Good for you. The really sad part about it, is that his ex-wife will still not want him back as well. Well now he can have her and see that she was not worth your feelings.

Good for you for thinking of yourself first, because that nonsense would probably never end. You will be better off! There are men out there who can and do put the feelings of their wives first and formost. It took me a second time around to realize that I am a person who is worthy of a good relationship.

It will be hard at first, but realize that you are worth more than being treated like an afterthought!

Honey, breakups are always hard, even when they're what you want.

I'm proud of you. I think this is the best thing -- and I KNOW you know it is.

(((((((HUGS))))))))

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Have wondered how you were doing, SW. I thought things were going well because you handn't posted in a while.
I'm sorry things have come to this. It looks like this might be what H needs to open his eyes and see his faults.
I also hope that this seperation gives you the perspective you need as well.
(((HUGS)))

I think your post is somewhat telling. You speak mainly of his reasons for being upset, which have everything to do with him...it's not that you are leaving or that YOU have needs that are not being met. IT is that he is losing you which makes HIS needs go unmet. I started feeling like "I love you" from my ex was more like "I love you being here to meet my needs and take care of me and my kids" not "I love you" like cherish and want to make YOU happy. Totally different...love isn't selfish like that.

You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel this way. At some point you were very much in love with this man, somewhere inside you that love still exists. But love is not enough in spite of all the movie cliches. Without respect, equality, consideration, etc., all the love in the world can't save a relationship.

Good luck. This is a long process and you'll have good days and bad days but like you said, at least your taking a step towards freedom.

SW20, one caution: I can completely understand that you wouldn't want to start thinking about divorce proceedings until you're done with school. However, I do suggest that you consult a lawyer about what you've decided. Why? Because you are legally married to this guy, which means that any financial screwups he pulls will also be partly YOUR responsibility. Talk to a professional about protecting yourself. I'm not sure what the law is in your state, but you may want to establish an official date of separation and any other things you can do to protect yourself, so that three months from now, if he does something terrible like maxes out a joint credit card or raids your bank account, you've got some recourse.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Crayon is right again. Your H is upset he's losing his benefits.
Belle-Great advice. She really needs to protect herself.

SW20, I married young and divorced young. I was only 19 when I married the first time, and only 21 when we divorced. Even though our situation was vastly different than yours, it still hurt. Badly. It hurt for quite a while, actually. Counseling and friends and Madonna helped a lot. ( I would get lost in music a lot)

I agree that you need to focus on YOU! I am sorry that it hasn't worked out for you though. Ending a relationship is usually very hard. HUGS

Man I wish I had the inner strength to do this. Im in the same sorta situation. No kids of my own. Breadwinner. I know it'd be best for me to just leave and be on my own. But I feel so sorry for all of them. Anyway congrats to you!! It may seem hard now but I imagine years down the road you will look back and be thankful.

I am so glad, sweetie. You have come a long way. I remember it wasn't long ago that I had suggested maybe this relationship might not be right for you, and you defended it so passionately. I am glad that you have finally taken a step toward taking care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.

Of course he would say those things to you NOW, when faced with losing you. And it is normal to feel the way you do now. For the moment, please try to focus on YOURSELF for a while. Don't worry about how HE has no money. Don't worry about helping him make HIS life better. If he is anything like some of the men I have broken up with he may call every day, or show up in person asking you to please come back, giving you sob stories, crying, trying to guilt you into coming back, show you how lost he is without you, have his friends or your friends talk to you about it... There is nothing wrong with telling EVERYONE, "Back off! Give me some space!" And if he still persists, then you will see how much he respects your needs when at this crucial turning point in your relationship, he cannot give up pursuing his want to have you back to respect your need for space.

I have seen so so so many women rush right back into relationships when they separate. I hope that you really take some time to figure out what makes you happy and put yourself higher on your list of priorities.

*big hugs*

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I felt this way with my Ex. I knew I wanted out of the situation, but felt horrible for what that meant for him. The heartache, leaving him with a broken family, telling him that he had to start his life completely over. I think that for me, when I finally 'knew' it was time, was when I would have rather lived in a cardboard box than to continue on.

After our divorce, I felt a sense of freedom, peace, ownership of MY life, and happiness for once. After things settled into a routine, I grieved. Not for him, but for the death of the marriage. It's really hard to have a part of your life that was so constant, cut out. So I think the emotions that you are going thru are normal, but I think you should take some time to yourself to sort them all out.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Some times leaving them will make them better in the end. They have to learn how to depend on them and not others all the time. It will be better for you in the long run. Either he will grow and become the man you want him to be or you will find happiness else were.

You ARE strong enough, SW...I have always found u to be wise beyond yur years....remember, the goal in life, imo, is to go "up".... to better yurself and surround yurself with people who bring u "up"...not down...u have given this man ALOT, honey...yet he fails to recognize and act on what YOU need to be happy....Its cliche...but I know you know u deserve better....there's nothing to feel bad about wanting the best u deserve....

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

awwwww my little chica...

i figured this may be what ur fb post meant, but didnt want to write anything where others would see it.

u have to do whats best for U, and every emotion u are feeling rite now is completely normal...u are being used and he may love u, but he doesnt put ur needs, or the needs of the marriage, first. and u are way too young to be so unhappy. u take all the time u need, accept him back in if he shows change and u are willing, but if not, u will go on, have a successful medical career and meet the man of your dreams who adores u and treats u like the little godess u are. and until that day, and when u need it the most, u know where to find me

love and hugs...xoxoxo

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Crayon is exactly right. He is missing the life he would have had without you!

What innocent youth doesn't understand is that there are TAKERS out there and they will TAKE. They know EXACTLY what they are doing and boy do they cry when it is taken from them.

You will survive and flourish!

You will have the strength! Dont doubt yourself because of his tears. Its always heartbreaking on anyone to break up. But from waht you've described, he's benefiting far more than you are.
You've made the decision to separate. MAKE IT LEGAL. Separate your finances, have him out of the house, place house onthe market. You must protect yourself legally against him in case he goes on a last spending spree for his daughter out of guilt that he's losing out financially on his part for the sake of his previous family.

Its normal to be upset, its normal in this situation. consider yourself lucky, you didn't have kids with him. So much easy to cut the ties. He's loving, yes, but you can find another person who will put you first and consider you and your feelings. You need an equal partner...not someone you have to drag with you in life. Believe me, i feel liek i'm dragging at times and i have a child.
If you say your planning on selling the house, does this mean , its your house before you married or is it a house you bought together?

Oh honey! since you've made the decision to separate , act on it. Tell him to move out in the mean time. You need to really be separate!
Your house, your call. He'll just have to find an apartment or live with someone else.

I wrote a post...but it disappeared...oh well..here we again.
Tell him to move out. Since you decided to separate, act on it. Tell him ot move out, find a place of his own for now.
If he whines, tell him to figure it out.