Is this being petty? Should I just suck it up?

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Background: BM abandoned SD when she was 5, she is now 12. We have raised her without any help (or money) from BM for over 7 years (other than 3 weeks but that is another story). SD is resentful of me treating her like my own kid (because I was the disciplinarian while DH was lazy) so now DH does the discipline. SD is completely disrespectful to me and DH. DH is trying to whip her into shape, but it isn't working. She also hurts my bios and steals my things.

SD is not allowed to go in my bathroom because she always steals stuff. She snuck in there and took shaving cream last week(which she could have had if she asked), so I told DH if she is sneaking through my things, I don't want her using any of my things. I told him I was going to take my curling iron back when I got home. When I got home, he had already taken it back for me (kuddos to him). I told him if she can't respect my things and my space and not go through my stuff, then she doesn't need to borrow my things.

Well, last night SD was again using my curling iron. DH said she asked to use it and he gave it to her. I am not sure if I should let my pissy feelings unload on him or try to suck it up and pretend I am not bothered by the situation. Did he think "not borrowing my things" meant only for a week? Why would he again let her borrow my things and not even ask me? Is it wrong of me to not want to lend her my curling iron since she is not respectful of my things and often steals them? Should I just suck it up and let her borrow my curling iron? I went out and purchased her her own straightener so she wouldn't have to borrow mine. Suddenly after that, she now wants to curl her hair instead of straightening her hair. So now do I have to go buy her her own curling iron, too??? Who knows, that may be her motive behind all of this...to get all of her OWN hair styling products.

that may be her motive behind

that may be her motive behind all of this...to get all of her OWN hair styling products.
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My DD did this to me also. If did not bother me too much about her. Then when SS hit 15 and came to live with us, he did the same thing!! GRRRR.

And yes...I did get him ALL of his own hair and body products. Problem solved.

I feel like buying her her

I feel like buying her her own stuff is like rewarding her for stealing my things and therefore not being allowed to borrow my things. So because she can't be trusted getting what she needs from my bathroom...she gets her own? I just don't know how to wrap my head around this to keep from being ticked off. She has her own hairspray and stuff like that. But since I bought the straightener for her, now she only curls her hair?

Sharing my things with her never bothered me before she would just take them or leave them in her room so I couldn't use them. Then being told to stay away from my stuff just made it a game so she does it more. I don't want to let her win at her game. Wish there was a parent manual to tell me what to do. Maybe I shouldn't be bothered, but where do I draw the line? If I buy her a curling iron, then she might want an expensive waver like mine, then she might want individual curlers, then...

Maybe try being much more

Maybe try being much more explicit with Dh. Tell him that she is not allowed to borrow your things AT ALL for XXX length of time.... And after that she must ask YOU to borrow them.

I find with anything vague, he will take the path of least resistance. He probably thought... Oh, well dw was mad that she took without asking and now she asking so its ok. or I'm the dad, so if I give permission then its not on SD anymore. Or Not my stuff, so I don't care.