for her".. After all, she is the ONLY CHILD on the planet to ever have a parent bail on them, ya know...
I have totally disengaged...I refuse to accept any responsibility of any kind for her, whatsoever...Honestly, I don't even speak to her unless I absolutely have too. I refuse to have any involvement with her schooling, counseling, ect. I won't take her any where ect...I have not done her laundry or cleaned up after her for years and still refuse to do so...The result is that she wears dirty clothes to school because she is a lazy pig and won't wash her clothes unless her dad makes her...Which he only does about once every two weeks.
He is also in for a very rude awakening next time he has field training or has to deploy...because the brat sure isn't staying with me and it isn't my problem that she doesn't have anywhere else to go....They both should have thought about that before hand...
I needed to read this. Every
I needed to read this. Every thing you said Vick applies to me. If the biological parents don't care, why should I? Sure I was the one always truly present for my skids, but at the ages now of 18, 16 and 15, if their bio-parents don't care if they stay up late or tell lies and run off, why am wasting my time, getting all upset?
Last-Wife...I totally
Last-Wife...I totally agree...Before, I cared because, when DH deployed she was my exclusive responsibility..If she screwed up at school or the cops came to our door because of her they are looking at me like I am a shitty parent...
But, I now refuse to keep her with me while he is deployed or gone...Like it or not for him he will have to experience the expense, inconvenience, and discomfort of "making arrangements for her" like thousands of single female soldiers have to do all the time when they deploy!!
I have kept her with me FOR HIM...But I won't do it anymore...He can send her rotten little behind to his parents or sister/brother while he deploys..After all, they think she is so perfect that she will be pampered, spoiled, handed everything, waited on hand and foot, and worshiped just like she and hubby think she should be...
As her step mom, I have NEVER had to keep her and care for her all the times he has deployed or been gone for a week or months doing training...I did that out of kindness and commitment TO HIM...It is now HIS PROBLEM that he has "no place to send her"...NOT MINE... The truth is that he could always send her to his family...He just doesn't want her there...
Vickmeister, Thanks for you
Vickmeister,
Thanks for you post..I totally agree with everything you said!! I will be taking all of your advice...So expect to see a lot of angry, venting and whining post from me in the future....
I hope you bought the most
I hope you bought the most expensive replacement you could find & billed DH
i envy you for your hard work
i envy you for your hard work and dedication and thats all i can say dont think i could have stuck with it that long. i was a teenager not that long ago and for me my negativity came from my friends. they seem like good girls when u meet them but they arent. if u can isolate her from them like moving far away like my grandma did it may help. it completely turned my life around just in time!!!
CH21, Oh hubby has
CH21,
Oh hubby has "threatened" and told her that he is putting her into a private school with uniforms..He told her that her friends are her problem and is supposedly getting her away from them by putting her in another school..He has even done a few minutes of research on the web for private schools in are area!! (I was shocked that he even followed through much.) But, that will be the end of it...He won't change her school or anything else he "threatens" to do...And she knows it..
All he has done her entire life is threaten and lecture...He never actually does anything, especially anything he threatens to do...
Sounds like my SD. She will
Sounds like my SD. She will not only steal, but then flat out lie about it when caught red handed. Once, when caught with a shirt she had stolen from me, she cried and swore until she was blue in the face that it was her best friend's, that she borrowed it from her and needed to return it. That if I took it from her, her friend would hate her forever. Seriously? I have the f'ing receipt from American Eagle! Still, she marched around for months as though I had done some terrible wrong to her.
Keep your room and your bathroom locked at all times. Give the other kids a safe place to lock up their items, and warn them that if they leave them out, they will be stolen and you will not replace them.